Wonderland Burlesque's Head Scratchers Quiz

Wonderland Burlesque's 

Head Scratchers Quiz

In this world there are simply those things I, for one, will never understand.

Yes, there exist things over which I find myself throwing up my hands, where I surrender and say, 'Nope, don't get it.'

Maybe it's not for me.

Or... maybe it's not only me!

And that's what's at the heart of today's quiz; we're going to take a look at those things which make us ask ourselves: 'What's up with that?'

And... 'Is it only me, or...?'

It's quite simple: a list of topics - I've capped it at eight - all you do is provide that thing that has you puzzled or vexed. Go ahead and vent a bit... 

You know I will.

1/ Food

It's an easy target, but I feel like poking at it a bit: fast food. 

Why are people still eating this crap? 

Every once in a great while, I will catch sight of a fast food commercial on the telly. The food is so revolting. Three greasy, thick burger patties stacked on top of each other smothered in grilled onions, dripping melted cheese and condiments. Who can shove that in their craw? 

The other day, there was one for chicken and I'm like, that's not really the color of it, is it? And look at that texture? Why would anyone want to put that in their mouth? It look like Legos idea of what fried chicken looks like. 

So... the industry's not to blame. They put it right out there - pictured as is. The food is disgusting - as unsightly as it is unhealthy and yet... billions sup it up without a thought. That's one huge disconnect in this world. 

We all know: there are better things to eat. Tastier things. Things our bodies need. But so many of us seem drawn by the allure of fast food. 

I don't get it.

2/ Music

A bit late to complain about this, but... why do people buy the music of people who behave so terribly? 

I don't see the value of 6ix9ine, the late Lil Peep, Lil Xan or the late XxxTentacion. Their music is unlistenable, as far as I'm concerned. As, for Juice Wrld - he was the best of the bunch, musically and I must admit he had my ear for a bit.  

But it's the behaviors of all these Emo/SoundCloud rappers are what truly make me cringe. 

Yet, many have been on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine and all have held the #1 spot on various charts. 

The stuff they sing about - with the exception of Juice Wrld? It's garbage. Repulsive, self-aggrandizing, pity party bullshit. 

What's really sad? It's who kept buying their crappy music.

All you white, privileged suburban boys? You need to spend your money on something better and stop feeling sorry for yourselves. You have nothing to complain about. "But we're alienated and from broken families..." 

So, fucking what? Everybody's got issues. Everybody's got baggage. Grow the F up and learn to deal.

I don't know, maybe this mopey, mumble rap is not meant for me... and I know I'm just as self-indulgent as the next dude, but I don't see the value of this stuff at all. It's encouraging a kind of victimology I can't support.

3/ Movies/Television

Cringe humor. I laugh... sometimes. But, more often than not, I pause and ask myself - ...is ...is that really funny? It's that situational comedy where what's taking place is socially awkward or painful. Inside, you cringe, but you also find yourself laughing.

Is it out of a need for relief? Do you laugh because its so uncomfortable your body doesn't know how else to respond? 

I'm re-watching an old Starz sitcom, Party Down, featuring Jane Lynch, Ken Marino, and Adam Scott. Marino is sort of the king of cringe comedy. The man is so earnest, so unflappable in his portrayal of fools; he's like a car accident waiting to happen. Not a comedic one, either. No, the kind where flesh is cleaved from bone and bones are crushed. It frequently hurts to watch. 

But, I do. As do millions of others. Paul Rudd also routinely traffics in this type of humor. 

Now, the type of humor I am referring to is of a social/psychological/behavioral brand. I'm not talking about stupid physical stuff, like overweight people crushing furniture or people doing physical harm to themselves, others or animals. I don't find any of that funny. 

But ever since Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm gave us all permission to embrace and laugh at horribly selfish, myopic, rude people making terrible choices, cringe humor has sort of ruled the day. 

I just finished watching Hulu's aptly named Difficult People. It's a cringe humor lovefest. I ended up disliking myself even more for watching it. And watch it, I did. I was compelled. I enjoyed living vicariously through these two clueless terrible people. I laughed as much as I cringed. 

So... I don't get why I am drawn to this type of humor. Nor do I understand why the general population finds humor in what can only be described as extreme discomfort. 

I'm sure there are tons of grad student theses expounding on the what and the why's of this brand of humor. It feels like something that should be clinically dissected and that we will all look back upon and wonder... what was that about? 

I don't have an answer. Do you?

4/ Art

Installation art. 

Does some of this strike any of you as... lazy?

But let me put a pin in that because... it's not. These are not lazy people. These are people who apply for and have enough moxie and drive to receive art grants and that, my friends, is no easy feat. 

Unless it is. Given that everyone now has a laptop... maybe it is easier these days. Back when I was applying for theatre grants? Competition was fierce and the application process harrowing. 

But then, keep in mind that I am, at heart, a very lazy person, so... maybe I don't know what I'm talking about (*gasp*) or am not remembering things correctly. 

In any event, these people get these grants so they can live in warehouse spaces that become future trendy lofts while they come up with and execute the concept for their 'art.' 

That said. Last time I went to the Walker Art Center, here in beautiful, culturally vibrant Minneapolis, Minnesota, I remember walking into one incredibly large, white, well-lit space, There were what I can only describe as paint drippings from the ceiling to the floor. These, based on literature conveniently provided on a plexiglass stand by the artist and in the words of the artist, represented the gravity of time spreading various social maleficence across the plane of mankind's existence.  Then, on the floor, there were these large stickers that formed a path winding in and out of the exhibit. It was the path we all travel, no matter who or what we are. And then, suspended from the ceiling there were a series of 'string sculptures' representing the very physical manifestations of the combination of the gravity of time, the various social maleficence, and the path we all tread. This is our world. This is our life...

I kept looking around wondering where the cameras were, for I felt like either I'd accidentally became part of a Wood Allen film or someone was playing a prank on us all. 

As I trod that path I kept thinking... 'I could have done this. I could have done that.' 

But part of me wondered if I had balls to actually complete an art grant application - as this artist had, indeed, and try and sell them some made up social/psyche line of crap like this artist. 

And then, at the end, was a little bucket of what I thought, at first glance was red paint, and... who knows what it was, but it was to represent the blood of ages and all that it has cost the world in order to maintain this path and status quo. Each visitor was then invited to select a needle from this bulletin board of tiny silver pins and prick their finger and throw the needle into the bucket, thus sealing each and every person's participation in this process. 

I declined. I like my fingers. And my blood. 

As I walked away, I was handed a survey, asking me various question about the exhibit. I looked at the poor person given this thankless task as if they were mad and scurried out into a hallway bathed in white light. 

Once outside, I paused and told myself, with a great deal of confidence...

'I could do that.' 

But I'd feel guilty using up all that space and electricity. Also, I might feel a degree of shame in light of the art school pretentions  I'd have to put on display, not to mention the shoddy workmanship and general lack of substance. 

Well, I thought, at least it's an installation piece. I mean, it's not like they're going to be putting it on a postcard and selling it in the gift shop.

And then I got to the gift shop...

5/ Books

I can understand an author wanting to extend their legacy. 

I can understand a book publisher wanting to continue to enjoy bestsellers written by an author with a proven track record and a built-in audience.

I can understand a writer with no prospects of being published themselves, believing that if they accept a job writing for someone else, maybe their work will improve and, now having some real contacts, they stand a better chance of actually having something published under their own name.

But I can't understand an author allowing his name to be used as a brand while a greedy publisher hires writers they would never publish otherwise to write novels using the author's name in order to enrich themselves. 

That's not art. 

That's product. That's commerce. 

And, granted, it's not like these authors are of a caliber where they were held in great esteem anyway. At best, they got lucky once and a book they wrote sold enough copies to become a movie. And, at worst, they were hacks from day one. So, no great loss - it's not like anyone is writing as Hemmingway or Emily Dickenson. 

But the sheer volume of these books, the way they are sold, the fact that the masses continue to gobble them up so they have something to read on the plane... it irks me. 

And I don't get it. Why do they buy these things. I have sampled a few. They are garbage. They can't even tell a decent story. 

But because it has a bestselling novelists name on the cover, people assume - even if they know exactly what it is they are buying - that it qualifies a quality reading. 

I shake my head at the publisher... how dumb do they think we are?

And the public answers... 

Very.

6/ Fashion

Bucket Hats. 

Clue to the world... nobody looks good in a bucket hat. I don't care if you are Jack Johnson or John Mayer or J.J. Walker... nobody looks good in a bucket hat. Not even Bob Denver. 

So, stop it. Knock it off. Don't make those anymore. And, for heaven's sake, stop buying them. And, hey - I'm serious, here - don't wear them. Ever.

Go ahead, put one on and take a look in the mirror.

Yeah.

Nobody wants to fuck that.

Have some self respect and wear a damn ball cap, you poser.

7/ Celebrities

I don't understand how someone can be famous for being famous. How does that work. Or, more importantly, why does that work? 

For me, to be famous you must actually contribute something. You must check one of the following boxes - music, art, sports, speaking, writing, acting, dancing... something. Just taking selfies of your sculpted fake ass self? Oh, no, honey. That's not a talent. That's garbage. That's social media sewage. 

So, how did we get here? 

Paris Hilton. 

Oh, and I just googled this topic and guess what? In mid-June of 2022, apparently Jennifer Aniston - who acts, she is an actress - go watch Cake - go raked over the coals for calling out celebrities who are famous for doing nothing like... Paris Hilton. 

Really? And social media is all like... people who live in glass houses, Jennifer Aniston. 

Which makes no sense, because... Jennifer Aniston is an actress and that is why she is famous. Hilton ended up in a couple of terrible movies and having a Top 40 hit only because she was famous. There is a big difference. Look at those bodies of work, people. One is serious. One is... well, a real head scratcher. 

So, while I have an understanding of the concept, I do not understand why it continues to propagate and populate our collective media consciousness. 

If I remember correctly, Paris Hilton is so 1990-something ago. 

Andy Cohen and Bravo television are partially to blame, though, they would argue they are a symptom and not the cause. They are merely providing an eager market with what it is asking for.

My personal theory is... because people all secretively and not-so-secretively wish they, too, could be famous - because they have such a thirst, but no actual talent or ability or desire to achieve it honorably, they cheer on and help create people who are famous for nothing.

Because if it could happen to that person? 

Why it could happen to them.

And that's what's at the heart of this whole craze. 

Did I say craze? Because a craze burns itself out. This?

I don't see an expiration date. It's like some self-perpetuating energy machine, replicating and evolving. 

How does it end? Will there be a day when everyone is famous? 

I don't know. 

8/ Social Interactions

Passive aggressive people who claim people who are blunt are physically intimidating. 

This has happened to me. On more than one occasion. 

If I err on the one side of this equation - it's that I'm aggressively honest. To say I have strong opinions is a little like saying the internet is something that is popular with teens.

You know the biggest misstep an aggressively honest person can do? Tell a passive aggressive person that they are passive aggressive. 

They? They don't like that. They don't want to own their shit. That is part of what being passive aggressive is all about - not having to own your own shit. They think it is socially acceptable to gaslight other people rather than share their own truth. 

So, what do I not get about this?

That they keep getting away with it. 

I feel very strongly that they should not.

Aggressively so. 

Hmm. Do you think this may be why 'people skills' is the number one item on my development list year after year?

"Yes, Mr. King. We're detecting a pattern..."

All the while, Mr. King is sitting across that conference room table detecting bullshit.

--- ---

And that's enough of me.

Aren't you glad I capped it at eight? You see, I know myself and, as you can see, I can go on a bit - like a toy boat made of popsicle sticks and powered by a rubber band and a couple of paper clips.

Okay, your turn. Leave your answers in the comments section. You know I love to learn a bit more about you each week. I must say... you always surprise me a bit.

Until next time...

Thanks for reading... and participating!

I Don't Know - Vivian Green

I Don't Know - Erika