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Friday, April 16, 2021

Friday Fun: Happy National Bean Counter Day!

Friday Fun: 
Happy National Bean Counter Day!

Yes, a holiday for everything! Today we salute those often overlooked, sexily-nebbish bookkeeper types. (Let's hope they salute back.)

I don't know about you, but a good accountant always puts the goodwill on my balance sheet. And what makes all that bookishness extra sexy? Why the right pair of glasses, of course. (Coupled with a big, big pencil!)

So, let's explore our opportunities - here is a parade of possible candidates. 

Oh, how I long to have one of them move my assets around. I fear, after all this time, my assets have become entrenched and lost much of their value. Gee, I hope at least one of them will appreciate my depreciation!

Now, I must caution you... should they start talk of liquidizing your assets, watch out! Unless you're into that sort of thing!  Then be sure to play it smart and demand a big golden umbrella!

So... is this what they mean by the trickle down theory?

Which brings to mind the question: Stocks and bonds? Or stocks and bondage? Some folks enjoy having their assets tied up nice and tight, while others prefer to play the market. What kind of player are you?

Oh, I remember one such lad. Compound interest. Compound interest. Compound interest. Over and over again. But, know what? With goods like that? That man is welcome to compound whatever and whenever he likes. (Simply ask that he go easy on the headboard. Especially if you just had your hair done!) 

All that shop talk about markets rising and falling, rising and falling... certainly puts me in the mood, be it bull or bear. 

But, as we all know... the real fun is in the  rebalancing, paired with a nice fixed rate. (Oh, yes, that one, there! Daddy, like.)

Then it's just a matter of waiting while your value ratio goes up and up. Doesn't everybody love a big pay day? Talk about your executive compensation! All those options. But, play it safe. Make sure you have an umbrella fund in place, just in case. You know how things can take a downward turn if one's economy isn't healthy. 

That said... know what your dealing with, dears. Get those terms right up front. No hidden fees. Know what each of you is bringing to the table. Insist on a well-defined contribution table. (Although, come to think of it, any surface will do.)

As for the big picture? The long term? Keep in mind what it is you want out of this investment. 

Sometimes going short-term pays out the biggest dividends. 

And who knows? Should you meet the right accountant maybe you could squirrel away a little nest egg? Or build a cozy tax shelter for two? Imagine the perfect merger followed by a nice off-shore account! The Bahamas! Always an excellent choice. 

No matter your choice, when it comes time to retire from the field, know that one of the wisest investments you can make is to have yourself a great accountant. 

They're so good when it comes to digits, figures and bottom lines. 

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Have a lovely weekend, dears.
Better days ahead. 
Warmer days ahead. 
- uptonking from Wonderland Burlesque

Opportunities (Let's Make Lots Of Money) 
- The Pet Shop Boys

It's Money That Matters - Randy Newman


Bob said...

Looks like all of those accountants can at least count to 21.

Xersex said...

Very nice men and dicks

Jimmy said...

Visually impaired guys with "big, big pencils" is my new dream.

whkattk said...

Well done, Upton! I always did love the clean-cut, nerdy, preppy type.

anne marie in philly said...

I have an accountant, but I wouldn't fuck him for anything. he does not push my luv buttons.

SickoRicko said...

You are so wonderfully creative with your stories.

Sixpence Notthewiser said...

Ohhhh two of my favorite things: the Pet Shop Boys and men in glasses with their dicks out! Yum!
That first photo, though... yes!