21 First Date Questions… That Aren’t Lame AF

21 First Date Questions… That Aren’t Lame AF

Found this at A Modern Gay’s Guide:

https://www.amoderngaysguide.com/21-first-date-questions-that-arent-lame-af/

I don't date. 

The few that I have been on in my lifetime left a bad taste in my mouth (no, no… not that taste). In all cases, I spent the entire evening doing something I really didn't want to do, all the while trying to figure out why they asked me out, who they thought I was, and who they wanted me to be.  

Me? All I really wanted to know was... are we going to fuck or not?  

No. Dating it something that happens in rom-coms. And I... I am no Renee Zellweger.

That said. I love on-line dating. It’s as it should be. Everything should be up front. Everything should be on the table. Expectations on both sides understood. 

And I love hooking up even more. So, you could say I am more of a 20-45 minute 'date' kinda guy.

But, here we are... with 21 first date questions. Wow. Ask all these and your date will think you're a reporter for the NYTimes.

So, answer away. Share them in the comments section, or post them on your blog and then share a link in the comments section.

1. What’s something that comes easier to you than it does for most?

Writing songs.

I don't really understand why that is, but its been that way since I was twelve. I have an ear. I can also listen to a song (repeatedly), walk over to the piano and within 20 minutes have an arrangement worked out (nothing fancy). But songwriting... I just get it. I know how to construct a song. Lyrics. Melody. Chords. They can come together pretty fast - or, if I need to, I can construct it like it's something one makes with Legos. There's a science to it. And no, I can't really explain it to you. But it's not magic. I have been studying music, in my own way, since I was very young. 

That said. I don't share my music much. I have a couple of demos recorded, but I use other vocalists. I lack motivation. Other than the boyfriend, it is rare that anyone hears anything I’m working on.

  

2. Do you like your job? What’s the biggest work perk?

I do. For the most part. I was sort of born to be of service to others, so my job makes sense for me. I mean, I really wanted to be so many other things. But I've made my peace with where I'm at. It's a paycheck - a nice one. And that money allows me to live comfortably and generously while planning for retirement.

Also, I can call my own hours, for the most part. I like early mornings - less people to deal with. Plus, I have responsibilities in the late afternoon that require my attention. So it works well for me. If I want time off? I typically have no trouble taking it. I enjoy the lack of stress.

3. Are you a morning or a night person?

Morning. For the last 11 years.  I typically get up at 3:30 am. I love my first cup of coffee so much. I watch an hour of news while I sip. Then I spend 25-45 minutes in the bathroom doing my daily routine. Then hop in the car and get to work by 5:00 or 5:30 am. 

Back in my theater days, I was a total night owl. I don’t miss it. Except when visiting someone and I get too tired too early. Or when I go to a concert or a club and can’t stay awake.

4. Who do you live with?

It's complicated. I live alone. In a basement apartment. My someday soon-to-be ex-husband (S2BX) lives upstairs. We get along well. He's an intricate part of my family. Our financial relationship is such that divorcing at this time would be detrimental (especially for me). So I view him as my brother.

On Fridays, at 4:00 pm, I go stay with my boyfriend (who lives in a house owned by my property company, on the same street, six blocks away) for the weekend until 5:00 pm on Sunday, when I return to my basement. 

I also live with Hercules (shared with my S2BX). My final dog. When Hercules is gone, my days of pet ownership are through. Or, that would be true, if the boyfriend didn't have five cats. 

Yeah.

Five cats.

5. Are you close to your family?

Yes. My mother lives across the street. We moved my parents across the street when my Dad began exhibiting obvious symptoms of Alzheimer's. 

Growing up, my mother was a nightmare. My father, absent. We have a ton of history, because I was the family witness. I was there for it all. I saw it all. Everything that went between them. Every minor human tragedy. And all the big ones, too. It's all acid-burned on my brain like an etch-a-sketch that no matter how hard I shake it, it will not be erased. 

Centuries later, my mother is a sweet old lady who chuckles a lot, can’t be trusted with a bottle of wine, and loves Jesus. She’s a sweetie.

I am extremely close to my youngest sister. She thinks I'm great. I don't know why. 

She is great. Smart. Successful. She fixes things with money.

I am somewhat close to my other younger sister. I feel judged by her. She's also the kindest, sweetest person I know. 

My two older siblings. We're estranged. During those infrequent occasions when they grace us with their presence, I tolerate them, for the sake of my mother (and no longer refer to my brother as ‘dead’ because it upsets her). But I can't forgive them. They're selfish. And, as always, they left me holding the bag.

Still holding that bag…

6. What’s the worst job you’ve ever had?

This was hard. To choose just one. So many horrible work situations. So many horrible, inept, cruel, clueless, selfish bosses. Over the years, I have grown weary and contemptible of those who use the work place to vent their psychoses.

I worked at a hospital once, for their foundation. The physician I was hired by left a week after I started (big red flag), so I had to report to this woman named Sonya.

Sonya is the type of woman who wanted to be homecoming queen, but the best she could manage was becoming president of The Future Homemakers of America. She’s self-conscience about her weight, and that is where a lot of insecurities stem from. Her hair is worn in the same style she sported in her Senior High School portrait. She’s angry at the world and it manifests itself by her being petty, controlling and horribly passive aggressive. She doesn’t take criticism - at all. The consummate Caucasian Lutheran Church Lady, one should never get on her wrong side; she will freeze you out and then go behind your back to sabotage you. I take comfort in knowing that her children will grow up to hate her.

7. Where’s the coolest place you’ve ever been?

This was hard. To choose just one. 

But I am going with hiking along the ancient aqueduct system in Honolulu. It was pure Indiana Jones time, pure adrenaline, pure water... the most amazing tiny water falls. I was so proud of myself.

8. Do you have any bad habits?

I have a low frustration level and an even shorter fuse. I am not pleasant to be around. 

I like to eat at my desk. 

I am lazy. I procrastinate. I tend to do the bare minimum. I frequently dial-it-in.

I lie. When it's for a good cause. Or because I don't want to get in trouble. Or because I want it to be true. 

I am terribly critical when it comes to acting, theater productions, singing, songwriting, and writing. I have strong opinions backed up with a degree of experience and knowledge. I tend to share these opinions with such conviction that I will ruin an experience for myself and the person I am with. 

I am one of those people who point out the rules to others (while breaking them myself). 

I swear. A lot. Loudly. 

I forgive, but I never forget.

I am always sorry.

I will try to bluff my way through something without having done enough prep work. This is particularly true of anything related to technology. I don’t read manuals.

I frequently start a conversation in the middle and expect whomever I am talking to, to know what I mean. My boyfriend is really good at picking up the thread and figuring it out, which is one of the reasons he's my boyfriend. He also calls me on it all the time. 

I don't look at my phone. I never answer my phone. And I rarely talk on my phone. I rarely give my number out.

I don't tell people where I am going to be. 

I over-share.

I naval gaze and am self-indulgent.

I have a lot of bad habits.

Who the fuck doesn't?

9. Do you have any first date horror stories?

An architect asked me out. 

I had no money, so I suggested I make him dinner. He arrived. It was July. I still had a tiny, shabby xmas tree in my bedroom, which, when I showed it to him, I babbled on about it like I was playing a tragic heroine in a Tennessee Williams production (Laura, blow out your candles, Laura...). All the while slow, plodding, haunting piano barre music crackled on an ancient turntable. I made fish. Served dinner. And as we were about to dig in, I said something like... I hoped we could be more than just friends. The dude shot straight up out of his chair and bolted for the door. 

I don't blame him. 

Never serve fish on a first date.

10. Do you know your Myers-Briggs type?

I have taken this twice - for two separate companies. 

I = Introvert - People exhaust me, drain me. But I am also a high functioning introvert, so people tend to think I am an extrovert. Fact is,I like nothing more than retreating to my basement apartment, shutting the door and shutting out the world. 

N=Intuitive - I am lazy. I synthesize what I know of the world and come to conclusions. I like the big picture. I like decisions being made.

T=Thinking - I would have thought of myself as someone who 'feels', but I think years of theater, dissecting emotional responses and then replicating them... rather drained all the blood out of it. I love logic. Again, synthesizing/analyzing what I know as fact and then moving to a conclusion... that's my modus operendi. 

J=Judging Well, it's all of one in the same, isn't it? I move to a conclusion (judge) after digesting what is known and analyzing those facts. 

I think it's bullshit.

I find the questions leading, badly constructed, and rather tedious, downright boring. As for the 'science' or whatever it is they claim is behind this? It's rubbish.

11. What are your pet peeves?

Men who don't trim their fingernails.

Men who don't trim their ear hair or nose hairs or eyebrows.

Mouse cords and electrical cords.

Pet owners who shouldn't be pet owners

Parents who shouldn't be parents

Children

Church Ladies

People who are inconsiderate

People who live un-examined lives

Rude, dismissive people

Passive-Aggressive people

Un-evolved people

Ignorant people who choose to remain so

Well... people.

12. What’s your silliest fear?

Zombie Apocalypse, Return of the Nazis, and a pandemic. (Oh, wait a minute…)

That's why I live in a basement. I am consonantly assessing the amount of food I have on hand, trying to determine how long I could live off of it, if I had to. 

I keep thinking I am going to die in a car crash.

I keep thinking one day I am going to be speeding along on the freeway and there will be a lone kitten standing in the middle of my lane. 

13. What city would you most like to live?

Berlin.

I even know the neighborhood.

I have to tell you, there is a gay neighborhood in Berlin filled with older gay men and they aren’t sad... they were cherished and celebrated. I went to three different gay bars there, and found that to be the case. So, I want to live there. There was also a drag queen theatre. Not a bar. A theatre. Nothing but queens. Granted, I was not there long enough to get a real firm sense, but my intuition tells me that hood is pretty special. 

14. If every job paid the same, what job would you do?

I would stock shelves at a Dollar Store. Or I would be a janitor. I like making things look nice. I like cleaning, straightening, arranging and vacuuming. 

15. What’s the most unbelievable thing that’s ever happened to you?

I am still alive.

16. How did you meet your best friend?

I've had so many besties. And lost them. For a variety of reasons... I can't help but feel like people can only put up with my shit for only so long.

I used to meet them in choir or theater. Theater friends were the worst. I had one for 20 years. And I had one for 30 years. Out of the blue, they both dropped me like I'd just taken a dump in the middle of their dining room tables. And I am still messed up about it, but... what you gonna do? 

I actually consider my youngest sister to be my best friend. She's my person. My rock. My touchstone. I know so much about her no one else knows. And she... she knows a little bit about me. (Oh, honey, there are so many things here I am taking to the grave...) 

But I would say the same of my S2BX-husband, and my boyfriend. (I pray they never, all three, get together and try to piece me together.)

However, I am going to go with my work wife.

She's my work wife, I am her work husband. At one point people actually thought we were married. We have been together for 12 years and only spent one of those years not talking to one another (even though we continued to work with each other). I call her 'kid' and I think of her as my daughter in some ways and as my girlfriend in other ways.

It's weird, but it works because we both like to have a good time and we both like to laugh. I love it when I inadvertently say something that causes her to do a spit take or laugh until she cries. When she's not crabby, she's a lot of fun to be around. When she is crabby, I just go sit in a corner. 

We met at a project meeting, and sat across the conference table from one another. Ten minutes into the meeting, a woman who was terrible at her job, but great at getting other people to do her work for her, went off on this terribly inappropriate, self-indulgent tangent, painting herself as this martyr. I shot my future work wife a look and (she told me later) that was all it took. She knew right there and then we were destined to be great friends. 

And so we are...

17. Do you have any tattoos? What do they mean?

No. And I never will. 

My S2BX-Husband has two sleeves worth - it took years and years to complete. I went with him for his first tattoo. I watched for about 15 minutes, excused myself and never went back in. I was so nauseated. The art work ended up gorgeous - entwining orchids - vivid, beautiful. But I just can't see the sense of marking up my body that way. I work so hard not to draw attention to it at all. I also work too hard for my money.

I'd rather buy a wig (I don't own any wigs - but I really would LIKE to own a wig). 

18. Sweet tooth or savoury tooth?

Savoury. 

Sweets make me nauseated. I hate frosting. But I like cake. I like a tiny bit of dark chocolate with or without nuts. I think I ate too many candy bars and drank too much soda as a teen. I can't stand either now. Sweets? No thank you.

I love spice. But it's spice that has to be a part of the dish. I shake my head when I see people pouring a bottle of hot sauce on their food. I mean, what the hell? Why not just drink the hot sauce and skip the food altogether?

Not a fan of salt. Or oils. Deep fry - ick. Except french fries. But no salt. 

19. Ask them to give you two “truths” and a lie. Then try to guess which one is a lie.

No. 

Lame.

20. What is something you wish you did more of in your life and something you wish you did less of?

I wish I could drink more. 

I wish I would drink less. 

This is only a recent development. I rarely drank from 1997 to 2013. Special occasions only. And then limited to one. 

But that all changed when I met the boyfriend. He didn't drink at all. So I introduced him to it. We simply enjoy it. I limit myself to two (sometimes three) and only drink on Friday and Saturday evenings.

On a more serious note:

I wish I volunteered and donated more. 

I wish I would age less. 

21. Can I get you another drink?

Of course, darling. You're buying, right? (This is my favorite question!). 

Boodles gin martini, up, side of ice, olives (not stuffed). 

-or-

Beefeater gin, a martini glass filled with large cubes, grapefruit fizzy water (LaCroix, Belle Vie, whatever). Leave the can, (and the bottle) and keep the ice coming.

Gin has to be ice cold, or don't bother... 

And don't bother to call me for a second date.

I never answer my phone. 

First Date - Blink-182