(I hear voices in my head.)
Wonderland
Burlesque’s
Turdscooter of the Week:
Scott Walker
Though
it was another week filled with ripe candidates:
Taking
on our education system last week, Mississippi State Representative Gene Alday (GOP)
declared there was no need for school funding because all the “blacks” in his
district receive “welfare crazy checks” and don’t work (but he’s not a racist!).
Carrying
that torch, Virginia’s Representative Dave Brat (GOP) also felt no need to fund
public schools because all those fancy ancient Greek philosophers needed to get
the job done was a rock (really!).
And… in
an effort to keep discrimination in America alive and strong as ever, Arkansas
state Senator Bart Hester (GOP) introduced an emergency bill to undo all LGBT
protections, telling folks, “I do not want for them to have special rights”
(that’s an actual quote!) (say it in a hillbilly accent and it sounds about
right).
Jumping
on that hate-wagon, Alabama Chief Supreme Court Justice Roy Moore continued to embarrass
himself with all his foolishness about how the only laws we need to follow come
from “God” and how allowing gay folks to marry in Alabama is simply the worst
thing to ever happen in that state(ever)(you know, except for that lynching
stuff… maybe).
Keeping
the “God” thing alive, Tennessee State Representative James VanHuss (GOP) introduced
a bill that would add references to “God” and “our Savior” to that state’s
constitution. Of course, this is the
same state where they are considering selecting ‘The Bible’ as the state book
(umm, but which one?).
Given
that…
Given all
that (and Fox News)…
As despicable
as all those other tools are, the biggest, brightest tool in the whole GOP
chest is Wisconsin’s nearly-recalled Governor, Koch Brothers’ sock puppet, and
2016 presidential hopeful, Scott Walker,
who, while being interviewed at Britain’s international affairs think tank, Chatham
House, was asked if he believed in the scientific concept of evolution.
Demurring,
Walker said, “I’m going to punt on that one.”
To
which the host burst out laughing, saying, “Any British politician, right or
left, would laugh at that question and say, ‘Of course evolution is real.’
But not
our Scotty boy… oh, no.
Undaunted,
Scott went on to say that it was a question “that a politician should not be
involved in, one way or another.”
WTF?
So, I’ve
decided I will believe in Scott Walker once the polls are in and enough people
believe in Scott Walker, because that is apparently how Scott Walker decides what
he does or does not believe.
Or…
maybe “God” really is his advisor, for he claims to only run for office when “God”
calls upon him to. Recently he said to a
group of bankers, “Any major decision I’ve made in my life – politics or
otherwise – I’ve tried to discern God’s calling on.”
Hmm.
Listening
to voices in his head, huh?
Are you
sure he’s not simply the creamy peanut butter middle in a Koch Brother’s shit
sandwich? Can you imagine those two soft
tubs of lard squeezing in on you, their hot, moist breath in your ear 24/7?
Yeah…
we all know exactly who Scott Walker is listening to these days: the
conservative, greedy, soulless bastards funding his bid for the White House.
So, let’s
all put our fingers in our ears and listen to our own inner voices (which, when
it comes to Scotty boy, are whispering ‘bullshit artist’), as a means of
saluting Wonderland Burlesque’s Turdscooter of the Week: spineless Scott
Walker.
Scott?
Here’s
a hint: if you want to appear ‘presidential’?
Then answer the damn question.
Skirting simply makes you appear coy and flirtatious.
Which
sorta gives a whole new meaning to that Koch Brother’s shit sandwich, am I
right?
P.S. - You seem to like to point a lot. What is that about?
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