21 Questions for Gay Men

21 Questions for Gay Men

1. Is a weird ‘sex face/orgasm face’ a total deal breaker?

2. Do you enjoy having your balls played with?

3. Do you enjoy having your hole played with?

4. After you cum, do you let the other person keep playing with your dick or are you too sensitive?

5. Have you ever hooked up with somebody based on their proximity to your iPhone    (Grndr, etc.)?

6. Preference: Eating ass or having your ass eaten?

7. Preference: A blow job or a fuck?

8. What would you do if your partner cheated on you?

9. Do you sext / have chat sex?

10. Kink or vanilla?

11. Who’s in charge, the top or the bottom?

12. Do flamboyant gays give normal “str8 acting” dudes a bad rep?

13. Is there a sexual fetish that turns you off?

14. Describe your first kiss.

15. Have you ever been to a sex party, bathhouse, or participated in a 3 (or more) way?

16. Would you ever make a sex vid?

17. Do you have a gag reflex?

18. Have you ever cried over/had your heart broken by another guy?

19. What is your longest romantic/sexual relationship?

20. Do you have a ‘type’?

21. If you could go out to dinner with any personality/celebrity, who would it be?

Found this on-line, written by Madison Moore at thoughtcatalog.com. It was titled ‘21 Questions for Gay Dudes’. I thought the title and the quiz inaccurate and dated, so I changed it a tiny bit. Granted, this was written in 2010, but even so, I was a bit take aback. I would have expected something a little more evolved.

What do I mean?

Well, I had to eliminate/rewrite/substitute a few of the questions, as they were actually rather offensive or made no sense. Example: ‘Would you hook up with a non-white?’ OMG. I have so many problems with that question: 1/ It presumes the person answering the question is white. 2/ Use of the term ‘non-white’ feels absolutely icky gross. 3/ The question feels insensitive, stigmatizing and and objectifying, and 4/ Really? This is a question? Even in 2010? It strikes me as unenlightened and terribly naive. I would hope we have all evolved a bit more, dears.

I’m going to give the writer the benefit of the doubt and assume 1/ She was trying to be edgy/funny (and failed) and 2/ She has evolved, grown, and moved on.

So, here are my answers. Feel free, if the spirit moves you, to leave a few of your own in the comment section.  

1. Is a weird ‘sex face/orgasm face’ a total deal breaker?

Absolutely not. The weirder, the better. It’s an absolute turn on. I am more put off by people with ‘poker faces’. You know, the kind of guy who gives no indication whether he came or not? I like a bloke with a goofy/pained/screwed up mug when he nuts. Means I’ve done my job.

2. Do you enjoy having your balls played with?

Yes. Up to a point. I have to be rather careful these days - I think older guys generally do. I had a bit of an accident while trying to quickly slide on a chrome cock ring three or four summers ago. Results: (sorry, this is rather gross) my cum came out green/grey (mixed with blood) and my right testicle blew up to the size of a grapefruit. It took months to fix itself. Learned my lesson. Couldn’t wear a cock ring for a year and a half and am still very cautious - nothing tight.

I love my balls licked while I jerk off. And, pre-accident, I was experimenting with very, very light CBT/stretching. But no more. So, nothing remotely mean or violent.

But, yeah, lick ‘em, bitch.

3. Do you enjoy having your hole played with?

Oh, yes. I never used to. Used to shy away from it. Sort of disowned my hole for many, many years. Now, I just love it. Finger me. I finger me. Slip two, then three in there… yeah. Lots of lube, of course. And my bum has to be clean, first.

And since this whole lockdown thing, I have been experimenting with a dildo. There’s a learning curve, but I think I know what I’m doing. Had to Google it. Love it. But, I really do miss the real thing. Can’t wait.

4. After you cum, do you let the other person keep playing with your dick or are you too sensitive?

Depends. I have found that when I am on Viagra, then play on. I stay hard and my dick likes to be worked, even after I have shot my load (which I am in total control over - thank you modern medicine and my sex-positive physician). I tend to want to continue playing.

But when I’m not, it is much more sensitive, more likely to go limp right after cumming and, quite frankly, after I cum, I’m done. I lose interest. Selfish? Maybe. Inconsiderate? Naw. More likely a matter of age.

5. Have you ever hooked up with somebody based on their proximity to your iPhone (Grndr, etc.)?

Well, yeah. That’s the whole point of GPS, right? I love a convenient meal. Back in the days of Craigslist and internet sites, I would find myself driving forever to meet someone. Now, pop on my phone, and there ‘s a dude a block and half a way that wants a blow job in my car. Cool.

I am all about efficiency.

6. Preference: Eating ass or having your ass eaten?

Both. I like to give as good as I get. I love eating ass. And I love having my ass eaten, provided the guy doing it knows what he’s doing. And there’s a bottle of poppers handy.

7. Preference: A blow job or a fuck?

I can go either way. Typically, I like to suck a dude hard before he fucks me. Sort of a nice way of getting acquainted with the cock that’s about to go up your arse. Unless it’s one of those ass up/on all fours/walk-in scenarios. Then, he can just go directly to poundtown, if he likes. Of course, I would prefer a bit of a warm up back there first. A bit of tongue play? A finger or two?

8. What would you do if your partner cheated on you?

Ask why I wasn’t invited.

If nothing else, I think I should get to watch.

9. Do you sext / have chat sex?

Well, this has become more of a thing since the whole Covid 19 affair began. I am more than happy to help someone get off. And I can always tell that is the end game. The other day I was cleaning my bathroom while texting all sorts of filth to some young cutie in need.

It’s important that we all play our part during these difficult times.

10. Kink or vanilla?

Kink. Lots and lots of kink. Go ahead. Shock me.

I may not choose to march in your parade, but I will support your right to march and stand on the sidelines cheering you on.

11. Who’s in charge, the top or the bottom?

The only correct answer: Me

Oh, it may not be obvious to anyone watching or to the dude I’m playing with, but… yeah. Me.

12. Do flamboyant gays give normal “str8 acting” dudes a bad rep?

Okay, I find this question a tad offensive, but I will allow it. I hate the whole ‘str8 acting’ thing. What a bloody farce. I mean, what are you, an actor? To be intimate/have sex you have to act? Such bullshit.

If anything, I find it’s those insecure ‘str8 acting’ dudes that are the ones giving gay men a bad rep. There’s a lot of shame attached to that particular term. Get over it, Helen.

Of what value is such a stance? It implies to that to act gay is to be feminine and therefore ‘less than’. And that is utter bullshit. If you have sex with men? You are acting gay. Fuck your fragile male ego and antiquated sense of what it means to be masculine. I know drag queens who have taken care of friends dying of AIDS that I consider much more manly than some silly boy posing and hiding behind a label that means nothing.  

That said, if it’s just a role play thing. Then I get it. But, really… wouldn’t you rather play coach/athlete or barber/customer?

But if you take that shit seriously? Fuck off.

13. Is there a sexual fetish that turns you off?

Scat. Those toilet seat things. (sorry, feltcherpisser). Excessive pain. Blood. Marks. Excessive raunch. Anything that involves too many props.

Not only are they places I won’t go, but I don’t enjoy watching them either.

Also, cross dressing men, I must confess, not my thing. Food with sex, meh.

I believe we all have a right to do whatever gets us off (as long as it’s legal or should be). And I don’t judge. But there are things that simply do not light my fire.

14. Describe your first kiss.

Female: (a non-stage kiss), On my 18th birthday. A party at my apartment. We had all been out drinking and came back to my place to chill. There were like over a dozen people. I was sitting on my couch, next to an actress a few years my senior, whom I had played opposite (college: Taming of the Shrew, Hedda Gabler). Out of the blue, she reached over, grabbed my face and proceeded to give me the wickedest, wildest french kiss. It went on for quite a while, and we had an audience. After she was done, she looked at me as if to say, ‘There, popped that cherry, huh?’

So began my life as a sort of bi-sexual. It was never anything I was committed to being, but I wouldn’t redefine myself until I was 27.

Male: I was 17. He was 36. Beautiful Italian actor on tour, performed at my college. He was from New York. We had a six month affair. I was smitten. But terrified and naive and a bit of a basket case. It ended badly. My bad. But that kiss… that’s the stuff of love. It was like melting into a pool and losing yourself, but gaining everything.

15. Have you ever been to a sex party, bathhouse, or participated in a 3 (or more) way?

Yes, yes, yes, and yes.

What is this? The 8th grade?

16. Would you ever make a sex vid?

Have.

And no, you can’t see it.

It’s still being edited. Or at least that’s what he told me…

17. Do you have a gag reflex?

Everybody does. Can I manipulate my way around it? Of course. Grade school stuff.

But there are those skull fuckers out there who want/need you to gag and excessively drool and make your eyes water in order to for them to get off.

So, you have play to your audience.

18. Have you ever cried over/had your heart broken by another guy?

Oh, yes.

Betrayal is the worst.

Rejection stings, but only when it is undefined.

And indifference, well… that’s like being left out in the cold, isn’t it? It takes a while, but eventually you catch on. All that frost bite has a way of calling attention to itself.

19. What is your longest romantic/sexual relationship?

20 years. Don’t really share much about it. Seven years later, he’s still a major player in my life and I love him, but can’t be with him.

20. Do you have a ‘type’?

Yes, the type that says ‘yes’.

Actually, no. It depends on the person. I have some preferences, I suppose. Types I objectify, but nothing happens unless I appreciate them as a person. Not that it goes that deep - when it goes deep. Anon walk-ins? I have to establish a trust level, which is why blackout rooms are not my thing. I need to be able to read the situation and that means looking in their eyes.

Physically, I am very open. I have had lovely sex with obese men. I have had terrible, chew my arm off to escape sex with absolutely stunning gods. I like real men. And those tend to come in all shapes and sizes. As long as their hygiene meets a certain standard and there’s a connection? I’m good to go.

21. If you could go out to dinner with any personality/celebrity, who would it be?

This was one of those odd questions Madison put in here that I decided to keep.

I have a list. Janis Ian. Bruce Roberts. Melissa Manchester. Carole Bayer Sager. Kathy Griffin. Kathleen Madigan.

Leonard Cohen used to be on this list. So did David Bowie. And Peter Allen.

Kristine W used to be on this list. Then I met her. I love her music, but I am not her cup of tea.

Of those that remain:

Janis Ian. I think we would have a lovely time. I met her. She is gracious and smart. I admire her songwriting skills. I admire her life achievements. She possesses a depth that I have been intrigued by since I was thirteen.

Bruce Roberts. One of my favorite songwriters. I have a feeling I would bore him. He would view the lunch as something perfunctory. New York boys can be such a pique. Hopefully the food and service would be good.

Melissa Manchester. Could go either way. She could be a hoot and we would laugh and dish. Or she could find my questions a bit too critical, too close to the bone and be put off. I would hope for the earth mother/bohemian to appear. But she could be all business, too.

Carole Bayer Sager. I have no idea. Hopefully she would not be shy as a violet. But I do have a feeling she would keep things close to her chest throughout.

And Kathy? Would she just phone it in? Or bring her genuine self? No matter. I adore her.

And Kathleen? We’d both get so drunk we wouldn’t remember whether we had a good time or not.

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Leave your answers in the comments section. Or blog them on your blog and leave a link!

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