Aww, You Made Me Cry...

Two weeks ago, I started up my blog again.

It feels nice to be back, doing this. I really enjoy it and I hope others are getting a little joy out of it, too.

Looking back, November 3rd of 2013 would seem to be about the time that things changed drastically here at Wonderland Burlesque. That’s when the blog ceased to be devoted to gay sex and my own sexual experiences and moved into more of a political/musical direction.

TMI Questions (cribbed from a really wonderful blogger, remember him, whatever became of him - he’s erased his presence) continued, as did Friday Fun, but anything of a personal nature began to center on my developing relationship with my current boyfriend and not sexual encounters. Turdscooter of the Week became a regular thing, along with the occasional political rant.

By September of 2014, TMI Questions had run their course and in October of that year, my thumb drives, which contained all of my writing, were destroyed when they got run over by cars in the middle of an on-ramp (yeah, stupid story). That seemed another turning point. The blog became less political as Turdscooter of the Week made a slow exit and more about music, with Friday Fun remaining its sole sexual content .

In late February of 2015, as some of you may recall, Blogger threatened to close down all adult-oriented sites. In a panic, I began trying to clean up Wonderland, deleting explicit pictures and posts. However, it soon became apparent to me that with out that adult-content, I really didn’t have much of a blog. Fortunately, for all of us, Blogger reversed course and my purge of Wonderland ceased. But the damage had been done and I had no way of replacing the posts I’d deleted because the thumb drives they were stored on had been destroyed.

Then in October of 2015, Wonderland went dark. I was emotionally spent. The culmination of the loss of my Dad and two of my dogs and the stress and anxiety of adjusting to a new life while constantly having to defend and justify my choices and the loss of longtime friends had taken their toll.

Fast forward, four and half years later, and here we are; muddling about in the midst of a pandemic, working from home.

I don’t know what exactly prompted me to take up the blog again. I’m certainly not bored. I don’t really have additional time on my hands. But I do think the isolation made me want to reach out. I’m not much of a people person - I have those I care take and am compassionate - but I do like communication.

I like chatting with guys on Grndr. And at the prairie. And, since the boyfriend and I decided to have an open relationship about two years ago, I enjoy hooking up with strangers for the odd one-off. But the pandemic has changed all that.

Also, I missed writing. Really, really missed writing. Why I stopped remains a puzzle. Because of this blog, I found the fortitude to write and finish my first novel. I was so proud of it. People read and liked it. I found an editor and we began working on polishing it up. And that led to me writing half of a second novel, which, unfortunately was lost with the destruction of my thumb drives, along with all my research and materials related to the first novel.

I knew it was writing this blog that gave me the discipline to write those novels. Yes, I lost heart when I lost my thumb drives. And looking back, that probably played a huge part in my lack of enthusiasm to continue to write. I was bereft. Grieving.

You know, it’s strange, writing this all out.

I have spent the past few years truly avoiding examining my own timeline, concentrating on living in the moment. That lack of self-examination isn’t like me. I have always prided myself on being a bit more self-aware than the average person. But that hasn’t been true for awhile now. And even though I rather loathe posting these more personal posts (I mean, come on, we all come here for the dicks and asses and the fuck stories, am I right?), I do feel that my writing this blog is a sort of return to myself. I don’t share this blog with the people in my life. My ex-husband/business partner, my boyfriend, my closest sister - none of them have ever read it or are very much aware of its existence.

So, in a way, this is truly mine, and mine alone.

Except it’s not.

Which brings me to the real reason that I am writing this post. And if you slogged through all the above dribble, then, good for you, aren’t you glad I am finally getting to the point?

You made me fucking cry.

Real tears.

Okay, what am I talking about?

I was on the stats page, when I noticed the link you click on to moderate any comments made by others. I didn’t realize you had to do that. I had been writing a few posts, maybe six, before I discovered it.

I must confess, I was a little disheartened that there were no comments, but wrote it off as due to my long absence. I mean, there had never been a lot of comments, but none?

Was I just throwing things out into the void? (Well, yes, but… there used to be others out here with me.)

So I clicked on the link and low and behold, there were some comments, from people who used to always comment and be very kind to me. People like:

Mistress Maddie of the long running, always entertaining A Day with The Mistress Borghese (who I would happily tie down in order to toss her salad).

 
BlkJack of BlkJack, a supportive, sexy soul whom I have missed

SickoRicko from SickoRicko'sCrap... which is anything but crap, is a lot of sexy fun, and he’s a great guy

Plus:

Hot guys with his blog Hot guys

Mark Greene from THE MALE CASTING COUCH

Jack who created Just Jack

Anyway, I was truly touched. I appreciate the sense of community, the support. I have missed it. In kind, I am doing my best to read blogs again and leave comments. Though I worry that I comment too much, but… hey, I mean well. 

So, thank you for your comments.

Recently, I have been going through the list of blogs I follow. So many met a fate similar to Wonderland Burlesque… abandoned properties. Or worse, deleted altogether. I get it. Life happens. People move on…

…but sometimes come back.

It is my intention that once we move beyond this whole ‘stay at home’ thing that I will continue to blog. It’s good for me. Feels right. And I promise to keep posts like this to a minimum. (blah, blah, blah)

After all, I know its the dicks and asses that keep y’all coming back for more. (Tune in tomorrow for that!)

My best to all of you…

- Uptonking of Wonderland Burlesque

 

Message in a Bottle - The Police