"I never looked into my father's eyes, for fear of finding something of myself..."
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My dad's name is Maynard.
He is 78 years
old.
He is as big as the heart that beats
inside him and all the love that it can hold.
He has no hair
and pale, pale sky blue eyes.
His favorite food is candy, chocolate,
and Little Debbie cakes.
His favorite color is blue.
He likes to go to bed.
For fun he likes to watch cartoons. Favorites include: Peppa Pig, Sponge Bob
Square Pants, Tom and Jerry, Franklin the Turtle, and Max and Ruby. His favorite movie is ‘Happy Feet’.
My favorite thing to do with my dad is sit and/or feed him,
watch cartoons.
I love my dad because he loves me.
At my
lowest point, he accepted me as I am and let me know that he loved me.
Throughout
my life, even though he didn’t ‘like’ me, I know he loved me. I know I was a disappointment to him – not the
son he had wished for, but my older brother was everything he could have hoped
for and more, so the pressure was off.
He never
failed to bail me out, no matter what kind of mess I had managed to make of
things. He kept his distance when I
needed him to and was there when there was no one else. He celebrated me at my best and took care of
me during my worst.
We’ve
been dealing with his Alzheimer’s for the past sixteen years. Five years ago, he began failing, and my
mother was having difficulty caring for him by herself. The house across the street from me had gone
into foreclosure. With the help of my
youngest sister, we purchased it; I rehabbed it with the help of one of my
business partners, and moved them in.
I sit with him as often as needed. I clean their house, mow their lawn, shovel their snow, and make sure my mother gets time away. He’s just at that point where he’s forgetting how to swallow. If we get a smile out of him or he pays attention to his cartoons, then we term that ‘a good day’. We have been told we can expect him to live for two more years.
I sit with him as often as needed. I clean their house, mow their lawn, shovel their snow, and make sure my mother gets time away. He’s just at that point where he’s forgetting how to swallow. If we get a smile out of him or he pays attention to his cartoons, then we term that ‘a good day’. We have been told we can expect him to live for two more years.
If you’re
asking me who my dad was: he loved to hunt and fish. He worked very hard all his life and had an
excellent work ethic. He loved cowboys
and country western music (on occasion he still responds to music). I think he was a kind man, in many ways. He put up with my mother throughout all her ‘difficulties’
and laughed like Popeye.
He once
cried for me, right in front of me, because he was afraid for me. He was
scared, and I knew in that moment that he would do anything to spare me pain. And that is how I know he loves me.
Bonus
Bonus
Who's your daddy?
Who isn’t? I am way too old to be the ‘boy’, but damned
if there aren’t enough dudes out there who want me to do exactly that. Frequently, these men are actually much
younger than me – which is why I firmly believe that being a daddy has more to
do with a kind of energy and attitude than it does age. My favorite thing to do with my daddies? Cuddle.
Are you into daddies?
Yes. There’s very little in the way of men that I
don’t find something to appreciate. Daddies
have that special ability to make me feel safe and cared for. I also like it when they give my ass a smack,
talk dirty to me, or throw me in their sling.
How do you define daddy?
You
want to be the daddy? Okay by me. I can
play that game. Role playing is super
fun, and at my age, a necessity. Defying
reality (and gravity), no problem.
As far
as a ‘true daddy’, I would think they are bald or have salt and pepper or
silver hair/fur. If they are taller than
me (a rarity) that sells the illusion more.
They may be worked-out, muscled, thin and wiry, or have a delicious
perfectly round hard belly. I like them
furry or smooth. A ‘true daddy’ can
either be dominant, an educator, or a cuddler.
I have
been (and have blogged about it). On
occasion, that means I flip fuck them, or it means that I get to utter one of
my all-time favorite commands: “Okay boy, time to fuck daddy.” Physically?
I am not my ideal daddy type.
Literally? I could be.
I fucked a lot of women. And
survived a couple of pregnancy scares (yeah, I wanted babies and would have
married a woman if they were pregnant with my kid). But, to my knowledge, the only ‘kids’ I have
are my three dogs, who are kind enough to allow me to live in their home.
3 comments:
I'm sorry to hear about your dad. These last few weeks, almost 2 months now, my mom has been more confused and not really communicating and she fades. It'd not alzheimers but it may be the cancer has moved to her brain or she is just too weaken. This was not one of the things we expected or prepared for when we learned she had lung cancer 2 years ago. Her breathing is pretty good, she doesn't cough or need oxygen.
The first time I was called daddy it took all I could to stop from laughing and falling out of him and the bed. He was about 43 to my 37 and it was so unexpected. To me, daddy types are over 40, very masculine, have furry bods and gray or graying hair. It like the physical type but don't get into the daddy/son dynamic.
My dad died shortly after his 90th b'day. He pampered my sister, bullied me (verbally), and beat my brother and I both. After I left home at 18, I talked to him only if I had to. In his mid- to late-seventies, he changed for some reason. Ever so slowly, we began to speak on a semi-regular basis. When he lay in the hospital dying, he asked for his grandsons and my brother. I flew in for his funeral to support my mom and sister.
Never had any guy call me daddy; never had the urge to call anyone else daddy.
Truly, I am moved! What a wonderful tribute to your Dad... and an indelible mark he's left in this world through you! I am learning you have a brilliant heart, how fortunate are those who know you.
I lost my Dad in Junior High, to an industrial mishap... He was such an alluring Man! (Youngest of 7 here -need I say more?) I think I favor him in many ways, and most certainly inherited his libido!!!
I've always had a Daddy Complex... perhaps much due to Father/Son love lost. I've been referred to as "Papi" once or twice... didn't much care for it! Now close to 50, I gravitate towards my own age -and equally well-preserved! LOL
Terrific post!!! ;{>
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