Wonderland Burlesque’s Turdscooter of the Week: Scott Walker

(I hear voices in my head.)

Wonderland Burlesque’s 

Turdscooter of the Week: 

Scott Walker

Though it was another week filled with ripe candidates:

Taking on our education system last week, Mississippi State Representative Gene Alday (GOP) declared there was no need for school funding because all the “blacks” in his district receive “welfare crazy checks” and don’t work (but he’s not a racist!).

Carrying that torch, Virginia’s Representative Dave Brat (GOP) also felt no need to fund public schools because all those fancy ancient Greek philosophers needed to get the job done was a rock (really!).

And… in an effort to keep discrimination in America alive and strong as ever, Arkansas state Senator Bart Hester (GOP) introduced an emergency bill to undo all LGBT protections, telling folks, “I do not want for them to have special rights” (that’s an actual quote!) (say it in a hillbilly accent and it sounds about right).

Jumping on that hate-wagon, Alabama Chief Supreme Court Justice Roy Moore continued to embarrass himself with all his foolishness about how the only laws we need to follow come from “God” and how allowing gay folks to marry in Alabama is simply the worst thing to ever happen in that state(ever)(you know, except for that lynching stuff… maybe). 

Keeping the “God” thing alive, Tennessee State Representative James VanHuss (GOP) introduced a bill that would add references to “God” and “our Savior” to that state’s constitution.   Of course, this is the same state where they are considering selecting ‘The Bible’ as the state book (umm, but which one?).

Given that…

Given all that (and Fox News)…

As despicable as all those other tools are, the biggest, brightest tool in the whole GOP chest is Wisconsin’s nearly-recalled Governor, Koch Brothers’ sock puppet, and 2016 presidential  hopeful, Scott Walker, who, while being interviewed at Britain’s international affairs think tank, Chatham House, was asked if he believed in the scientific concept of evolution.

Demurring, Walker said, “I’m going to punt on that one.”

To which the host burst out laughing, saying, “Any British politician, right or left, would laugh at that question and say, ‘Of course evolution is real.’

But not our Scotty boy… oh, no.

Undaunted, Scott went on to say that it was a question “that a politician should not be involved in, one way or another.”

WTF?

So, I’ve decided I will believe in Scott Walker once the polls are in and enough people believe in Scott Walker, because that is apparently how Scott Walker decides what he does or does not believe.

Or… maybe “God” really is his advisor, for he claims to only run for office when “God” calls upon him to.  Recently he said to a group of bankers, “Any major decision I’ve made in my life – politics or otherwise – I’ve tried to discern God’s calling on.”   

Hmm. 

Listening to voices in his head, huh? 

Are you sure he’s not simply the creamy peanut butter middle in a Koch Brother’s shit sandwich?  Can you imagine those two soft tubs of lard squeezing in on you, their hot, moist breath in your ear 24/7?

Yeah… we all know exactly who Scott Walker is listening to these days: the conservative, greedy, soulless bastards funding his bid for the White House.

So, let’s all put our fingers in our ears and listen to our own inner voices (which, when it comes to Scotty boy, are whispering ‘bullshit artist’), as a means of saluting Wonderland Burlesque’s Turdscooter of the Week: spineless Scott Walker.

Scott? 

Here’s a hint: if you want to appear ‘presidential’?  Then answer the damn question.  Skirting simply makes you appear coy and flirtatious.

Which sorta gives a whole new meaning to that Koch Brother’s shit sandwich, am I right?

P.S. - You seem to like to point a lot.  What is that about?