Acquired Tastes, Chapter XI : Twinks

Part of the challenge I face when writing about a variety of different topics housed under the umbrella of a general subject I like is that, on occasion, I have to write about a taste I’ve never acquired. This week’s topic: Twinks, falls under that category. It’s not that I don’t find them attractive or appreciate the aesthetics that define them as Twinks; it’s just that I don’t salivate at the thought of them or seek them out. That said, I plan on doing the topic justice and in the course of celebrating what makes them so special, I also hope to shed some light on exactly why it is that I have never developed a taste for them. So, just for the record: I am not a Twink hater. I have certainly fucked and been fucked by my fair share. However, I don’t go out of my way to pursue them and find myself questioning the true motives of those who do – especially older dudes.

Twinks

Scope of Activity:

An appreciation for young, hairless men with slender builds. Having gay male sex with same.

The Official Line:

With information from Wikipedia:

Twink is a gay slang term describing a young or young-looking gay man (in his late teens or early twenties) with a slender build, little or no body hair, and no facial hair. Twinks are often clean-shaven to emphasize a youthful, fresh-faced appearance, although many are too young to actually grow a full beard, though most are able to produce some beard growth. A Twink is "memorable for his outer packaging", not his "inner depth". The junk food reference (Hostess Twinkie) has a number of connotations, including a perceived lack of substance or intelligence, and being ideal only in the short-term, lacking lasting qualities or being very healthy.

Psychological Aspects:

I think older men sleep with younger men in order to recapture their youth because they are afraid of getting old (or dying, as pointed out in the film “Moonstruck”). Some men entertain the notion that they are still a Twink long after the Twink train has left the station. I think that’s because they have issues with growing older. Being an aging gay male is difficult enough as it is, why make it more difficult by clinging to an image that you can’t possibly maintain? And there is some truth to thought that refusing to accept and act your age makes one seem ridiculous in the eyes of others.

The internet term ‘boi’ probably came about because 1/ anyone over the age of 21 who still considers themselves a boy is a ridiculous, delusional human being and 2/ anyone who wants to have sex with a boy is a sick, perverted fuck. So in order to distance themselves from both of these less than flattering personages; “boy” became “boi”.

Power imbalance: inherent in any relationship where one member is significantly older, more established, more knowledgeable, etc. That’s what I have always been taught, and my gut tells me that it’s true. It’s that imbalance that troubles me when older men seek out younger men on an exclusive basis. Is it insecurity on the part of the older man that makes him want only Twinks, as in: he isn’t capable of having a relationship with someone his own age? Those older men will tell me no, that their attraction to young men is simply a preference. That ‘preference’ makes me uncomfortable, because it immediately makes me think of pedophilia, NAMBLA, and all that boylove nonsense; dangerous, evil nonsense, however – AND THIS IS IMPORTANT TO KEEP IN MIND – just as not all pedophiles are gay (and vice-a-versa), all men who appreciate Twinks are not pedophiles. Because Twinks who are of the age of consent can have sex with whomever they choose. So, while one can argue that there is a grey area there that borders on something obscene, the line is very clearly drawn: Over the age of 18? Cool. Under the age of 18 – so very, very, not cool.

Twinks also make me think of angels and innocence. Is innocence sexy? Not to me in any way; I find it hard to imagine that it’s sexy for anyone who isn’t into corrupting said innocence. Sex is not an act of innocence, but one of carnal knowledge. Innocence kind of goes hand in hand with inexperience – especially sexual inexperience, and while there is something charming about someone who is a bit tentative about diving into the sexual pool or a tad clumsy and awkward in the sack: if you’re going to grab my wiener, I want you to know what to do with it.

The purity of youth: do men sleep with Twinks in the hopes of some sort of redemption? Purity by association? Osmosis? Or is the relationship vampiric in nature? That would seem to circle back to the whole imbalance of power thing. And maybe it isn’t so much an imbalance of power as an imbalance of age. I’ve never actually sat down with a Twink to discuss any of this ‘older man thing’. I’m really curious as to what it is that drives them, psychologically. Is it a Daddy thing? Are they trying to fill some hole in their lives besides those in their ass and face? Is it a means of gaining access to places and possessions? Or are they just turned on by getting it on with an older dude? Of course, I seem to be forgetting that the majority of Twinks only sleep with young men their own age; young men who share similar values based on where they are in the development of their lives. It’s also important to keep in mind that not everyone under 25 is a Twink. That title, like the title ‘Cub’ in the Bear world, belongs only to a specific type of individual.

My Experience:

Slender builds generally do very little for me, unless it is a sort of white trash swimmer’s build, and that usually takes someone over the age of 25 to pull off. Boy bodies do very little for me; unless it’s an older dude (over 30) who is very short, in which case I just want to spank them and wrestle with them.

The facial hair/body hair is what lies at the heart of my lack of physical appreciation for Twinks. In my head, body hair equals manliness, and, even as a child, I was attracted to grown men; with mustaches, chest hair, pubes and yes, even back hair! I find that back hair is a really divisive issue among gay men which I find to be odd and humorous.

Are Twinks effeminate? No, not necessarily. Take skater bois, for example – many qualify as Twinks, but very few can be viewed as effeminate in any way. The Twinks that are effeminate make my dick go limp, pretty much in the same way that anyone on Manhunt who claims to be ‘straight acting’ makes me laugh aloud in a real derisive manner. You don’t have to be cute to be a Twink (but it helps, I suppose). Actually, I like my Twinks to veer toward the nerdy or white trash side of things – flaws keep them interesting, otherwise it’s like eating Wonder Bread.

I do have a thing for Twinks who shave their heads, definitely not something that most Twinks are willing to do in this hair-on-head-equals-power society we inhabit. A shaved head gives a Twink a skinhead type vibe, and while I loath what actual skinheads stand for, I do enjoy reversing that implied power imbalance (oppressing and oppressor), power slamming and really using the fuck out of a bald Twinks ass (provided they’re into that sort of thing – surprisingly, they usually are.)

Last year, out of the 388 sexual experiences I had, 53 were under the age of 30, with at least two of those being 19 years old. One of those 19 year olds was a ‘Cub’, a term applied to a young Bear, but the other was a total Twink. So I am not opposed to being with a Twink, at least not for 20 to 90 minutes or however long it takes to do the deed. But obviously, based on the small number in relation to the larger figure, I don’t go out of my way to seek them out.

There are so many things that bother me about the idea of labeling someone a Twink. It seems derogatory. It cheapens youth. It also feels vaguely slimy. It’s the ‘boy’ thing. Healthy adult gay males do not have sex with boys; they have sex with men. Personally, I want to relate intimately, emotionally and sexually with someone who is a peer. I don’t want to have to train them or deal with their inexperience or hold their hands. I don’t want to support them or house them or feed them. I want the person I have sex with to be a fully-actualized man - one in love with the idea of being gay and an adult male – even if that means being an older man. If I’m going to have sex with you, I want you love who you are; it makes things so much more fun.

I remember reading about the whole George Rekkers scandal. George is (was?) a Baptist minister, a former University of South Carolina professor, an advisor and officer with the National Association for Research & Therapy of Homosexuality, and a founding board member of the anti-gay Family Research Council. He went on vacation overseas and took a rent boy with him… a real Twink, in fact he found his escort on a site called RentBoy. Rekers was 62 at the time of the scandal and, well, to be blunt, he is not exactly what one would call ‘hot’. He is however exactly the type of guy for whom sites like RentBoy exist. For some reason the Rekkers scandal bothered me a lot more than the whole Ted Haggard scandal. I mean, at least Ted was getting it on with someone his own age. Picturing Ted rolling around on a regular basis with a hunky, age-appropriate masseuse while doing crystal meth? Hot (except for the crystal meth thing). On the other hand, picturing Rekkers attempting anything naked with some pretty, young, hairless boy-wonder? Truly cringe-worthy.

Why?

It’s that whole man-boy-love thing. Icky, icky. Makes my skin crawl. I know that has something to do with my own experiences as a (once) young, naïve, very-blonde boy, but the bulk of healthy adult gay males (and the rest of the sane world) will agree with me that there’s something not-even-close-to-right about adults having sexual contact with children or anyone under the age of consent. If teen boys want to mess around with one another, hey – let ‘em enjoy each other, but the moment there exists an age gap, which usually also is indicative of a power gap, then, Houston, we have a problem.

I would like to go so far as to include those gay youth under the age of 21, because between the ages of 18 and 21 is when most young gay men come in contact with the rest of the gay male population. That’s a critical time in their development and being taken advantage of or used by a bunch of aging gay whores is not going to help them develop into healthy older gay men.

So why do I, at my age, sleep with the occasional 19 year old? And when I do, am I taking advantage of them in the same way that I just accused others of doing? Well, fact is, I’m pretty careful with anyone under the age of 25. Usually I ignore them or ask them so many questions they get bored with me and look elsewhere. I guess my question would be why are they hitting on me? And that IS always my first question to them. I’m very suspicious whenever someone under the age of 25 hits on me. What’s in it for them? What do they want? If they’re looking for a sugar daddy or a place to crash I tell them to look elsewhere. I will never pay for sex, I’d rather go without – and that type of relationship, where one is supplying something in order to begin or continue a sexual relationship, is nothing but a form of prostitution. I’m nobody’s john.

If they’re looking for a Daddy/Son role play scene, I will indulge them, but only if, after further questioning, they seem mature enough to understand what it is they are asking for. If they simply say they are attracted to older dudes or (for some odd reason) are attracted to me, then I’m game, given that I find them attractive as well and sense that they are mature enough to deal with what will likely be a one time thing. I’m very upfront with them, making sure that all they are looking for is a one-off deal; I don’t do long-term and would never consider a long-term with anyone under the age of 35. Why? Because I’m not under 35. They should be the ones enjoying their youth, not some older dude with an angle.

Given that, and this should come to no surprise to anyone who has read my blog, I really take issue with older dudes who ONLY hook-up with younger ones. Those thirty-five year olds who only want 21 and under guys? Creepy, but not nearly as creepy as those over 40 who seem to feel they are entitled to the same. Sorry – 36 is a magical age for all men – gay or straight; our metabolism changes drastically, as does our sexual abilities. To say that a guy aged 50 who only hooks up with guys younger than 25 is one desperate queen is an understatement. That type of behavior is truly indicative of someone with a maturity problem; self-centered, self-loathing aging men with delusions of grandeur and an oversized ego.

I find myself getting pissed off whenever I read an ad on Craigslist or a profile on Adam4Adam of what seems to be, initially, a fully realized, attractive, gay male within my age range, only to read the fine print and learn that he is only into smooth, young bois under the age of 25. This is irrational (but then, what about me is rational?). I always want to write them a nasty little note and remind them that they are over a certain age and they should play with dudes their own age. Given the predominance of this type of gay, I don’t take offense when I happen on an ad by someone under 30 who specifies that they do not want to hear from anyone over the age of 40. If I was 21, I wouldn’t want to be hit on by some overly-tan aging queen with maturity issues. I do, however get upset when someone 40 only wants to hear from someone under 40. Maybe it has something to do with them not wanting to get involved with someone with as much baggage as they have, I don’t know. My inkling there is to remind them that someday, God willing, they will be 50, and then 60, and then… and then what?

I went to a bar in downtown Minneapolis called the Saloon once. Only once. I was much younger then. It took me about 20 minutes to realize what kind of bar it was and another two to realize that I wasn’t going to find what I wanted there. The Saloon is a total Twink bar. And good for them - Twinks need places to play, too. Today, at my age, I would never consider going there, as I wouldn’t want to be confused with all the drooling ghoulies who haunt the perimeter of the dance floor. But hey, to each their own; I’m sure on occasion they must catch a fish there, otherwise they wouldn’t keep coming back. Yes, I am rather contentious when it comes to those creepy oldsters who prey on the young. Why? To be honest, probably because those older guys won’t sleep with me or don’t view me as sexually compatible, but more so due to the whole power balance thing.

You know what? For the longest time I thought I had an issue with Twinks. I don’t. I have an issue with their admirers, as in those older gay men who only seek the company of Twinks. Hmmm… good to know. It sure took a lot of declension these past few days to reach that conclusion, but sometimes to make a cake you have to break a lot of eggs, am I right?

Maybe Twinks should be viewed as a protected species. Let’s face it; the young are typically not that worldly; they get taken advantage of a lot. I’m not talking about those thirty-something, hairless dudes who think they still qualify as a Twink – they know better, and are sophisticated enough to know how to market themselves as something they are not. But the real deal – actual Twinks do need our protection… there are all sorts of evil sorts (like Rekkers) who prey on them. In a way, I view Twinks as a protected species… one that needs protection from old trolls.

In my dream world there exists this tropical island paradise where Twinks get to frolic naked with one another and ride unicorns. No one over the age of 25 would be allowed to set foot on the island and once a Twink hit the magic age of 25 they would have to surrender their passport to the island. Their time to be a Twink is relatively short, afterall, and they should be allowed to enjoy it unperturbed by the lusty advances of men who should really know better (and need to grow the fuck up.)

My Conclusion:

So, my issue with Twinks actually has little to do with Twinks. No, they are not a fetish of mine, but I also don’t find ageism very attractive either, and that’s at the heart of my problem with Twinks. Did I feel this way when I was 21? No, but then I was not the same person I am now – as in, I was not out and gay and older. Also, the internet was not there to help me identify the age specific bigots that mar our big homo landscape. So do I feel that way about people who advertise that they are only into black men, or Asians? The answer is yes. I find that sort of thing offensive because you are viewing someone strictly on the basis of the color of their skin, or in the case of a Twink – by the hairlessness of their bodies and youth. Is the reverse then true as well? Am I offended when people say what they are not into? Not into Twinks, not into Caucasians? Again, yes. I think if you want to swim in the waters of sexual freedom you have to swim with all the fishes. That said, no, you don’t have to be a big slut like me, but you might want to reconsider advertising your bigoted views in your profile.

Yes, there is a difference between prejudice and preference, but the line that separates them is pretty well defined.

Bottom line: Prejudice is never attractive.

If I have to cop to having prejudices, they would be against those who take advantage of others or situations for their own selfish purposes and those that define others in terms of their skin color, heritage, religious background, age, etc.

And I can live with that.

Next week: Spanking

Acquired Tastes, Chapter X: Poppers

Lots of things get my heart racing: a big dick, walk-in scenes, being blindfolded, stalking sexual prey in the woods, etc., but Poppers is the only chemical agent that I actually inhale on any basis that causes that effect. Poppers have become part of my modus operendi and my sex kit – and I’m not talking about the jalapeño kind that get Paul Deen all wet in the panties (although, she’s a progressive gal, so who knows).

Poppers have been on the scene for a long time. They were hella popular during the 1970’s and remain a consistent part of gay male sex. They remained a foreign element for me for the longest time. I remember the ammonia capsules that I were part of my First Aid Kit as a football manager. Someone shoved one of those under my nose once; I recoiled and never messed with them again. That stimulant is created when ammonium carbonate is mixed with perfume. The ammonia fumes from the salts irritate the membranes of the nose and lungs which triggers a reflex causing the muscles that control breathing to work faster. You may know them as “smelling salts”. Brett Farve was caught last season on the sidelines using them as a sort of performance enhancer (for the game, not for those dick pics he sent to that woman). Their use is also prevalent among certain college athletic teams and power lifters.

During the 80’s I worked at a convenience store next to one of Ferris Alexander’s porn movie theatres. There was an occasion when a fellow came in, bought a can of Lysol spray, went outside and promptly sprayed the whole can into a washcloth. He then put it to his face and passed out on the sidewalk. At the time, I thought that was just crazy business, but it turns out it’s something that was prevalent among the Native American population. This is an overt example of huffing, but I didn’t recognize it as such at the time.

The whole concept of huffing really wasn’t on my horizon until the late 90’s. And thanks to the A&E show “Intervention”, I now know only too well the pitfalls and means of excessive huffing.

Now, let’s not kid ourselves here -I do my best to not be my own fool. I don’t think I’m going to ruffle anyone’s feathers, but let’s face it – Poppers is huffing; it’s just a more socially accepted form of it. Granted, The Merck Manual of Diagnosis and Therapy once reported that there was “little evidence of any significant hazard associated with the inhalation of alkyl nitrites” and a 1983 U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission stated that "Available injury data did not indicate a significant risk of personal injury or illness from room odorizer abuse.", but there are still side effects – usually mild, though in some cases more severe.

I’ve often wondered what law enforcement thinks about them. Recently, Poppers manufacturers came under fire by the FDA. The plants producing them were shut down and sex shops pulled all product off their shelves. A month later, the plants were allowed to reopen, production resumed, and sex shops were selling them again (at a higher price, of course). As far as local laws, I am not aware of any that prohibit one from possessing Poppers. However, if I was stopped by a police officer, in my car or in the woods and had a bottle in my possession would I be ticketed or censured in some way? If anyone knows, please write me.

Poppers

Scope of Activity:

The inhalation of nitrates during sex (gay male sex).

The Official Line:

With information from Wikipedia:

Poppers are a class of chemicals called alkyl nitrites. These are chemical compounds of structure R–ONO. In more formal terms, they are alkyl esters of nitrous acid. The first few members of the series are volatile liquids; methyl nitrite and ethyl nitrite are gaseous at room temperature and pressure. Organic nitrites are prepared from alcohols and sodium nitrite in a sulfuric acid solution. They decompose slowly on standing; the decomposition products being oxides of nitrogen, water, alcohol, and the polymerization products of the aldehyde.

Nitrates were initially prescribed to treat angina. At one point they were made available without a prescription (1960), but due to a rise in recreational use, that decision was reversed in 1969. Other alkyl nitrites were outlawed in the USA by Congress through the Anti-Drug Abuse Act of 1988, but the law included an exception for commercial purposes – which is exactly how the sex shops get around the law and why the terms “room odorizer” or “head cleaner” appear on the labels of bottles of Poppers.

Inhaling nitrites relaxes smooth muscles throughout the body, including the sphincter muscles of the anus. Smooth muscle surrounds the body's blood vessels and when relaxed causes these vessels to dilate, resulting in an immediate increase in heart rate and blood flow throughout the body. This produces a sensation of heat and excitement that usually lasts for a couple of minutes. It is unclear if there is a direct effect on the brain.

Alkyl nitrites are often used as a club drug (while dancing) or to enhance a sexual experience. The head rush, euphoria, and other sensations that result from the increased heart rate are often felt to increase sexual arousal and desire. Supposedly, Poppers enhance and prolong orgasms. However, this euphoric experience is not universal; some men report that Poppers can cause short-term erectile problems and headaches. Also, if one’s skin is exposed directly to the chemical in liquid form, minor burns may result.

With prolonged use, you will find that the rim of your nostrils will become inflamed or ‘scorched’ and your eyes will become red. Poppers can also mess with your immune system. The next day you may have plugged sinuses and a sore throat (although the sore throat could be due to having had a big old dick massaging your tonsils for an extended period of time).

For a time, during the peak of the AIDS scare, use of Poppers was thought to be a possible cause or source agent. That has since been disproved, although if you have HIV there is some evidence that that use of Poppers can have a very negative effect on your already damaged immune system.

Poppers are not for everyone. If you have a heart condition you should not use Poppers. Viagra and Poppers should not be used simultaneously, as in combination they may cause heart issues. And never smoke (period) and do Poppers at the same time - that shit is flammable, childrens! You gots to be careful!
Psychological Aspects:

I do happen to experience the euphoria described above. Initially, when I first began to use them it was incredibly intense; I felt like I was melting. Now, I still experience something akin to that, though since it’s no longer a new a sensation it seems less intense. I also have to inhale them more deeply, for a longer period of time before I am satisfied and the desired effect is achieved.

They are definitely a means of escape for me; as in, I seek to be less conscious of what I’m doing. Part of that is because I want to get over myself; prevent myself from being too critical, or too aware of my surroundings. In a way, they become a means of giving myself permission to do something – like whore my ass out – that I would not normally do. I also use them when confronted with a larger-than-average or thicker-than-average dick. In those instances, inhaling Poppers allows me to relax my muscles, which in turn relaxes me psychologically. When in such a relaxed state having one of those monsters stretch my hole, while still an intense experience, is a much less painful one.

I worry that I use them as a crutch to get through less-than-wonderful sexual encounters. At one point I was very concerned that the only reason I was having sex with anyone was so I would have an excuse to do Poppers.

I discovered that doing them alone is not much fun, or at least I don’t enjoy them as much. I’ve also entertained the idea of being ‘addicted to Poppers’. However, I have managed to resist the urge to use them, time and time again, and have had sex numerous times without them since that concern was raised. There is also no evidence that Poppers are addictive, although I think they can be habit forming.

Maintaining an erection while doing Poppers can be difficult for me, so I don’t do them when topping. I have had success flip flopping with them, and that is especially true when their use is combined with 420. In those instances maintaining at least a three-quarter erection was possible for an unusual length of time, as were multiple orgasms.

My Experience:

The first time I tried them was in 1987 – and I HATED them. Why would anyone do this to themselves, I thought. They were awful. It didn’t make me feel sexual at all; instead it scared the hell out of me. I didn’t try them again until I switched over and became a hard core bottom, which was about 2001, I think. I was working downtown, spending a lot of time cruising the skyways and checking out the active Tea Rooms. The person responsible for turning me onto Poppers at that time was this little black stallion that I used to meet up with once or twice a month in this warehouse space in the basement of a certain downtown landmark. He was very short, had a tiny, tight body, and was extremely cute. He also had a huge dick, which I didn’t appreciate nearly enough at the time. Anyway, I do believe he was the reason I started to do them. I started purchasing them about that time, too.

The other person who was influential was this older, redheaded dude that I used to host at my place from time to time. Initially, I just adored that sense of fading away I was able to achieve with him. He had a thick dick and it was early in my career as a bottom, so melting onto a dick definitely was preferable to getting all anxious about it.

Shortly after that I started doing them while cruising in Tea Rooms. One learns quickly in those situation that little brown bottles coming in contact with ceramic tile will result in a loss of Poppers, broken glass, and a big mess. I also learned, the hard way, that Poppers when spilled on linoleum can cause serious damage to the floor. I think it was also about then I began to grow concerned about the harmful effects of Poppers. I mean, if they can do THAT to linoleum, then just think what they are can do to soft tissue and brain cells.

I love it when my tops use Poppers. There is something super sexy about them taking a hit and then fucking me. It’s like the Poppers have the opposite effect on them, like they become Superman or something. It makes me view them as very powerful. I also love watching porn or amateur porn (on XTube) where dudes use Poppers, either while having sex with someone else or while masturbating. The baters who talk about it while doing it, as if you are in the room, send me over the edge every time. I also love it when a top orders his bottom to take a hit. God, that gets to me, big time - I feel like a school-girl talking about Justin Bieber, for Christ-sakes. Jeesh.

Wait a second… I gotta get a hold of myself. Whoa!

Okay, heart returning to near normal level.

I use Poppers so frequently that I can’t single out an instance when they were more responsible for me having a good time than any other time. They’ve become such a part of my act that no single instance is distinguishable from the others. I have written about Poppers previously on this blog. That post can be found here: http://wonderlandburlesque.blogspot.com/2009/04/pop-pop.html

It is more fun when the person you’re with does them, too. Or enjoys them. Or likes you enjoying them. Or forces them on you. A dom top who holds a bottle to my nose and orders me to inhale? Hot. Sharing them face to face can be sweet, too. Weirdly romantic – probably something akin to what those goth couples doing absinthe experience. It’s interesting… writing about this? It makes me feel like a drug addict. Next, I was going to compare it to something that Courtney and Kurt must have experienced when they did heroin together, but I think that’s going too far. Heroin seems so selfish and withdrawn. Poppers temporarily touch on that sort of feeling, but really are more about the initial rush. And Poppers are social – I mean, what’s more social than getting fucked?

Oh… Brands! Which have I had good success with? I really like Man Scent and Amsterdam. But really? I think they are all pretty much alike. It comes down to keeping them cold and sealed tightly once they are unsealed. A lot of users will tell you that once the seal is broken, it’s all down hill from there, but I have found that if I mix what’s left in all my mini-bottles into one bottle, sometimes they come back alive.

I’ve gotten over that whole – never snort from a bottle without a label thing. It used to freak out when someone would hand me a plain brown bottle. I mean, what are you handing me? Who knows? Are you trying to gas me or something? In instances where I feel unsafe, I just refuse. No harm in saying no. Better safe than sorry.

The one thing I have not experienced? Have you ever seen one of those gas masks with the hose on the end and they stick a bottle of poppers on the end of it? I’ve seen this on Xtube and it looks intriguing, but then again, it also looks like something that might make me vomit. Yes, too much of a good thing is rarely a good thing, and in the case of poppers, I have a feeling that less is more… as in more fun. But because I have never tried it, I can’t say for certain whether or not it is something I would enjoy. So, if the opportunity presented itself – I’d more than likely (provided I felt safe with the person I was with) I would try it. The one thing about those Xtube vids that I’ve seen that disturb me a bit? The guys are also bound at the time, so they have no ability to resist or take the mask off if it would make them ill. Being tied up at the time certainly ramps up the amps, making the whole scene more intense, but I would probably ask to try it out without my hands being bound first. Again – better safe than sorry.

My Conclusion:

Writing about Poppers has been rather like the product itself – kind of a rush. That said, I have tempered my usage quite a bit. About three years ago I wouldn’t do anything sexual without them. Since that time I’ve relaxed that rule and discovered that getting fucked without them can actually be more pleasurable. Without them I remain hyper aware of my body and more responsive and sensitive to changes; such as the stretching and pulling of muscle tissue. There have been times when I think my performance as a sexual partner has indeed suffered because of my use – nobody likes a dead-weight bottom; one who just lays there and makes the top do all the work. That’s boorish, boring behavior. Excessive Popper use, I have found, can lead in that direction.

At the same time, I doubt I will ever give them up, or at least not until I withdraw from the field of sexual encounters. And I don’t see myself doing that anytime soon.

Next week: Twinks

The Kinky Report: March 16, 2010 - March 15, 2011

Introduction

On March 16, 2009, I began keeping a diary of sorts in order to capture information regarding my sexual exploits. I published the statistics I was able to glean from that recorded data last year here: http://wonderlandburlesque.blogspot.com/2010/03/kinky-report-march-16-2009-march-15.html

The following is a list of statistics from this year’s (3/16/10 – 3/15/11) data. The diary is fairly accurate as I did a good job of consistently recording my exploits. In fact, unlike last year, I managed to record every sexual encounter I had during that time period.

It should be noted that this year a “bath house” opened in Minneapolis. I put that in quotes because it really isn’t an official business; rather it’s something of a best kept secret/underground sensation. I’ve visited seven times since it opened, and while I initially limited the number of guys I would play with when there, during my last two visits I just went with the flow and had an over the top time. I also attended two, small-scale sex parties in private homes (a first). Those events probably had some impact on this year’s numbers.

I’m thinking it might be important to compare this year’s stats to last year’s, so the data will be presented in the following format: This Year’s Stat / Last Year’s Stat.

Stats
Closed for Business: 34 / 40
Stood Up: 15 / 8
No, Didn’t Find Anything or Not in the Mood: 161 / 157
Total Days of No Sexual Activity: 195 (55% of Year / 205 (58% of Year)
Number of Days I Did Look and Find: 157 (2.47 Men per Day) (45% of Year) / 160 (1.67 Men per Day) (44% of Year)
Total Number of Times I Participated in Sexual Activity: 388/267 (45% Increase)

Activity
No Cum: Number of Times Guys Failed or Chose Not to Cum: 99/ 38 (161% increase)
Flip Flop: 4 / 6 (33% decrease)
Me Top: 12 / 16 (25% decrease)
Oral on Me: 76 / 18 (322% increase)
Oral: 181 / 148 (22% increase)
Anal: 25 / 4 (525% increase)
Oral and Anal: 137 / 92 (49% increase)
Kiss: 125 / 65 (92% increase)
Rim (me or them): 56 / 26 (115% increase)
J/O: 46 / 19 (142% increase)
Menage a trios: 28 /12 (133% increase)
Group Activity: 15 / 5 (200 % increase)
Blindfolded: 33 / 35 (6% decrease)

Location
Total Outdoors: 162 (42% of all sexual activity for year) / 160 (60% of all sexual activity for year) (4% decrease)
Bog/Wirth: 27 / 50 (46% decrease)
Prairie: 81 / 74 (9% increase)
St Paul: 0 / 3 (100% decrease)
East River Road: 54 / 33 (64% increase)

Car: 29 / 14 (At the listed parks) (107% increase)

Total Indoors: 226 (58% of all sexual activity for the year) / 107 (40% of all sexual activity for the year) (111% increase)
Rehab House: 48 / 33 (45% increase)
My Place: 13 / 11 (18% increase)
Their Place: 54 / 47 (15% increase)
Hotel: 14 / 4 (250% increase)
Public (Garage, Restroom, Sauna, Gym, or Their Office): 97 (20 of which were in a garage) / 12 (708% increase)

The Experience
Exceptional: 46 (12% of experiences)/28 (10.5% of experiences)
Good: 99 (26% of experiences) / 74 (27.5% of experiences)
Average: 182 (47% of experiences) / 108 (40.5% of experiences)
Bad: 61 (16% of experiences) / 57 (21% of experiences)
Repeat: 115 (30% of experiences) / 122

Race
White: 335 (86%) / 225 (84%)
Black: 18 (5%) / 20 (7.5%)
Asian: 5 (1%) / 2 (1%)
East Indian: 6 (2%) / 6 (2%)
Hispanic: 24 (6%) / 14 (5%)

SizeOver 8: 62 (16%) / 54 (20%)
7 to 8: 114 (29%) / 99 (37%)
Under 7: 144 (7 to 6) and 68 (Age20’s: 53 (14%) / 35 (13%)
30’s: 98 (25%) / 74 (28%)
40’s: 167 (43%) / 102 (38%)
50’s: 60 (15%) / 53 (20%)
60’s: 10 (3%) / 3 (1%)

Physical Condition
Excellent Shape: 80 (21%) / N/A
Good Shape: 148 (38%) / 89 (33%) – (Means: This year 228 were in Good or Excellent Shape, which accounts for 59% of all experiences)
Okay Shape: 123 (32%) / 124 (46%)
Bad Shape: 37 (9%) / 54 (20%)
Long Time (over an hour): 29 / N/A
Handsome: 98 (25%) / 64 (24%)
Bald: 41 (11%) / 42 (16%)

Definition of Terms

Closed for Business: 34
Due to a series of minor surgeries that took place during the year and the aftermath of recovery associated, I was physically unable to participate in sexual activity on these days. These may have also been days when I had a cold and abstained. This accounts for 9% of the year.

Stood Up: 15
These are occasions when I had plans with an individual and that individual failed to show. This would not necessarily sour my mood and curtail activities for that day.

No, Didn’t Find Anything or Not in the Mood: 161Data failed to distinguish between these two reasons for lack of sexual activity.

Flip Flop: 4
Describes occasions when an individual would perform anal sex as a top with me in the role of bottom and then I would perform anal sex as a top with them in the role of bottom.

Me Top: 12Times I served as the only top during the encounter, describing occasions when I would perform anal sex as a top with them in the role of bottom.

Oral on Me: 76
Occasions when I received oral sex from another – this may, or may not have been done in conjunction with other types of sexual activity.

Oral: 181Occasions when the only activity engaged in, other than kissing, fondling or frottage, was me performing oral sex on an individual

Anal: 25Occasions when the only activity engaged in was me being topped by (receiving anal sex or bottoming) an individual (no kissing, fondling or frottage).

Oral and Anal: 137Occasions when I performed oral sex on and individual and received anal sex from the same individual.

Kiss: 125
Occasions when kissing was involved.

Rim (me or them): 56
Occasions when rimming was involved and I performed it on them and/or they performed it on me.

J/O: 46Occasions when masturbation (mutual or solo) – this may, or may not have been done in conjunction with other types of sexual activity.

Menage a trios: 28Occasions when two individuals and myself participated in sexual activities with one another at the same time.

Group Activity: 15
Occasions when 3 or more individuals and myself participated in sexual activities with one another at the same time.
Least number present (includes self) to qualify as Group Activity: 4.

Blindfolded: 33
Occasions when I wore a blindfold during sexual activity. Typical scenario featured me wearing blindfold before other(s) arrived, until other(s) departed.
Total Outdoors: 162Number of sexual encounters that took place outside, typically in wooded areas
Bog/Wirth: 27, Prairie: 81, St Paul: 0, East River Road: 54Parks/Wooded Areas where sexual activity took place
Car: 29 (At the listed parks)This number in included in the number of total outdoor sexual encounters and is accounted for as they related to the park/wooded area where initial contact and subsequent agreement to engage in sexual activity took place.

Total Indoors: 226
Number of sexual encounters that took place indoors (Private House or Public Building)
Rehab House: 48Occasions when an individual(s) would come to a house I was rehabbing for the purposes of sexual activity

Hotel: 14
Scenario where I traveled to their (out of town visitor) hotel room, here in the Twin Cities

Public (Garage, Restroom, Sauna, Gym, or Their Office): 97 (20 of which were in a garage)
Occasions when sex took place in a non-traditional location other than outdoors
The Experience (Exceptional: 46, Good: 99, Average: 182, Bad: 61)These ratings are defined by my personal likes and dislikes as relating to sexual activity and/or the physical attributes or behavior of the individual(s) involved. Ratings are of a purely subjective nature.
Repeat: 115Occasions when I engaged in sexual activity with a given individual on more than one occasion. It includes individuals with whom I engaged in sexual activity with prior to the beginning of the defined year, but had occasion to have engage in sexual activity during the defined year.

Size (Over 8: 62, 7 to 8: 114, 7-6: 144, Under 6: 68)
As it relates to the length of an individuals fully erect penis in units of inches. Measurements based on personal visual determination or claims of individual as stated in emails and then verified via personal visual determination. (Note: Last year there was not a category labeled “Under 6”.)

Age (20’s: 53, 30’s: 98, 40’s: 167, 50’s: 60, 60’s: 10)
In terms of years, based on personal visual determination or claims of individual as stated in emails or during conversation and then verified via personal visual determination.
Physical Condition:As it relates to an individual’s body in terms of muscle tone, percentage of body fat and a visual determination of physical health. Determination subjective in nature. (Note: Last year there was not a category labeled “Excellent”.)
Excellent Shape: 80Individual displayed one or more of the following attributes: Very Muscular Physique, Washboard Abs. A build that could be described as Extremely Athletic or Very Muscular.
Good Shape: 148Individual displayed one or more of the following attributes: Muscular Physique, Toned Physique, Low % of Body Fat, Flat Abdomen. A Build that could be described as: Muscular, Toned, Trim, Worked-Out, Somewhat Worked-Out, Buff, Swimmers, Thin, Wiry, Athletic, Jock, Slim, Twink
Okay Shape: 123Individual displayed one or more of the following attributes: A Somewhat Muscular Physique, A Somewhat Toned Physique, Average to Somewhat More Than Average % of Body Fat, A Slightly Protruding Belly (Hard). A Build that could be described as: Beefy, Bear, Average,
Bad Shape: 37Individual displayed one or more of the following attributes: A Lack of Muscular Tone, More Than Average to Excessive % of Body Fat, A Distended Belly (Soft). A Build that could be described as: Flabby, Large, Big, Fat, Obese, Soft, Unkempt
Long Time: 29Sexual encounters that lasted over an hour in length

Handsome: 98
As it relates to the construction and contours of an individuals face, determination subjective in nature.
Bald: 41Includes individuals with shaved, closely buzzed or naturally bald heads. Does not include individuals who are balding or have an “eagles nest” hair style.

Conclusion

I’m a dirty, filthy slut; granted one that runs a clean house, but a big whore none the less.

Last year I actually said “But there is room to grow.” I guess I grew. Or something did. Like that was something I needed to work on?

My down time was actually pretty much the same as last year. So the only explanation I have for the huge increase in sexual encounters is the opening of that “bath house”. It is a pretty amazing scene. I’m a little paranoid about it though; I keep expecting the cops to catch on and raid the place. Hope I’m not there when it happens. They have talked about extending their hours of operations. We’ll see. I know I’ll be there.

I actually ended up staying away from the Prairie area for over a month last year – during high season – due to some rather unhappy events in my life at that time (two of my dogs passed away). This year I am so looking forward to being there, but the Park and Wrecks department keeps trimming away at our area, making it more family friendly and accessible. I’m sure I’ll be writing about developments there on this blog. I just miss the sun and the woods.

In any case… I’m exhausted. I’ve continued to see my doctor every 3 months and was checked for all STDs at each visit – so I’m not sick (okay, you can argue that I am), but I am tired. Weary, really. I think I’m a little overwhelmed at the number this year. Sure, I bet there are those who get it more often and do more, and more power to them – I’m just not that kind of sex addict; I’m just not built that way. I think I may have been in competition with the last year’s numbers. I also seemed to be racing toward the end of the year to make sure my numbers were up. Given that, I have come to the conclusion that keeping track of my sexual activity actually spurred on my desire to make sexual contact with others. In other words, it fed the madness. Last year, I remember feeling exhilarated and turned on by my stats. Well, what a difference a year makes. I’m getting more tired just writing this.

I’ve already admitted (last year) that I am a sex addict. Has being one had a negative impact on my life? Not so far. When things occurred that called for my attention (business, family, and friends), sex took a back seat and I did what I needed to do. I’m a fairly self-aware person and constantly check in with the world to see if more is required of me than what I’m giving. Sure, I could go back to school or buckle down at work and be one of those eager beavers who act on their ambitions, but I don’t harbor any such fantasies (though I may take a music theory class this year). I have been getting more serious, in a non-neurotic way, about my singing. I think one of the few things that prevent me from becoming more of an authority or more authoritative when it comes to my music is my lack of music theory. Well, that and confidence and talent.

A good friend of mine (one of very few) told me that I have sex in order to bolster my self-esteem. He said I work out for the same reason. I would probably have to agree with that. But so what? I also volunteer my time and energy to non-profits, have a full-time job, a flourishing side business, and am closer to my immediate family than ever. So, I don’t think anyone or anything is suffering. I even go to church every weekend and sing in the choir. How do I rationalize going to church with my sex life? I just do. Sex is part of my being spiritual.

The one thing I have noticed is that I’m less likely to throw anyone a mercy fuck, less likely to stress myself out in order to arrange a tryst, and more likely to say “no” or walk away when approached by someone I could live without doing. That’s a new development. I was thinking I might not record my stats for next year. Doing so feels out of control, pushing me beyond what I would normally do or seek out. That seems to contradict my statement regarding walking away or saying no, but that also indicates just how sexually available I made myself this year. That said… I have in fact already begun recording stats for the year.

Last night I stopped at this park I like. I spent two hours hiking around, exploring the melting snow in relation to the rising water levels. No one else was hiking; they were all sitting in their cars. When I got back to my car there were a couple of cars in the parking lot and it was still nicely sunny out. I stripped down to nothing in my car, in order to change my clothes, and noticed a guy with a beard and dark glasses sitting in his car, staring at me. So I took my time, thinking he was going to eventually get out of his car and wander over to see what I was doing. Sure enough, he did. I wasn’t hard yet, and still had on a t-shirt. He was cute. Older, slim, short, nice compact body and a nice chin, after walking close enough to my car to check me out, he leaned against his car. He was wearing a nice pair of dark blue jeans and his fly was open. Eventually he opened them up and revealed a nice, uncut, seven and half incher with a wicked curve. I emptied my passenger seat, unlocked my door and he slipped inside.

We got right to business. He complimented my body, played a little bit with my dick (which was now rock hard) before I went down on him. Curved dicks are always fun to play with; his curved to the left. Nice thing is he was hard as a rock, too. His cock slid easily down my throat and he was definitely appreciative of my efforts. I was now completely naked as he began playing with my hole while I sucked him. He wanted to fuck me, but there was no way that was going to happen right there and then: it was too bright out, and that sort of thing rarely goes well in a car. I told him we’d have to wait until summer when we could go fuck in the woods. After cumming in my mouth, he zipped up and asked me if I wanted to exchange phone numbers. I pretended I hadn’t heard him. I sat back, my dick still hard, thinking maybe he might help me out, but no go. We parted, promising to look for each other in the future.

The future… well, I guess we all know what that holds for me: lots of time on the prairie! Bring on summer!

Yeah, so little changes here…

Next week: Back to “Acquired Tastes” with the topic – Poppers.

Acquired Tastes, Chapter IX : Size (Queen)

I think by now that I’ve gotten the idea across that Acquired Tastes are really all in the eye of the beholder. In this instance, there is nothing my eye likes to behold better than a big, fat juicy, dangling dick (or a hard one, if you please). That qualifies me for the title Size Queen; something I have fought and denied my whole life. But what’s the shame in that? I don’t understand. If a straight man likes big titties, he can say so with pride, but in the gay community, telling someone that you prefer a big dick to a small one is some kind of anathema. Why? Because there are many more moderately sized to tiny sized dudes out there than there are those who are truly blessed. So we compensate. We tell ourselves size doesn’t matter, so we can feel better about our own relatively average sizes.

In other words, we lie. We lie to ourselves. We lie to the world. We deny ourselves the pleasure of relishing in something we really enjoy. We deny ourselves the opportunity to celebrate it. We put others down in order to feel better about ourselves.

Fuck that. Man up.

Size Queens of the world? It’s time to unite. It’s time to free ourselves of the shame. I can’t tell you how many times someone has hurled the term size queen at me as if it was an insult meant to hurt (and it did – more the queen part than the size thing, but that’s a topic for another Acquired Tastes). But that’s my fault. I allowed that to happen. Fact is… liking a big dick pretty much goes with liking dick – as in – being gay. Why put up with all the bullshit you have to deal with being a gay male and then deny yourself one of the pleasures of being gay? There are enough people putting gays down out there as is; let’s not be part of that problem.

Do all dicks need to be big in order to qualify as nice? No. I can think of a number of really pretty cocks I have had the pleasure of seeing in the locker room or up close and personal. I may have not gotten the opportunity to help them rise to the occasion and fulfill their potential, but I certainly have appreciated just being able to look at them. That said if it happens to be a bit on the large side, swing with a healthy weight as in possessing a pendulous quality, then so much the better. Big can be pretty, too.

Now, I know there are those dudes on Craigslist that advertise that they are looking for those on the small side. Good for them. How commendable. When offered a smaller portion, I never turn it down; a free meal being a free meal. It just means that I have to make a few extra trips to the sex buffet that day, if you know what I mean (until I meet my meat quota – not). Nice thing is I always know when I’m full and when to stop. True, frequently my eyes are too big for what I can stomach, but then I just excuse myself and push away from the buffet.

It’s all a matter of perspective; you use your own size as the jumping off point for comparisons. If you’re six inches, then 7.5 seems large to you, than say me, someone who has 7.5. For me 8 is great, 8.5 is generous and anything over nine is huge. I like my dick. I like its size, shape, color and texture. It does the trick, so to speak. I wonder if that’s true for everyone? Do we consider what we have as the norm and everything else is different, pro or con, depending on our experience with different kinds of cocks? Does everyone wish they were larger?

Is this an adolescent thing to contemplate? Is that why size queens are put down so vigorously? Because being enamored of big cocks is considered juvenile?

Then I guess I’m still an adolescent, because I am.a…

Size (Queen)

Scope of Activity:

The objectification of the male penis (erect or not) based on length and width.

The Official Line:
From Wikipedia:

A study undertaken at Utrecht University found that the majority of homosexual men in the study regarded a large penis as ideal, and having one was linked to self esteem. One study analyzing the self-reported Kinsey data set found that homosexual men had statistically larger penises than their heterosexual counterparts. One potential explanation given is a difference in the exposure to androgen hormones in the developing embryo. Evidence points towards men of each of these two orientations being equally likely to exaggerate the size of their penis.

Perceptions of penis size are culture-specific. In Ancient Greece and in Renaissance art, an uncircumcised and small penis was culturally seen as desirable in a man, whereas a bigger or circumcised penis was viewed as comical or grotesque. Ancient Rome may have had a contrary view, and a larger penis size was preferred in medieval Arabic literature.

Another study, conducted at Groningen University Hospital, asked 375 sexually active women (who had recently given birth) the importance of penis size and concluded: "Although clearly in the minority, a nevertheless considerable percentage of the women respondents attached substantial importance to the size of the male sexual organ".

The term size queen is slang for a person who prefers their sexual partner(s) to have a larger-than-average penis.

Growers not show-ers: the phenomenon of penises that appear small or average when flaccid, but exceed expected length when fully erect.

There is evidence both for and against a link between penis size and the size of other body parts. One study found a weak correlation between the size of the stretched penis and foot size and height. Another investigation failed to find any evidence for a link between shoe size and stretched penis size. A potential explanation for a link is that the development of the penis in an embryo is controlled by some of the same Hox genes as those that control the development of the limbs. Mutations of some Hox genes that control the growth of limbs cause malformed genitalia (hand–foot–genital syndrome).

Most of human penis growth happens between infancy and the age of five, and in five years after the onset of puberty. Age is not believed to negatively correlate with penis size, and studies have not found a relation between penis size and race. There is evidence both for and against a link between penis size and the size of other body parts. Some environmental factors in addition to genetic, such as the presence of endocrine disruptors, can affect penis growth

Psychological Aspects:

When it comes to penis size, insecurity abounds. Society, as evidenced by television sitcom content, is obsessed with male genital size. There’s not an episode of Two and a Half Men that doesn’t crack at least one penis size related joke, most of which are at the expense of those less endowed.

Males may quite easily underestimate the size of their own penis relative to that of others, and many men who believe that their penis is of inadequate size have average-sized penises. The perception of having a large penis is often linked to higher self esteem.

For women, width rather than length is a more important factor of sexual stimulation. A study published in BMC Women's Health surveyed women's preferences concerning penis size and concluded that width rather than length is a more important factor of sexual stimulation. Similar results were found in a cover story published in Psychology Today, which surveyed 1,500 readers (about 2/3 women) about male body image. Many of the women were not particularly concerned with penis size and over 71% thought men overemphasized the importance of penis size and shape. Generally, the women polled cared more about width than men thought, and less about length. "...the number one reason women preferred a thicker penis was that it was more satisfying during intercourse."
Widespread private concerns related to penis size have led to a number of folklore sayings and popular culture reflections related to penis size.

Penis panic is a form of mass hysteria involving the believed removal or shrinking of the penis, known as genital retraction syndrome.

Products such as penis pumps, pills, and other dubious means of penis enlargement are some of the most marketed products in email spam.

At present there is no consensus in the scientific community of any non-surgical technique that permanently increases either the thickness or length of the erect penis that already falls into the normal range (4.5" to 7").

My Experience:
Based on my experience most dudes are 6-7 inches (and trust me, I’ve done a lot of independent research). Nothing wrong with that, but if that was all that life offered, I have a feeling I wouldn’t be such a damn sex addict.

For me, if a dude has a big penis it can make up for his other short comings – like say, the inability to carry on a conversation, or use words with more than two syllables, or having poor taste in music, movies or television, or poor hygiene.

Like everyone else, I remember checking out and comparing other guys penises since the first day of gym class. It was an absolutely innate thing to do. I began in fifth grade and have never stopped. I especially being infatuated with a couple of high school coaches with big members. As a kid, seeing an adult penis was like seeing a great painting; a locker room was like visiting a fine art museum – my eyes could simply not take it all in.

The biggest one I ever played with? Probably eight years ago? Fifteen inches - hard. Belonged to this really tall, really thin older white dude. We hit it off on-line and out of total curiosity, I decided I had to go and play with it. I get there and we end up talking, sitting opposite each other in his living room for about forty minutes. The entire time I’m thinking, hey, where’s the magic rod? Where’s the sex? Finally he gets the hint, or comes to his senses, and realizes that while the conversation is fine, this is a hook-up and he needs to serve up the salami. He walks me to his refrigerator and tells me to pick out a bottle of poppers. The butter holder on the fridge is filled with dozens of tiny brown bottles, all left, he tells me, by former tricks of his. I pick something out and then follow him to his bedroom. His bed is really, really high up from the ground and I don’t remember all the specifics, other than, he has no trouble getting his dick hard and keeping it hard. It’s definitely on the thin side, but when dealing with that length, maybe there is some type of optical illusion at play and it would turn out, if measured that his is quite average in width. At this time, I hadn’t been bottoming all that long, but I decided this was definitely a dick I had to experience. I think he said something like, “Well, now I suppose you’re going to want to sit on it. So, knock yourself out.” Or something to that affect; very nonchalant and rather bored with the whole thing. Ignoring this, I stood up on the bed and began sliding my way down his member, sucking down the poppers the whole time. It was intense and oddly soothing. Once I reached the bottom and was sitting firmly on his pubic bones… I immediately shot my load all over his face and chest. I mean, the stuff just flew out of my dick. I remember making some silly whooping noise as it happened and being rather amazed by the whole thing.

Apologizing, I began sliding off his dick, thinking we would continue. “No problem,” he said, “happens all the time.” But that was it. Game over. I commented that I felt bad that he didn’t get to cum, to which he replied, “Oh, not a big deal. At my age, cumming is not that big of a deal.” I’m not sure if he meant that at his age orgasms were boring or if it was just not visually impressive. (I think he meant the latter.) We chatted a bit more. He showed me his extensive art collection and I left. So, been there, done that; saw the mountain and I climbed it; my volcano erupted, his did not.

Recently, I’ve gone through a period where all I seem to attract are those with really average dicks. They’re fun to play with and I am grateful for their efforts, it’s just some times what I really want is to have my hole stretched and filled to the brim. I was about to resign myself to living in a world of 6.5 inch dicks, when something in the universe shifted and I was granted access to a couple of fucking awesome cocks in a single day.

It’s late morning on a Thursday. My boss is out of town on business, so my schedule was really flexible. If it had been during the summer I would have been out at the prairie sunning myself and cruising. But it’s winter… that part they refer to as the dead of winter, which also adequately describes my recent run of luck when playing online. Bored, I go to a site I visit often. I immediately notice that there are two ‘quick ads’ posted for my area. Quick ads refer to notices members seeking instant gratification – as in ‘right now’ – post. Usually there are no more than three in my area at anytime and usually they are all bottoms, but I always check just in case. This time there is an ad posted by a dude called TotalTop. He’s on my ‘friends’ list, but I rarely see him online and have never had an opportunity to hook up with him. There’s not a lot of info in his profile and his pics are all headless body shots, featuring his big old nine inch pole. He’s in good shape, slim, tall, smooth and several years younger than me, but I decide it’s worth a shot, so I shoot him an email asking if he’s up for some ‘hot lunch’. Much to my surprise, he hits me back. His message is very cryptic and I am thinking this is probably not going to go anywhere. But what the hell, I have a limited number of emails on this particular site and wasn’t anywhere near my limit, so why not waste them on this dude? So I do. In his second email he mentions something about wanting to fuck somebody in his workroom. That triggers something in my head, but I’m not certain – maybe it is just a coincidence. I tell him where I am and ask for his location. When I read his reply I realize I know this dude – as a total bottom. Turns out he has two profiles on the site – one for when he is in a bottom mood and another when he wants to top. He tells me it is pretty rare for him to want to top, but it does happen and today he is definitely in the mood to seed some hole. I race to clean up and then set a time to meet.

It’s nice when you know where you’re going, especially when sex is on the mind. I pull into his parking lot, gather what I will need and head to a metal door that is cracked open. Last time I entered here, I found a nice, smooth bottom bent over a covered crate, waiting for my dick. It was hot and sweet. His workroom is like something out of a gay porno, in other words, it’s perfect. Even the lighting is cool. I loved working my dick into his hole amid all the tools and miscellaneous shit that collects in these kind of shops. Not having topped in a long time, I surprised myself by doing a pretty good job, changing it up, varying my tempo and thrust, and lasting just long enough to have made it worthwhile for both of us. We’d talked online before and he had claimed to be versatile, but based on the profile I knew him by, I doubted that was true, but I figured if I could do it, then this dude was capable of it, too.

Sneaking in, I immediately disrobe, letting my clothes fall to the floor right next to the door. I slip on a jock strap and my cock ring before moving toward the cloaked crate. Checking my ass one last time, I get up on the crate on all fours, crouching down low enough to spread my cheeks. Then I take a monster hit off the brand new bottle of poppers I happen to have with me. Immediately, I sense someone walking up behind me. He crouches down and places his tongue on my hole. Instinctively, I press back onto his mouth and allow myself to slip into the warmth of his talented mouth. After eating my hole for about five minutes, he stands and moves over to my left, so his crotch is right at the level of my mouth. I turn my head as he unzips his jeans. Big dicks, in their flaccid form, vary quite a bit. Some are growers, not showers, some hang pendulously, while others are just a cocoon of mouth watering temptation. His was the latter. Greedily, I take his soft dick in my mouth and begin massaging it with my tongue. In no time at all he’s skull fucking me, holding my head in place on the crate as he rams his full nine in and out of my mouth. I’m a tad surprised, because, in spite of his length and thickness I am still able to swallow the entire thing with no discomfort (Yay! I guess all that practice does pay off.) He’s really getting off on fucking my throat and there is a little voice inside my head that suddenly fears that he may fill up on the appetizer and skip the main course. But never fear, he eventual disengages my mouth and moves behind me.

Throughout our playtime, he’s been huffing poppers as much as I have. There is something about a top who can stay hard and snort poppers that is such a turn on for me. As he stands behind me now, he’s got the bottle to his nose and I decide to do the same. He pulls me down from the crate, which is a little on the high side and makes me bend over it. I do and manage to push my ass up in the air, which gives the small of my back just the sweetest bend (or at least I hope it does). I ask him to go slow and he does. I’m sucking poppers the entire time until I feel that thing – whatever it is – deep inside me, relax, and that when my insides go all liquid. Dude turns out to be a first class top, dicking me with all sorts of variations on my favorite theme – ram and jam. We alternate who’s doing the work, too. As far as I’m concerned, unless asked not to, fucking back is part of a bottom’s responsibility. I love bouncing my ass back on a dude’s rod with as much intensity as possible before slowing down, tightening my sphincter and languidly milking a dude’s fuck stick with my hole. Nice thing about big dicks? They really give you something to work with!

His dick feels so good in my hole I’m thinking this won’t last long at all. But it does. He puts me on my back and works me that way for about ten minutes. I love looking into his eyes and there actually does seem to be some kind of connection between us, even though neither of us makes a move to kiss or make this a more intimate fuck. I usually don’t push the issue of kissing unless we’ve discussed it specifically before meeting. Some dudes don’t want to lock lips unless they’re in love with you and I respect that. That, however, doesn’t mean we can’t fuck.

TotalTop manages to live up to his name. I’m loving every minute he’s using my hole right up to the moment when he announces that he’s going to cum. Egging him on like a gay porn cheerleader, he plows my hole deep, delivering a hot four-day load. He’s one of those guys who rams up until the moment he starts to shoot and then freezes, allowing the cum to pump it’s way out of his dick head on it’s own accord.. He stays in me until I jerk off my own and then pulls out. I immediately drop to my knees to clean his dick with my mouth, working out the last of his sweet load. We talk. Sweet and somewhat shy, he’s a super nice guy. Discussion centers around his two profiles, how likely it is he’ll be topping again anytime soon, if he’s planning on going to the warehouse party that Friday and this other nine inch dude we both know who used to be a die hard top, but recently has become something of a hard core bottom. I dress, pick-up my stuff and head back to work, reasoning that I can grab a quick shower in the locker room at my gym when I get there. I’m pretty fucking satiated and really would have called it a day… if I hadn’t already made other plans.

There’s this other dude, another TotalTop. I have known(?) him for a number of years. He’s stood me up, blown me off and in general jerked me around like a fucking string puppet for quite awhile now. At one point I was convinced that his profile was a complete con job and that he got off on setting dudes up and standing them up. I even began to think that the dude in the pics on his profile (headless body and dick pics) didn’t actually exist. We fucked once six years ago. It was okay, as I remember, but, at the time, I sensed he wasn’t all that enthused. It was one of those hook ups where it took me forever to get there and the whole affair felt rushed and more about the poppers than the sex. After that, we would chat on line, but I felt he was holding me at arms length. Turns out he has a partner, blah, blah, blah. 

Fast forward four years, I’ve had his profile blocked and been ignoring him as best I could. That’s when I join a new site, which he is already a member of, and he starts hitting on me again. I’m pretty cool towards him, but he really seems interested and so we set up a time to meet. I’m to come into his condo, strip, go into the spare bedroom, get on the bed on all fours, don a blindfold and wait for him. Things are going really well. His dick is a definite nine inches, but it is also super thick, which makes giving head difficult, but certainly not anything I’m not capable of. I swallow him down to the root, stretching my mouth and throat to their absolute limits, and that seems to impress him. He likes getting head, which is good, because that particular day my douching is less than perfect and I have left my kit in the car. I excuse myself, go the bathroom and do the best I can to rectify (cool pun intended) the situation, but to no avail. Once I take getting fucked off the table, he dismisses me and, dejected, I head home without getting any.

So for the next six months, he ignores me, before going on yet another campaign to get me to his place. I finally agree. He’s moved to yet another building (his fourth in the time that I have known him). It’s another case of too little information (in fact, the wrong info – wrong apartment number, wrong floor, etc.), and everything is rush, rush. I finally find his apartment door only to learn he decided I took too long and got another dude to come over and fuck. I’m standing outside his apartment door, knocking, but he won’t come to the door. And… that’s it, right. End of story. I go back home and block him all over again. Enough is enough.

Last month I joined yet another site, and he’s on it (of course he is, we’re both raging sex-aholics, what do you expect?). He hits on me. I decide to give it one more shot, and that shot ends up on the day that I hook up with the dude I just talked about above.

Fortunately, this guy hasn’t moved, and is still in the same building and apartment. Cool. Advantage; me. I know the lay of the land and arrive a half hour early, park in guest parking and sit in my car (last time, I didn’t know about guest parking and spent 40 minutes trying to find on-the-street parking). Another thing? This time I have a new phone – my Droid, which has internet access, so I am in communication with the dude the entire time. I actually see him drive his truck into the parking garage, so I know he’s there. At the agreed upon time, he summons me up to his apartment. He’s left the door unlocked, so I let myself in, strip, and slip into the bathroom to check my ass. When I come out, he’s lying naked on the bed. His cock isn’t hard, but I’m pretty sure I know how to fix that.

Kneeling before him, I take his dick in my mouth and work my magic on it. This guy is one of those tall, super thin, not an ounce of body fat, types. There’s something very blue collar and Midwestern about him. He reminds me of a lot of guys that live a few hours north of St. Cloud. As he’s working the bottle of poppers like it’s a tank of oxygen and he’s on life support, he compliments me on my dick sucking skills, talking frequently and calling me ‘baby’ in this super sexy, masculine, former-smoker’s voice. It makes me work all the harder. I think it’s rare that he finds a cocksucker he’s attracted to and possesses the skills necessary to deep throat him. He’s enjoying the head so much I start to wonder if he’s ever going to get around to fucking my ass.

After twenty minutes of head, he orders me to my feet and tells me to bend over and show him my hole. Taking a huge snort of poppers, he lines up the head of his dick with my hole and fucking drives that huge mother deep in me all in one, massively hard thrust. I’m seeing stars, but he could give a fuck. There is nothing subtle about this dude’s technique. His attack is brutal and straight forward. The whole thing lasts about three minutes and then he deposits his load in my ass. I know that he’s in a hurry for me to get out of there; his partner is on his way home from work, so he pulls out immediately. I turn around, drop to my knees and shove his spent dick in my mouth; hey, I want to get off, too. Just as I’m about to shoot my load, he reminds me to make sure to shoot it on the small area rug we’ve been playing on. He doesn’t want any strange DNA on his carpet. No worries. As soon as I’m finished, I jet to the bathroom, do a quick hole rinse, wash up and start getting dressed. When I come out, he’s dressed in a pair of sweat pants and suddenly in a chatty mood. The conversation is nice – about our animals, how we can’t wait for summer to get here, how sick we both are of the winter… As soon as I’m put back together, I double check to make sure I’m taking with me everything I brought with me and bolt. We have plans to see each other again in two weeks and I’m thinking that’s cool. Having a big dick that wants your ass again? That’s a nice feeling.

My Conclusion:
I’ve come to embrace my inner size queen and think we all should. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s like being offered a two layer cake or a wedding cake – same cake, same frosting. Which would you choose? If you’re being honest with yourself, you will say you would take the wedding cake – hey, more cake for everyone, right? (Not to mention more frosting… so not true). Truthfully, when I eat a meal I want to leave feeling not just satiated, but a tiny bit stuffed. It makes me feel secure, and when I’m feeling secure I sleep much better. And when I get a good night’s sleep? I am a much happier person.

Sure, there are those out there who seek out tiny dicks, but I think their numbers are much smaller (no pun intended) than those preferring big cocks. I just don’t feel there should be any shame any longer in saying, “Hey world… I want more!”

Next week: I take a break from Acquired Tastes and delve into my personal sex stats for the year, which ended on 3/10/11. There will be some eye opening surprises revealed (or not – yeah, I’m a whore, like you didn’t know that already) and perhaps some life changing conclusions made (or not – could a year of celibacy be in the cards?). In any event, it will serve as a kind of state of the union address. Where do I go from here? I think I will probably just keep treading water and work on the Acquired Tastes series for awhile. You know… until spring, when the snow begins to disappear along with most of my clothes and sense of modesty.