Sunday Diva/Three From The Hip: Phyllis Diller

Sunday Diva/Three From The Hip

Phyllis Diller

In my own personal big gay church, there is a wing dedicated to the Ladies Of Comedy. Theses are the gals who made us laugh and, on occasion, brought a tear to our eyes. They are visionaries, capturing aspects of the human condition while holding up a mirror to the world. Their characters, style, and phrases have helped form our daily vernacular in ways we are not even always aware of - but that is the power of comedy and the magic these ladies all possess. Among them?

Phyllis Diller

Talk about a groundbreaker! This lady was out there doing material unlike any before her. 

First off, she wrote most of her own stuff. Secondly, she harpooned the sanctity of a trio of sacred cows: marriage, motherhood and the myth of domestic bliss. 

As if that wasn't enough, throughout her career, she experimented with her costuming, lampooning current fashions and fads. 

And her signature laugh? One of a kind. 

She was welcomed into our living rooms week after week, eventually getting her own sitcom which ran for 30 episodes.

The grace with which she lived and the kindness shown to her fans, truly to be admired.

She never stopped working and she never stopped making us laugh.

The gospel according to her?

Well, her are three from the hip, dropping from her lips.

The topics? Housework, Motherhood, and Growing Old.

"Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?" 

" Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing." 

" I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing." 

"I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard."

"The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron."

"My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor."

"Best way to get rid of kitchen odors? Eat out."

"Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children."

"Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going."

"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up."
 
"I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them."

"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home."
 

"Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight."

"Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves."

"You know you're old if your walker has an airbag."

"You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type."

"You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot."

Phyllis Diller on The Jim Nabors Show

Phyllis Diller on The Liberace Show

Phyllis Diller on The Dean Martin Show

And one last parting shot...

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

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