11 Sex Questions for Men that have Sex with Men

11 Sex Questions for Men that have Sex with Men

I found this poll at Buzzfeed: https://www.buzzfeed.com/benhenry/sex-questions-for-gay-men

On the site, Buzzfeed was looking for one-note answers so they could create stats. Go there to participate. For my blog, I have turned it into more of an essay questionnaire.

The poll’s focus appears to be on gay fucking only. As if that was the only thing two gay men could do together, sexually? Well, I am going to give the folks at Buzzfeed the benefit of the doubt and assume they know better, but, yes, for this poll, they are/were only interested in penis in ass sex.

Here are my answers. Feel free to leave yours in the comments section or copy the questions to your blog, answer them and then post a link in the comment section for this post.

Enjoy.

1/ Would you identify yourself as more Top or Bottom?

More of a bottom, these days.

When I first came out, I was a hard core top. When I say that, what do I mean? I had a very fixed idea about what it meant to be male and I was one of those bozos walking around saying things like, ‘Oh, no… my butt hole is an outtie, not an innie.’ And, ‘Oh, no… nobody touches my hole.’ Naive, stupid stuff like that. Chalk it up to my small town upbringing and in light of the fact that, when I was young, the message that I received about being gay was: being gay is the worst thing that you could possibly be. Shame, shame, shame… And it was those guys taking it up the butt that gave gay men a bad name. This was reinforced by my church, my Mother, my teachers, and all the crappy-ass white boys I grew up with.

So I slept with women. Which meant being a top. Which then bled over to gay sex once I came out of the closet in 1987. Because being the one doing the penetrating was something I knew how to do. And, maybe I was good at it?

Fast forward three years, I’m secretly living with this guy and we have mad sex frequently. One day we’re fucking in the living room and he flips me and sticks his dick in me. And tada! His magic wand opened up a whole new world for this homo. I spent the next ten years telling myself I was all top, but guys just kept slipping it in my bum hole. And then I turned a certain age and a switch got flipped. I think this happened right about a time that my love affair with poppers began.

My learning curve about how to be a good bottom was steep and I tackled it like I do any project - I was all in. I practiced, practiced, practiced. And, eventually, I mastered it. I think douching was the biggest hurdle for me - to get over the ick factor and learn the ins and outs (oh, that is a pun, hon) took time. Nobody I talked to about it wanted or would talk about it. The only piece of advice I got from another bottom was - don’t eat popcorn. ?? There was, however, a really great video on Xtube (?) that gave me some pointers and eventually I found my way.

But the top in me never died. Also, there have been times when I simply got drafted and did what was needed for the good of the team. And then…

Enter generic Viagra. And now?

…oh, yeah… you get with me? It could go either way.

2/ If you could do only one for the rest of your life, which would you choose? Top or Bottom?

I love bottoming so much. There is no finer feeling than swinging on the end of some stud’s dick.

But, if I could top the way I used to back in 1988? Sans viagra and with the same amount of energy and stamina? I would top.

Plus… there is that whole supposed ‘need’ in the community (more on that later). And I tend to like to be of service.

Also, I would get to be choosy. And see a lot more action.

Maybe?

3/ Who do you think has to put in the most effort during sex? Top or Bottom?

In the best of circumstances, effort should be the same for both.

Nothing worst than a lazy bottom. I know some tops get off on that, demanding that their bottom ‘lie still’. The moment those words come out of a top’s mouth, I know exactly how the whole scene needs to be played. The bottom should comply, but slip up occasionally, so that the top needs to remind the bottom what his place is. The other code word for this scenario is ‘shut the fuck up’. Yeah, you pull that shit on me, I am gonna tease it like a motherfucking hair-hopper, blurting out all sorts of oooops… did that come out of my mouth? Did I just call you a total asshole?

Remind me, motherfucker. Put me in my place.

Ultimately, one complies because that’s what gets the top off, but one also must wonder… are we missing out on something here?

As a top, I like to be challenged by my bottom. I do like wrestling for control. Up to a point. It should be fun… not rapey scary. So keep your claws in, girl.

The best case scenario? We bang like a well-oiled machine. The top plows forward, the bottom fucks back. Like a jointed piston.

Choo choo! Oh, I know we can-can. Yes, we can-can.

4/ What do you think is the best basic sex position for bottoming? Doggy, Missionary, Cowboy, or Spoon ?

They all have their merits, depending on the circumstances.

Short on time or doing it outdoors? Doggy. Easy access, quick composure.

Walk-in scene? Doggy. Azz up, bitch.

Making Luuuurve, sweet lurrrrve? Missionary and Spoon. I love me some spoon. It is a slow grind and, honey, you can take your time. And Missionary? I enjoy looking in his eyes as he’s driving his point home.  

Big Dick/Small Hole? Cowboy, baby. Slide down that pole in your own sweet time. Never fear!

5/ Would you date someone who is the same sexual position as you (example: a bottom dating a bottom)?

Who dates?

I have been on a couple of dates. Ick. You spend all evening wondering - are they into you? Are you gonna get some? Who should I pretend to be now? Does he LIKE me?

Ugh. Fuck that.

That is the stuff of hetero rom-coms and I get it. Sometimes it is fun to do stuff like that. Isn’t it romantic? No. Not typically.

When you gonna serve the buffet?

Yes, I would rather walk in and get staight to business. Mama got bills to pay and that lurve stuff just get in the way. You wanna show me love? Then cum, bitch.

And, ummm, naw. I am not purposely hooking up with another dude who is a hardcore bottom. Flip/flopper? Sure. At least I get a little. And I do love giving as good as I get. But hooking up with a hardcore bottom with nothing else on the table? No thank you, next…

6/ Would you say you are more dominant or submissive during sex?

Even when I am being submissive I am still a little dominant. Yeah, you alpha male types, you go on and believe that lie you tell yourself and others… that you are all about total control? But this bitch know the truth.

Thing is… dom/sub scenes require imagination to work. That whole saying about the brain being the biggest sex organ? It true.

You dumb as a bag of rocks and got no game (imagination)? Then guess who gonna have to bring all the joy? Yeah, this bitch.

.

Even when the dom does have some kind of game plan in mind, if I’m not holding up my end of the conversation then the whole scene is going die a slow death.

So, you can pump yourself full of alpha male bullshit all you like and buy into the whole dom/sub thing, but those of us who have been doing this awhile?

We know the real score.

7/ Would you say you are more kinky, vanilla or somewhere in between?

Kinky.

I like me some spice.

I am always saying, surprise me.

My fave thing is to meet some sweet, innocent-looking thing and discover he loves to have his arm pits licked and stretch holes until they’re rosebuds. Or that he loves to fuck dudes raw in the handicap stall at McDonalds and then piss in their mouth after he shoots his load. Golden arches, indeed!

At this point, I am so kinky that I consider vanilla sex a kink.

I would list all my kinks, but it is actually shorter to say what I am not into:

Blood, scat, excessive pain, excessive props, cross-dressers, pnp, anything that leaves bruises, marks or scars, excessive raunch... there are probably more.

8/ Do you like dirty talk during sex?

Fuck yeah. I know sometimes it feels rote. Like bad porn dialogue? But, harkening back to that whole imagination thing, words have power and they can up the sexual ante real fast.

Call me names. I love it. The more degrading the better. But keep it fresh. You keep pushing that one button over and over again? That button gonna yield less and less results.

And call my hole all sorts of names, too.

Which brings me to a somewhat delicate question (a great name for a series of posts? - A Somewhat Delicate Question). Because there are aspects of sex that I ponder - is this over the line? Where is the line? What is inappropriate?

Oh, my delicate question?

Where do you all stand on the term: Cunt. Or having your hole called a pussy?

Turn on? Turn off? Sexist bullshit? Fun role play terms? Inappropriate always?

Me? Coming out the right mouth, under the right circumstances? Fucking hot.

But I might be all fucked up about this, too. I could use some learnin’. So, enlighten me. Leave your opinion in the comments section. I am all ears.

9/ How do you feel about other people’s cum during sex?

Angry. As in, why isn’t it on me/in me yet?

I love cum. I love body fluids. I am not shy. Your load is one of the greatest gifts you have to give others… give generously.

(Especially to the elderly…)

You know what amazes me? Guys who act like their load is something that they want to save… ummm, why? There’s always more where that came from. So, what is the big deal?

Nothing more frustrating than working on a dick at the prairie for a good 20 minutes, only to have the dude walk away without giving up his nut. Part of me always feels it’s my fault. As in, I wasn’t good enough. Or I am not attractive enough to warrant his ejaculation. Or he’s saving it up for someone better…

And part of me recognizes the behavior for what it is… if I give it to you, then I have to stop playing and I might miss out on someone…

I recognize it, because I have played that game, too.

Does that make me a hypocrite? Probably. I own it.

10/ Have you ever watched straight white porn while masturbating.

Yes. In my early days… the horrid early 80’s. Alexander Ferris had a porn palace on Lake Street. I would go in and watch the fuck flicks on the big screen. I was naive and did not realize that everyone around me was pulling their pud. So I would store up the images of those gigantic screen cocks piercing those furry love holes, run back to my place, hop in the shower and re-imagine all that I had witnessed while fucking my soaped up hand. I drained my hot water heater a lot.

By doing this, I maintained that I was possibly heterosexual. Yeah, that didn’t last long. I was buying mens nudie mags at that same porn palace within a year, hiding them in the attic.

I did develop a thing for an actress named Vanessa Del Rio. She reminded me of Lainie Kazan and seemed motherly and nurturing while also behaving like a total slut. She was full-figured and had huge titties. She also seemed to love licking her own nipples while getting fucked - something I noticed because it happened in every scene she was in.

I bet she has an interesting story. Also… she did a lot of scenes with The Hedgehog (Ron Jeremy). I was not into him. But she made those scenes work big time.

Since that time? No. Straight porn does nothing for me. Hell, sometimes gay porn does nothing for me.

I mean, why view, when you can do?

11/ Do you believe the rumor that there are way more bottoms than there are tops?

Rumor?

More like fact.

I think it’s an age thing.

As we age, we are more likely to lose faith in our ability to get it up, or the quality of our hard-ons are just not what they used to be. Hey, it happens. So, while we may start out as a top, we drift over to become a bottom, because switching teams is better than not playing the game at all, am I right?

Of course there are older tops. Good for them. And there may be a few of them who don’t use things like Viagra or similar things to get it up. But their numbers are less than they would like us to believe.

For me, Viagra is a game changer. I love it. I take it just to show off my dick at the prairie. I love the confidence, the control, the sense of power, and the fact that my dick is hard the way it used to be in my twenties.

Plus, I can top with confidence again. If my dick goes limp and I’m on Viagra? Ummm, you done something wrong, my dear. Something really wrong.

But back to that whole ‘more bottoms’ thing. I know there are more bottoms out there because as a bottom I see and feel the competition. And, yes, it is a competition. A lot of tops are so specific about what they want: furry, hairy, natural, smooth, shaved, transgender, feminine, masculine, subservient, bi, poly, fluid, tight, loose, ruined, young, etc.

Terminology overload! It’s a lot to deal with. And a lot of competition.

Or maybe I’m being paranoid? I know that as I grow older my insecurities tend to flare up like hemorrhoids.  

Thankfully, it’s not like fucking is the only thing on the menu.

Yes, there are times when only a dick in the hole will do. But, I have just as much fun being an exhibitionist for others. Or sucking a dick. Or watching others fuck outdoors. Or coming over to your house to do your laundry so I can get off on your dirty underwear…  

Yes, so many ways of baking our cookie.

Yes, we can-can. Yes, we can-can…

The Pointer Sisters : Yes We Can Can

The Eurythmics - Missionary Man