Sunday Diva/Three From The Hip: Mary J. Blige

Sunday Diva/Three From The Hip:

Mary J. Blige

In my own personal big gay church, there is a wing dedicated to what can only be described as...The True Divas. These are ones that may do many things in life, but from the moment they opened their mouths to sing they became the one thing they were meant to become: a true diva.

One such slice of fabulousness?

Mary J. Blige.

She came on like the girl down the block with beats so fat and sassy we had no choice but to dance.

Her tough girl act? A bit much.

But that was merely her cocoon. 

For she emerged one hell of a butterfly - finding her true diva voice in the process, while spreading her wings and her special brand of fierceness over the whole planet.

Her beauty? More than skin deep.

The lady had seen it, lived it and served it all up for those stuck in similar circumstances.

She knew real love. She earned it. She worked for it.

And she's had our devotion since beat one.

For there's a wisdom to her sound; a knowing. And that's the reason we keep listening.

Because she keeps learning, she keeps evolving, she keeps teaching...

And, therefore, we keep learning, too.

The gospel according to her?

Well, here are three from the hip, dropping from her lips.

The topic: How To Become A Beautiful Black Woman

"Really, every woman is an example to me, because as women we go through so much pain. We have to live this perfect life when we are messed up inside. We all go through trials and tribulations."

"There's so many things that life is, and no matter how many breakthroughs, trials will exist and we're going to get through it. Just be strong."

"I think women should band together to get us more respect in all the businesses that we're in because, you know, if we turn 40, we're nothing and nobody. We all should band together and just say we're not gonna go down like that."

"I remember a time when all my fans were crying and sad and going through hell. Now, we're trying to uplift each other and accept ourselves for who we are, even if nobody else does."

"Music makes us want to live. You don't know how many times people have told me that they'd been down and depressed and just wanted to die. But then a special song caught their ear and that helped give them renewed strength. That's the power music has. I started speaking about what I was dealing with through my music, and 4 million women responded and said, 'Us too, Mary.' And I didn't know that everyone was hurting like I was hurting. I had no idea."

"People know what they see but they don't know what's happening inside. If you want to know who you are and how you feel about yourself, take a look at your environment."

"I used to think I was ugly. I thought I looked like a camel. A person who doesn't love themselves, they will see anything that pops up on their face. I've seen squirrels, I've seen a bird, and I've seen all kinds of animals on my face. But that is the result of self-hate. I've learned to say: 'You know what? I am a beautiful black woman'."

"I hated myself for so many reasons, and I thought so many things were my fault that happened to me growing up."

"I felt ashamed about everything. Me dropping out of high school, me not, you know, just not being beautiful enough. I just didn't feel like I was smart enough or beautiful enough, you know, for years."

"When you come from so many damaged places you don't ever want to spiral back there, so you gotta continue to check yourself."

"I didn't know how to show my self love, and I didn't want anyone else to hurt me. So my tough girl attitude was like, 'I'm not having it.'"

"I like hanging out with me, and I've accepted everything about me good, bad whatever it is. That's why I'm able to, that's why no one can tell me anything negative about myself."

"Everything is scary if you look at it. So you just got to live. There are people out there who want to provoke me and bring back the old Mary but I'm not giving them the satisfaction. So many people are like, 'I'm perfect.' I'm so imperfect; that's why I'm able to let everything out and let people see everything. 'Cause I'm just a mess like every other person that's a mess out there."

"The younger Mary J. Blige, I would call her, she was very unaware, ignorant."

"I suffered from self hatred so much. It's like I didn't want to look like that any more. I didn't to feel like that any more. It had to be another way."

"I cannot save the world; that's not what I'm trying to do. I guess I'm just trying to walk the walk and be an example to those that want it. Not everybody does, but if Mary J. Blige can come out of that same hole you were in, then you can do it, too - that's my goal: to do that without saying it, but actually live it."

"When someone comes up to me and says, 'Mary, you helped save my marriage', or, 'Mary, you helped me get out of this abusive relationship', I'm in it, really in their lives. And I'm so passionate about my feelings, but also about showing people the way through theirs."

"So as long as I'm a human being and I'm not perfect, I'm able to say I'm having some growing pains. Because in order to sustain where you are once you made such a breakthrough that everyone is looking at you, now everyone is like, 'Ooh, is she gonna make a mistake?' Yes, I'm going to make a mistake. Yes, I'm still gonna do things."

"I believe there should be no more drama, but it's everywhere you go. It's just about how you get out. You've gotta bob and weave because it's everywhere. How do I keep the drama low? It's about using your head."

"If we didn't have understanding of our journey, we wouldn't be able to go on. We'd be stuck, like, 'Why me?'"

Real Love - Mary J. Blige

Family Affair - Mary J. Blige

Good Morning Gorgeous - Mary J. Blige

"In the inner city, there's a mentality that the government owes you something. My breakthrough came when I stopped feeling sorry for myself and took responsibility for every part of my life. No more pity parties. I've gotta love me more than anybody else loves me."

"One day I realized that I wasn't getting anywhere by blaming other people for my circumstances. I finally understood: Even if you feel someone has wronged you or owes you something, no one is going to give you anything for free."

"I care about me now. When I didn't care about me, I was, like, 'Why is this going wrong? Why is my life so bad?' But when you don't care about yourself, nobody else is going to care about you. So I learned to love myself, even if nobody else does."