Work-Out Primer

I don’t get a lot of letters or notes here at Wonderland Burlesque, but when I do, if they are not too hate-filled or vile, I like to pass them along and respond to them.  Here is a letter from a dude I happen to actually know, asking for working-out and diet advice.  So this is my stab at an exercise primer. 

Yes, it’s that time of the year, when everyone resolves to make positive changes in their lives.  Some of these resolutions are made without any real commitment.  But for those who are really ready to make a change – I wish you the very best.  Whatever you put into it – you will get out of it.

Here’s James letter (yeah, I changed his name).

Hello!!!!

It is James, aka *********, from Manhunt.  I am looking to lose 30 pounds of fat to get down to 140 lbs. and then put on 10-15 lbs. of rock hard muscle in order to reach my goal of 150-155 lbs.  My main goals are a tight, toned body and six pack abs.  What work out/nutrition advice do you have to help me reach this goal?  

I am hoping to either join a gym to help myself or work out at home, but am unsure which will work best for me.  Also what types of foods and how much should I eat? 

Any help you can give me will be much appreciated.  Looking for any help you can give me.  Looking forward to your reply

Also: Know of a good gym that is cheap you could recommend?

James

Dear James,

There is so much advice out there on the internet, I really urge you to do your own research.  You will find what works for you.  That said, I can share what works for me.

Doctor, Doctor
First... you have to visit your physician and make sure you are up for this.  Knowing your cholesterol, glucose levels, liver function, current blood pressure, pulse, etc. will establish an excellent base line from which to work and serve as a guide for whether or not you're making any progress.

Your optimum weight is determined by your height and to some extent your body type.  A physician can tell you the ballpark of where your body will be most comfortable and healthy.

Fat and Muscle
You will develop the muscle as you lose the fat.  And it takes time.  I am thinking you are probably at an age where your metabolism has changed drastically (or soon will), so it is a good thing you are starting now - because if you don't head it off at the pass - it gets a lot worse. 

Diet
Your diet is a major contributor to excess weight.  So here are my hard and fast rules:

·         No soda.  Not regular or diet.  That stuff is awful for you.  Stop drinking soda and you will be amazed by the difference in your body. 

·         Drink water.  Lots and lots of water.  It is your best friend and will always make you feel better.  Think of it as a body cleanse. 

·         Alcohol - limit to two drinks per month.  Seriously.  And never beer.  Beer bloats.  Eat your veggies and your fruits.  I go buy fruit - berries when they are on sale and freeze them. Put them in a blender with a banana and some 100% juiced and make a 100% fruit smoothies.  They rock and remind me of milk shakes. 

·         NO FAST FOOD.  It’s as bad as soda.  Just say no. 

·         Eat whole foods when possible, start eating more at home.  Stop buying prepared foods or box meals - that stuff has lots of crap in them. 

·         Limit desserts.  I'm not a dessert person, so sweets are not an issue for me.  If they are for you, be responsible about the amount you eat.  

·         Moderation in everything.  Portion control is everything.  Restaurant meals are way oversized.  Never eat anything bigger than your fist.

·         Don't eat until you're full, eat until you are feeling fed. 

·         Drink water with meals.  Drink water during work.  Drink water while you work out.  

·         NO POTATO CHIPS.  Want a snack?  Eat plain baked corn chips with fresh salsa. 

·         Don’t skip meals.  Breakfast is the most important.  Plain oatmeal with a banana mashed into it for flavor?  Rocks.  I eat it 5 times a week. 

·         Limit: Sugar, Caffeine, Saturated Fats, Oils, Diet Foods (Lite), Sugar Substitutes, Alcohol.  When it goes in your mouth ask yourself, does my body know what to do with this?

·         Lots of info on diet on line.  So read up on foods to avoid.  And this is my final point about food - diets don't work.  Eating is a lifestyle choice.  It is a game changer.  So change your game.

 Gym or Work Out at Home?
Join a gym.  You will buy all that equipment for home use and find that you are not motivated at home.  Working out takes a lot of discipline and if you haven’t been working out, then I really recommend that you join a gym and take advantage of all that it has to offer.

Go to a gym.  Get around other dudes who are working out and are successful.  Watching them in the shower room will be a big motivator for you.  Also... watch them on the work out floor.  Pick up tips by watching, but be careful.  There are a lot of stupid people at the gym doing exercises improperly.  They will hurt themselves or damage the equipment eventually. Don’t be that guy.  

How do you know who to watch?  My suggestion: The dudes who are NOT over-worked out, but have a tight, slim, healthy build are your best bet.  Big muscles usually mean stupid form. 

Finding the Right Gym
You know... I think that you should go try out a couple of places.  You can get at least a day pass.  Tell them you're shopping around and that they will not be the only gym you're checking out.  Take the tours.  Use the facilities.  And invest the money.  I really recommend that you go to a gym with a swimming pool.  Also check out the vibe.  Is it gay friendly?  You don't want to be surrounded by a bunch of homophobes.  But do invest that money - this is important.  This is a life choice.  Choose to take care of your body.  Invest in yourself.

Don't be pressured into anything.  Read the small print and the contract thoroughly.  Ask a LOT of questions. 

If, for some reason, you get a bad vibe from the place, or the customer service is not friendly, welcoming and interested in you - then walk out and tell them that their customer service is not up to standard.  Gyms are an expense.  Invest wisely.

Average cost: $43 per month / $511 annually

Check to see if you can get a pay month to month deal – getting locked into long term contracts suck.

My only recommendation: YMCA or YWCA – they rock and are generally cheaper than Lifetime, etc.

Form
Go slow.  Less weight, slow movement, great form – will yield the best results.  Form refers to the movement - how precise you are with each rep.  Do 3 sets of 8-12 reps to start.  If you are struggling too much, so much that it is affecting your form, then you are using too much weight. 

Form is everything.  Every time you pick up a weight you have to know the proper way to use it.  Work briefly with an instructor/trainer for pointers on form or get a book. I suggest Gold's Gym book: it tells you exactly what good form is for every exercise.  And don't fall into the whole "more weights means better work out".  That is macho bullshit.  You don't need to use heavy weights to get a great work out, but you do need to use good form.  Form is everything.  It prevents injury which means you get to keep working out.  It also maximizes the amount of time and energy expelled, yielding the best results. 

How Often?
Work out a 4-5 x's a week for 45-60 minutes each session.  Cardio twice a week, weights/strength training 3 times a week.  Have a plan – a work out regime designed ahead of time.  Change that work out regime completely every 3 months!  Shock that body.  Keep challenging it – but in good, healthy ways.

What To Do:
Stretch:  How often do you reach over your head?  When was the last time you jumped up and down?  Think of all the stuff you used to do as a little kid - and how long it has been since you did any of that - playing tag, climbing, etc.  Start every work out with a nice stretch.  Incorporate yoga and think about form and function as you stretch.  Watch others who look like they know what they are doing.  This should be a minimum of 10 minutes of every work out.

Push-ups: great for chest, abs, and lats.  Do them.  Work your way up to 60 in one stretch.  It takes time, but everyone can do it.  Starting out - keep them shallow if you must, but do them.  Make sure your abs are engaged when you do them.  Form is important.  I love push ups.  Makes my pecs pop every day.   These are key if you an those hot mounds supporting your nips.

Swim: if you can.  It is the best exercise ever - especially for weight loss.  Swim laps until you are exhausted.  It will yield great results.  Swimming counts as cardio as long as you push it. Push it real good.

Cardio: join classes.  Start by standing in the back and watching, doing your best to keep up.  I recommend Zumba and step.  Turbo kick is good, too, but you need to be in better shape and more flexible for that.  Boot Camp?  It may discourage you, so don't do it until you are already in shape.   Core workouts rule.  This will help you with endurance.   This will help you with your blood pressure and pulse. Cardio is very important.  2x's a week minimum. 

Crunches:  Not everyone is meant to have abs.  Not all body types allow for this.  Abs are a combination of workout, diet and genetics.  I do 200-300 a day.  And you need to vary your routine - changing it up every 4 weeks.  If you're not feeling it the next day, you're coasting.  The body adapts very quickly to exercises repeated, so shock your system.  I do them on a mat, I do them with the half-ball, and I do them with a full ball.  Form is everything when doing crunches, so study up on it, again - the web is your best source.

Weights:  3 x's a week.  Dumb bells rule.  Start slow.  Start light. Think about form constantly.  Those dudes working out with massive weights and grunting a lot?  Yeah, ignore them.  They are either steroid cases or idiots. Be smart.  There are no short cuts.  And not everyone is meant to look like Arnold or Stallone (who is a giant steroid case). 

Machines:.  Pay attention to the little diagram on the machines.  It will tell you how to use them properly.  Machines are dangerous and will cause muscle tears if used improperly.  Don't watch others.  Many people have no idea what they are doing on the machines.   AVOID those arm machines.  They cause more damage to your elbows than they are worth.   

Pull-ups:  Assisted w/ the machine or with just a bar.  Excellent means of creating lats.  Which is what you want if you want that big shoulder thing happening.  They are difficult.  They suck.  They will wear you out.  Do them.  I mix three different kinds of pull ups into my routines every other month.

Legs: very, very important.  Those machines are nice, but not enough.  And be careful not to use too much weight on those machines to start.  Your calves need time to stretch.  Use dumb bells and do a lot of squats (butt) and lunges (butt).  Again, form is king.  You're wasting your time if you are not engaging muscles properly.  And you know what?  You need your abs (core) for everything.  So they always need to be engaged - stay on top of it.
  
Concentrating on trouble spots?  It doesn't work.  Your back fat and love handles are part of a complete picture.  So work the big picture, manage your diet and you will see results.  It takes time.  You will see results almost immediately, but those problem spots will take years to conquer.  Exercise is not something you do until you get what you want.  It is a lifestyle and a really important choice if you want to live a long time and remain attractive.

Running:  I say no.  Walking will actually help you lose more weight.  Running is fun, and great for endurance, but will result in muscle and joint issues in the long run.  I still run, but only in summer (so I can get my tan on).  Walking - strenuous walking - actually is much better for you.  Hiking?  Great, because the uphill and uneven terrain causes the body to constantly readjust and challenge itself. 

Running machines / Elliptical / Stationary Bikes:  Eh.  They leave me cold.  If I want to run – I go outside.  The terrain is more interesting, it is a great way to develop balance, and the scenery is entertaining.  Also – on a hot summer day there is nothing like free-balling it in a pair of skimpy running shorts. Of course, make sure you’re feeling good about your bod before running around without a shirt on. 

Balance: Work on your balance.  Stand on one leg, etc.  Yoga is great for this.

Protect your joints.  Joint injuries are difficult to recover from and can be long term in nature.  They will also inhibit your ability to excise and affect other areas of your life (like typing on a keyboard).  Major cause of joint injury?  Too much weight and bad form.  Also, if you don't know what your rotator cups are, you need to research them before exercising.  It is the number one injury that people experience when starting out.  Your elbows and your knees are close seconds.  Protect them by using good form.

Asides:

·         Wear work out gloves.  They help.  They protect.

·         I love working out to music.  It motivates and keeps me focused and moving.

·         Remember to breathe.  Inhale on the rest portion, exhale when exerting force.

·         Working out makes you horny (it raises your testosterone level – something that diminishes one percent per year after the age of 40).  Enjoy that horniness!  It will keep you working out.

·         Look at your bod in the mirror.  Before a work out, if I am alone in the locker room, I will look at my body and make myself get a hard on before working out.  I don’t bate, or cum, but I do want that hard on – it is a motivator for me.  Then after the work out, I look for differences in my bod.  You will like what you see.  Take pictures! (And send them to me!)

Gym Etiquette:
Good gym etiquette is important:

·         Wipe down the equipment with spray before and after use.

·         Put weights back where they belong.

·         Don't grunt a lot.  Idiots do that.

·         Be conscientious in the locker room.  Keep your shit together.  Close locker doors.  Put your towel in the hamper.  Don't stare. 

·         Be conscientious in the shower room.  Don't stare. 

·         Wear appropriate attire.  (Jock straps are always hot.)

·         Be really, really careful if you fool around in the sauna, the locker room, the showers.  Other people don’t necessarily want to see that sort of thing at their gym.  Pity, huh?

Most important thing: JUST DO IT.  Even when you don’t feel like it.  It will make you feel so much better.  Find the time.  Make the time.  Some days I dread it, but as soon as I do it, I love it.

Conclusion:
So, this should serve as a start.  I really urge you to go on the web and do your own research.  There is tons of information available, most of it is quite reliable, and there are certainly a lot of people out there who know a lot more than I do.  What I have shared is what I have experienced.  If you are serious about working out – educate yourself.   

If you have questions – ask a staff member at the gym you attend. If it is a good gym, they will be more than happy to help you.

This was fun.  Next time I write about working out it will be my annual work out summary.  I have had a good year.  Yeah, I know – some internet troll pointed out that my body is not all that great – calling it a do-a-little-bit-at-the-gym-everyday.  Well, you know what?  I do what I can with what I have.  And I do quite a bit during the time I am at the gym.  I’m feeling really good about what I have accomplished.  No – I’m no Arnold (would never want to be), but I am very pleased with what I have, especially considering my age.

Okay.  Enough.  Time to hit the gym.

Acquired Tastes, Chapter XVI: Vintage 70’s Porn

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Ass Play at the Movies: I'm Ready for my Close-Up!

I wandered onto this site called Recon about two months ago.  It is a kink site, featuring dudes getting their freak on in any number of nasty, perverted ways: bondage, water sports, feet worship, leather, gut-punching, exhibitionism, sports gear worship, and the like.  All of it tends to be very extreme – especially if you look at the profiles of those from outside the United States (those Germans are real sick fuckers!).  In comparison, the listings for Minnesota seem very tame – but keep in mind that this is not your ordinary hook-up site and on Recon the word ‘vanilla’ is nowhere to be found.

After setting up a profile, I dive in and start moving my way through the profiles of dudes on-line.  Surprisingly, I’ve encountered very, very few of these men on the other hook-up sites I frequent, although I do recall seeing a few of them at the Eagle the once or twice a year that I get there.  The refreshing thing about the profiles and the men on Recon is the fact that all their freak flags are right out there in the open, presented without embarrassment.  The many pictures also reflect this openness, as they are of a more graphic nature than you might encounter on say, Adam4Adam or Manhunt.  In other words, you know exactly what you are in for, warts and all.

In short order, I start hitting the cruise key on those I find share similar interests to my own, keeping in mind that my role is passive and theirs active.  One of the individuals I recognize from the Eagle is on-line and responds positively to my cruise request.  Soon we’re talking specifics, with email addresses and pictures being exchanged. We decide to meet and he proposes something he thinks might appeal to the exhibitionist in me: that we meet at a movie theater where he will play with my ass throughout the film.  I’m game.  I have a pair of rip-away running pants that are held in place by a series of snaps and know these will work perfectly for what he has in mind.  He chooses the movie theatre and the movie, which just happens to be at a time when I can make it.  Game on.

Arriving early, I sit in my car and change into my snap-away pants.  I’m more than just a bit nervous.  Not only does the whole idea of playing in public have my heart racing, but this dude happens to be someone I have always wanted to play with.  I’ve seen him in public in the past and never worked up the courage to go over to him and say ‘hi’.  He’s shorter than me by at least six inches, has thick, black, wavy hair and a rather handsome mug with a nice square jaw.  Just the sight of his lips makes me melt, his winning smile a promise of great things.  He’s the kind of dude that is never interested in me, and even when they do give me the time of day, it is only as a courtesy, ultimately leading to rejection. 

A few minutes before the movie is to start I make my way into the movie theatre.  No one is around.  The place is a ghost town.  That is the beauty of matinees and the magic of this particular movie theatre.  It is situated in an area of town where parking is not free or easy, so other than date nights, the theatre is probably not that busy at all.  I purchase my ticket and a soda.  Thankfully, my attire doesn’t raise any suspicion.  Out of the corner of my eye I catch sight of my movie buddy.  He’s standing in the middle of a big archway with a kind of smirk on his face.  Making my way to the movie theatre, he trails me, remaining a good three yards behind me. 

Enveloped by the darkness of the theatre, I choose the back row and sit in the seat next to the outside wall.  The projectionist is situated on the opposite side of the room, so I feel fairly confident that our escapades will go unnoticed by management.

 My new found friend (let’s call him Mr. Dom) slips into the seat next to me.  He’s wearing a ¾ length black leather jacket and has quite a bit of scruff going on his face.  Still, he is very handsome, very cute.  He has a sly look in his eyes and I am pretty sure I’m in for a good time.  Without really looking, he begins to unsnap the side of my pants.  His hand slides under my bottom and his fingers begin to probe.  I have a tiny tube of lube with me and am wearing a cock ring, but other than that, I have no supplies with me.  Leaning forward in my seat, I grease up my hole with the lube and then sit back.  Soon I find myself scrunching deep down in my seat with my legs up over the back of the seat in front of me.   This allows my friend maximum access and he takes full advantage of it. 

There are only two other people in the theatre when the movie begins and they are both seated a good distance away, toward the middle of the theatre.  I am thinking we are going to have full run of the place.  My confidence growing, I slip a hand between the legs of Mr. Dom and discover a nice hard eight inch wonder.  It is nicely thick and feels fucking meaty in my hand.  He smiles and I take a risk, lean over and kiss his cheek, hoping that he responds with more.  He doesn’t.  Instead he scans the theatre for prying eyes.

This entire time his fingers are going to town on my hole and I am loving it.  The movie?  Not so much.  But then we picked this particular movie because of the time and the fact that it had gotten negative reviews, which meant that the theatre would probably be fairly empty.  Not that the quality of the movie has any impact on the good time I am having.  I now know why teenagers like to go to movies on dates – you can fool around a lot in the dark!  I am nuzzling into Mr. Dom’s neck in a vain attempt to convey just how much pleasure I am getting out of having his talented digits up my ass.  By this point he has popped all but two of the buttons on my rip-away pants, so he has full access to everything.  It is at this moment that an older dude suddenly appears at the back of the theatre.  He scans the seats, spies me and Mr. Dom and promptly sits his fat ass in the row opposite us, across the aisle.  Bummer.

This momentarily causes me to panic and I swiftly button up my running pants.  Getting caught is not part of our plans and Mr. Dom helps cover my activity by removing his leather jacket and placing it on top of the seat in front of him, successfully shielding me from the prying eyes of the recent arrival.  Soon, snaps are undone once more and Mr. Dom has a wicked smile on his face once more.

He’s cool with me nuzzling into his neck.  There is even a part of me that wants to climb on his lap.  My right hand takes up permanent residence in the crotch of his pants, working its way up and down that magnificent shaft.  His balls get lots of attention, too.  Needless to say, I am hard for the full two hours, which is no small feat for me.  I think it is due to the fact that there really isn’t any end game in sight – as in, neither of us really has any expectation of getting off.  There had been a brief, on-line discussion regarding my cumming as the credits roll, and that is definitely playing in the back of my mind, so I’m in no hurry to lose my load.

Eventually I work up my courage and go in for a real kiss and am totally surprised when my efforts are welcomed.  Mr. Dom possesses some generous lips and he puts them to good use.  He’s a great kisser.   Yep, that's why teenagers love the movies so much.  More true than not, the kissing is probably much better than the movie! In this case, I am only too happy to turn my attention away from the screen.

During the last quarter of the movie, I decide to change it up a bit.  I begin leaning forward in my seat, using the seat in front of me as leverage.   This allows me to actually fuck back on Mr. Dom’s fingers, of which he has managed to work three up my hole.  This type of extended butt play is new to me.  Usually fingering is merely a five to ten minute part of foreplay and not the main course.  All told, I find it to be an oddly satisfying meal.  As I am carefully lowering and raising my ass, I glance over at the older, fat dude across the aisle.  I am pretty sure he knows exactly what we are doing and has been watching us the whole time.  And you know what?  I don’t care.  In fact, it kind of turns me on.

You see, I missed out on all the dirty movie theatre action of yore, when Ferris Alexander had a porno movie theatre empire in Minneapolis.  I visited the one on Lake Street a couple of times before its doors closed, but I was terribly naive and had no idea what men did to one another in the dark.  That I discovered much later in life, while on tour in Kansas City.  There, I happened to visit a very active porno theatre on a Saturday afternoon.  I had so much fun working my way around that theatre; it was almost as good as going to a bathhouse.  One of the things I discovered on that trip was just how turned on I get when other dudes watch me being a total slut, going down on some random dude in public.  Turns out, despite my recent decision to curtail the number of sexual encounters I partake in, I am still turned on by being watched by others.

The movie ends.  I button up and follow Mr. Dom out of the theatre.  We talk as we walk, commenting on how much fun we just had.  He then guides me to a bathroom off the main part of the shopping complex we’re walking through.  He goes into the handicap stall and I remain near the urinals, taking the pulse of just how busy this restroom is.  The coast seems clear, so I duck inside his stall.  I immediately unearth his dick and go down on it.  As soon as my lips reach the base of his cock, the main door flings open and someone hustles in.  I swiftly climb up on the toilet seat and crouch.  Mr. Dom, who is once more wearing his ¾ length leather coat, stands in front of me, his dick just out of reach of my mouth.  From the outside, no one would ever know that two people occupied that stall. 

The other dude leaves, and, remaining crouched on the toilet seat, I begin playing with Mr. Dom’s dick.  It is as nice looking as it was nice to touch.  He’s hard as a rock and just as I manage to deep throat him again, someone else comes rushing in to use the urinals.  This individual is followed by about ten others.  Suddenly the room is full of dudes.  All play ceases as we both hold our breath, praying that we remain undiscovered.  The place is so full even the stall next to us is in use.  We wait out this flurry of activity.  At the first sign of calm, Mr. Dom exits the stall.  I do the same.  We wash our hands, and yet another small group of 20/30-somethings invade the mens room.  Obviously this place is a lot busier than Mr. Dom assumed.  We abandon all play and I walk him back to his car.  On the way, he tells me that he noticed how turned on I get exposing myself in public.  He thinks that’s hot.  He fondles me in the elevator and we kiss a bit more before he gets into his car.

We make promises to one another to do something similar sometime soon.  He suggests a sledding date, but the idea of my dick out in the frigid cold makes me turtle, so I decline.  I’d rather stick to indoor activities and he understands. 

In the time since, we have tried to find a time for another movie date, but our schedules just haven’t jived.  Having written about this experience, it does make me want to do it again.  So I have a feeling he’ll be getting an email from me today proposing something for next week.

Well, fingers crossed.  Maybe this time something will work out.  If it does?

See you at the movies!

(P.S.- The featured pic is of yours truly.  Yeah, I know, not the greatest, but hey, it does the trick - so to speak!)

Mechanics are Mechanics: Good sex is dependent on more than just having the right tool

Maybe it’s a winter thing… but I’m currently not interested in hooking-up just to get off or to get someone else off. There’s got to be a bit more to it than that. A kiss. A look in the eyes. Some kind of connection. The whole 'wham-bam, thank you ma’am’ just isn’t cutting it for me.

It may have something to do with the weather. I always have a desire to hibernate in winter; to hunker down with a blanket or two. Missing the sun and the ability to be outdoors as much as I like, (with as little clothing on as possible) I find this time of year bereft of life and oxygen. Give me fresh air and blue skies, please.

I’m less inclined to define myself as sexually addicted these days. I had sexual contact with others only 10 times during December! Compared to 53 times in October, I’d say I was making some progress. Yes, I remain a sexual opportunist – if an opportunity presents itself, I will more than likely go for it. But the whole mercy fuck thing is over. You could say I’ve become more selective.

Recently I got together with a favorite fuck buddy of mine. He has this Timothy Hutton thing going for him, a charming/disarming smile, a quick wit, and a nice, thick dick. He’s also a great kisser. On this occasion, things were heated and passionate, but he was having trouble getting hard – something which he assured me was no reflection on me. Oddly, I was hard as a rock the entire time, and if he had been a flip/flopper, I would have happily corn holed him, but, alas, he is a diehard top, so I had to be patient. He did manage to fuck me twice, but he was only half hard and I ended up coming before he did (even though I did my best to wait), unloading on his nicely furry chest.

We talked after. He was really concerned about his performance, which I assured him was no biggie. Fact is, we are both of an age where our testosterone levels are not what they once were and missile launch failure is the occasional result. For some reason, I thought it was okay to talk about that. We both love Viagra, but neither has any (although I am now thinking I can ask my physician for some) – and that is a definite cure for the soft dick blues – but, ultimately, and of course he didn’t believe me at first, that part of the act is becoming more of a secondary consideration for me these days.

Let’s face it – mechanics are mechanics. And I have been around the world enough to know what good sex is all about, which is also why I know that the mechanics of sex are only part of the equation. Even the most casual of sex needs to have some sort of emotional component in order to work. Sometimes that component is fulfilled purely by our own adrenalin rush, or something about the non-traditional environment we find ourselves playing in spurs us on to orgasm. Factors such as the possibility of getting caught or seen can also play a part. But the most satisfying encounters always contain some form of emotional connection with my sexual partner – whether I know his name or not is immaterial. It’s in the eyes, it’s in the kiss, it’s in the touch. Urgency helps. So does physical attraction. Being at our best (well rested) and feeling good about ourselves and our bodies also contributes positively.

Whether that dick goes in my ass is no longer as important to me as the way I feel during and after a given encounter. I want conversation. I want flirtatious banter and looks. I want passion to be expressed in ways that have nothing to do with the hardness of a dude’s penis. No – I ‘m not looking for a long term thing or a regular thing, I just want it to be an intimate thing.

Which is why completely anonymous sex isn’t doing it for me these days. I may be over the whole ‘bend over and take as many as possible while wearing a blindfold’ mindset – which also might explain why I no longer attend those little bathhouse parties on Fridays. Quality, not quantity, seems to be my new mantra. And that’s why I am able to go three weeks without a dick up my ass – which is what happened in December, and appears to also be the case in January.

Does that translate to me losing my mojo? Is that a reflection of how attractive I feel or am perceived by others to be? I don’t think so. Yes, gravity and the sun has taken its toll on my face this year (I really am starting to see the effects of tanning and aging), but my body is probably in the best shape ever. I even managed to snag an electric hair trimmer that I can do my back with (yes, I became convinced that my back hair had become a deterrent to sexual fulfillment). So I am looking really good these days. My waist is a slim 32”, which prompted me to go out and buy some new jeans that are trendy and very unlike the ‘Mom jeans’ I tend to wear at home (no, not real Mom Jeans, but they are old and very worn and wearing them makes me feel a tad slovenly and past my prime).

Overall, I feel good about my body and self. I feel confident. I try not to read too much into a bad sexual encounter – it is what it is. I now go into a scene without preconceived notions of what I need to bring to the table or what needs to happen. I go with the flow and enjoy what there is to enjoy. The big change seems to be that I am not willing to meet someone I had a less-than-great time with for a second round. I have no interest in repeating bad experiences, no matter how horny I am. I also no longer get frustrated when things don’t pop on the internet. If I don’t get some it is not the end of the world. There is always tomorrow. And I accept that and don’t try to will something into being just for the sake of having accomplished it. I don’t need to force a situation – eventually something will happen.

So I seem more relaxed. Of course, it is winter and who knows what state I will be in three months from now, when the weather is much nicer and I have spent untold days pining for nature. But even then, I don’t think I will base my self-esteem on whether or not someone hooks up with me or not. It’s not that important in the big picture. I would rather wait for a quality encounter where my emotional needs are met on some level and walk away satisfied.

Still, I suspect I am giving way too many front seat blow jobs to guys I don’t know all that well (or even like) to not still be considered a slut.

But it’s winter… so I have to do something to pass the time, right?