Morning (Routine) Becomes Electra

Morning (Routine) Becomes Electra

I love routine. I like a well worn groove. Stuck in a rut? Oh, yeah… sign me up.

It may have something to do with my chaotic childhood. As a child, the only thing I could count on was that mother was going to be angry. How it manifested itself? Anybody’s guess. That scene where Faye Dunaway screams about the wire hangers? People laughed.

I didn’t.

At my house? That was called Saturday morning.

We lived in a very small town. All five of us kids did everything we could to keep what was happening at home under wraps. We were over-achievers, for the most part, signing up for anything that would get us out of the house and away from our mother.

As a young adult, I pretty much kept the drama that was my mama alive. If there wasn’t conflict, if I wasn’t in pain, if I wasn’t getting away with murder, then I simply wasn’t living up to my potential.

Being in theatre didn’t help. I now see Tennessee Williams’ plays for what they are: Southern Gothic Melodramas, featuring characters akin to those found in ‘Hush, Hush Sweet Charlotte’ and ‘Who’s Afraid of Baby Jane’. And don’t get me started on Eugene O’Neill or William Inge or Paul Zindel. I love them all for what they are, but back in the day, I thought that was the stuff of life.

I was stuck in late adolescence/early adulthood until I was 36 years old. For me, 1996 was a year of rebirth, of rebuilding. That’s when I began to seek out stability. That’s when I started to use some common sense.

And that’s when I learned that routine equals predictable, safe outcomes and ease.

Take my morning routine. It rarely varies, and when it does, I feel out of sorts… a bit lost. If I want to feel vital, I know all I need do is pick up that familiar thread and I will be on my way. Frequently I find myself singing that song from the stop motion animation classic, Santa Claus Is Coming To Town… “Put one foot in front of the other, and soon you’ll be walking out the door…” to myself in the mirror as I shave.

Morning routine:

• Buzz head, abdomen, shoulders, arms and lower back with electric razor: 10-15 minutes
• Trim beard and sideburns with a different electric razor. 5 minutes
• Buzz mid and upper back with a different electric razor. 5 minutes
• Shave face, neck and back of neck. Shave pubes, balls and taint. Shave ass. 10-20 minutes
• Brush teeth. Floss. Gargle with antiseptic mouthwash. 10 minutes
• Shower. 5 minutes (I am efficient in the shower)
• Towel dry. 5 minutes
• Moisturize face. Powder ass. 5 minutes

The whole thing takes about an hour, which why I get up at 3:30 am.

This routine then extends to my wardrobe. I believe in uniforms. So I have a Monday, Tuesday, etc. work outfit all lined up. They are the same dress shirts and pants week after week, until such time as I determine that a certain shirt has been washed to the point where it is no longer suitable for work, at which time it is replaced. Same with the pants, though fashion also dictates when pants need to be replaced. I watch what the new kids wear to work and try to incorporate as much of their style as my age allows. Fortunately, I’ve remained slim, so I can pretty much wear anything.

Pretty sad, in a way; my reliance on routine. But it gives me peace of mind and a sense of structure that I longed for most of my life. My love of routine extends to my work hours, what I do at the office, when I go to work out, who I see after work and in what order (I have some elderly folks I check on), when I play piano, when I read, etc. Certain things happen once a month (Happy Hour with my work wife). Certain thing are seasonal (every Friday I am at the prairie during summer).

It keeps me happy.

Am I inflexible? No. I love travelling. And, in light of recent events, turns out I love working from home. It was a mere matter of days before I was able to take portions of my routine and adapt them to my new situation (turns out I love working in my underwear).

What about you? What’s your routine like? Any time saving tips when it comes to morning regimens? Leave them in the comment section. I’d love to hear from you.

Have a great day. I know I will…

…because it’s time to start my morning routine.

Nigel Olsson - A Little Bit of Soap

Put One Foot In Front of the Other  

From Santa Claus Is Coming to Town