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Tuesday, April 13, 2021

Ten Great First Date Questions

Ten Great First Date Questions

I took a look at all my drafts that have been piling up: posts I'd started and, for one reason or another abandoned. Looking for something light today, so I'm going with this one. The questions are random and familiar - maybe we've covered them in the past, but I thought it worth a look. 

I am surprised by the title. I once went on a first date, asked such questions and was asked if I was doing a cross examination. Anyway... here is the quiz with it's original intro. Enjoy!

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I was looking about for a quiz, when I came upon this little number... from our 'friends' at Compatible Partners - eHarmony's dating site for gays and lesbians. Turns out that Compatible Partners has an emphasis on matching up the over 40 crowd! Now, I know I just featured a quiz from their parent site a while back, but there was enough here that caught my interest and makes me think these questions will also capture yours. 

There were originally fifteen questions, but five of them we've answered in previous quizzes, which is how this got whittled down to ten.

Let's dive, shall we? And see what we can discover about ourselves.

1. Who has been the biggest influence in your life?

This is hard to answer because in my lifetime I've been so many different people. It's only been since 1997 that I am what I am today. So, I guess that is the beginning of me and in that case I would have to say... My Someday Soon To Be Ex Husband. 

We've been business partners for 25 years. We were a couple for 18. Or marriage lasted 3 months. He's a bit much to take, best taken in small doses. And while his energy level and non-stop talking has become too much for me to bear, there is so much he's taught me over the years. 

He grounded me. And gave me a sense of responsibility. He also allowed me to still pursue my passions - sometimes complaining the whole way, but... indulge me, he did. He even had fun along the way.

He's a people person, a good guy. People love him. Well, people who don't live with him do. He is charming and has the gift of gab, a natural salesperson. And so much drive and energy. 

To be honest? I think he simply exhausted me. 

I still cherish him. He's a sweet man. And I am going to keep the promise I made on the day I married him... I will be there the moment he chooses to leave this world. I still love him and consider him part of my family, as does my family. 

I'm no longer careless with people. I don't toss them aside once they no longer suit my purposes. He's a keeper. And he's mine. Mine to care for. 

And he will need someone. He has terrible blind spots... finances being one of them. Terrible with money. In fact, money is the the reason I had to leave him. See, I'd given him control of mine and that... was a very costly mistake on my part. Eighteen years later I came to realize what he was doing and my world, which already had one wheel flying off, hit the dirt and flipped over. It took me a full four years and, a lot of sacrifice, to make things right and we are finally making great progress. 

That's why I now believe that if one wants a relationship to last - money should always be kept separate. And conversations about how it is used must take place on a regular basis. 

Still... he remains the biggest influence on my life. He forced me to think differently. He taught me about people and responsibility. I'm smarter for having him in my life and I will always be grateful for the lessons learned.

And I will always love him.

2. What kinds of things really make you laugh?

The ridiculous. But not the forced kind. Kristen Wiig is the queen of ridiculous, but it's forced and while I find her amusing, her stuff has a shelf life. 

I adore the kind of ridiculous which happens naturally when people are un-self-aware.

An example: Sixpence shared this video of these two queens with their country estate. Going on and on about wallpaper, hand-dyed sheets and puttering in the garden. So ripe for parody. 

So, I guess my answer would be people so passionate about something they are  unaware of how ridiculous they're behaving. 

The films of Christopher Guest spring to mind. Waiting For Guffman, A Mighty Wind, Best In Show, et. al. They're so well done and so spot on. They're all about people lost in their passion, so lost, they lose track of reality and end up coming off as ridiculous.

Back in the days when I was still doing theatre, in retrospect, I could have easily been the subject of one of his films - I was that unaware. That ridiculous. All my little dramas. My precious peccadilloes. 

On this side of things? I think of myself back then and chuckle under my breath. Shaking my head... shaking my head.

3. Who is your best friend? What do you like about him/her?

Best friend is now The Boyfriend. Seven years down the road we have had hardly a ruffle. Three major arguments (he only remembers two) and to be honest, the time we broke up for two days? I can't remember exactly what that was over. 

I love him. Always will.

We simply 'get' one another. I guess I have mentioned this here a number of times now, so I won't go on long. 

We don't have to try with one another. We simply are. We make each other laugh and have enough in common that spending time together is what it should be... enjoyable. We deal with issues pragmatically and support one another emotionally. 

There's an awareness about him. He recognizes all the tender spots and respects the ones best left undisturbed. We're both done with being hurt and hurting. 

I adore his kindness. His passions. His tender soul. I see the child he was, the child he carries inside - in need of acceptance and love and a kind of protection. The child in him speaks to the one that lives in me. 

And so we build our fort, our treehouse. Keeping one eye on the horizon and one on each other.

Our value systems align. We keep it simple and encourage the best in each other.

He's my forever friend. Until the end.

4. Favorite movie of all time? Why so?

Well, normally I would give you a list. But, no. That's not the question. 

I adore Dickens. And I would say Great Expectations (the 1946 classic), but no... I will go with A Christamas Carol starring Allastair Sim. It's a story of redemption - second chances and a telling look at the rather grim realities surrounding the nature of mankind.
5. What is your favorite way to spend a Saturday?

If I had my druthers, it would be summer and the morning would be spent drinking coffee and writing. The mid-morning would be spent doing a light clean up of the house. The afternoon would be spent at the prairie, wearing as little clothing as possible. Dusk would be spent cooking up something healthy and fresh in the kitchen after a nice, hot shower. The evening would be spent sitting with The Boyfriend watching a movie that makes me laugh... a single, iced martini in hand. 

6. What were you like as a kid?

Precocious. A sneak. A thief. A grubby fatty. A brown-noser. Sensitive. A loner.

I was always starving and nothing could fill me up. Not physically. Not emotionally. 

I recognized early there was a game to play and I played my role very well. But I was not authentic. 

 I always recognized how precious nature was... how magical and fragile. 

I spent a great deal of time hiding. 

The hands, fingers and fingertips of grown ups... always something to be feared.

7. What should I know about you that I’d never think to ask about?

One would think, given all the over-sharing I do on this blog, that I've nothing left to reveal. But there are three things - incidents - periods of my life that I still can't talk about, things I can only allude to in the vaguest of terms. 

They're the sort of injustices that one is powerless in the face of; that fuel anger, doubt and self-loathing. 

From time to time, I take them out of their box and look at them. But in doing so, a rush of emotion overwhelms and I quickly wrap them back up in their tissue paper and put them away. 

So why do I share that? Why do I mention their existence? 

Why do I have a this need to call attention to myself? 

Frequently I feel like one of those tiny dogs, jumping at the feet of people visiting in a living room, begging for attention. I feel like I have no value other than the ornamental. 

You'd be surprised at how self-conscious I become in the presence of others, especially those I don't know well. I crumble and ingratiate myself. It's quite embarrassing (like my spelling).

I'm always concerned that I'll be found out. Caught out. Found wanting. Until I know what's expected of me, what is useful? I cower. I flatter.

Unless I've adopted a role. For instance... today? I'm Penelope Keith. I'm Bea Arthur talking about Tallulah Bankhead. 

Other days? I'm Mia Farrow. I'm Bette Davis. I'm Totie Fields. I'm Sean Connery. I'm Paul Lynde. I'm Montgomery Clift.

I borrow what I don't have. It's a small crime. 

One I pay for. 

As I mentioned, I've never been authentic. I don't know what that costs. Or if it can be bought.

8. Did you—or do you—have a nickname? What’s the story behind it?

I never did. Until 8th or 9th grade. (And I've shared this before, so if you've read about it, skip this part.)

A social studies teacher gave it to me and it took. He called me 'Tinker'. And would change it out with 'Kinker' on occasion. I was flattered, at the time. I thought, 'how sweet', that he had a special name for me. I must be special. 

How naïve was I? 

It was only within the last ten years or so that I came to realize what he meant, what he was driving at. At the time, I though it was a play on my last name. It was not. 

What the fat fuck was actually doing was calling me 'Tinkerbelle', as in you gay stupid kid. In front of a classroom of peers. 

In retrospect, I am mortified and angry. But being so gets me nothing. In all likelihood, he's dead now. 


9. Who was your favorite schoolteacher or college professor? Why?

Strange how one's answers change with time. 

There was a time when I would have said my high school drama teacher. But distance is a great teacher and I know a different truth regarding her. 

Instead, I'll go with my journalism teacher. He was so smart. Well read. A nice man. Beefy, handsome, tall, with a head full of silver hair he always kept in a crew cut. Striking. Full beard. Amazing voice. All of which was lost on me, at the time. He had two of the nicest women I have ever met for daughters.

What wasn't lost on me? He cared. He was a great writer. He knew his stuff. I wish I would have worked with him more. 

There was also a music teacher who was quite talented that I wish I would have been awake enough to recognize. He was a disaster in the class room, but he knew his stuff and I wish I'd been brave enough to listen and learn.

Those two men, both kind hearts... I have the utmost respect for them. 

10. Have you figured out your calling in life? What is it?

It's not one thing. Several. 

I write. I write music, lyrics, prose, essays, this blog. I am a storyteller. It's taken me ages to realize it. I'm still learning. I'm a work in progress. 

 If I'm obtuse? I have my reasons.

The other thing I am here to do? Care for others. Animals. People. Environments. I am a good steward. I know my place and my job.

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That's all for now.

I have to laugh at the title for this quiz. Having read my answers? 

Would you date me?

Well, we all have a bit of a propensity to be ridiculous. Acknowledging it should count for something!

I hope you had fun.

Leave your answers in the comments section, or post them on your blog and post a link here. You know I love to hear from you. 

Thanks for reading.

Mirror Man - The Human League

Reflections - The Supremes


Sixpence Notthewiser said...

Goddess! Were the Supremes glam!
Ok, I think EVERYBODY should ask these questions during the first date. Everybody. We would all be so much better matched! LOL I know some people do not like the 'oversharing' but I'm like you and I don't mind telling these things to somebody I'm interested in. I won't bore you with the details of my case in particular, but I think your answers were awesome. They made me think, which is something I should do often and hard.
The boyfriend is lucky to have have you. Self-awareness is great. It comes with a price, but it's a great asset.


Jimmy said...

I LOVE the photos you posted today!

I am very similar to you in my answers to this quiz so I won't bore people with a repeat. Smooches!

whkattk said...

1. The current wife.
2. Human foibles...not the harmful ones, the oops! did that really just happen ones.
3. My wife. Really. After 35 years, she better be, I guess.
4. I've got to say The Lion In Winter. Excellent writing, excellent acting, excellent everything.
5. Floating around the pool naked (natch).
6. Quiet. Give me a book or a pencil and paper to draw.
7. Like you, I can't say it aloud - not even to myself. It enters my consciousness and I pack it down.
8. Nope. Never was that popular - or unpopular to earn one, I guess.
9. Theatre teacher. High school. He was a great man; kind and wise.
10. Oh, to dance! 'Course that's been over for years. Directing...that went to the wayside...writing now. Fiction, non-fiction, plays, screenplays.

Mistress Maddie said...

First dates? What are those? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. I hate first and blind dates.

Who has been the biggest influence in your life? Grandmother for me and maybe a pinch of Breathless Mahoney.

What kinds of things really make you laugh? Slapstick comedy, Rodney Dangerfield, insult comics, Good jokes, good funny movies, when people accidently break wind.

Who is your best friend? What do you like about him/her? I really have two...and it's because of our shared interests, good times and shared life moments, and our good old snarky banter.

Favorite movie of all time? Auntie Mame. My perfect life lesson of living.

What were you like as a kid? Nosey, curious, arty, smart ass, yet innocent and devilish at the same time. Loved hanging with the older men and grown ups.

Have you figured out your calling in life? What is it? Nope. I think the calling keeps evolving for me.

Deep down I gave up on the dating thing some time ago. I think I don't want it to work, then if it does I have to settle down again and sacrifice my independence again. I'm far to ice queeny to open up again, and I'm far to selfish. Just give me my FWB's and sex partners.

SickoRicko said...

Fabulous collection of images!

Bob said...

You know, I once slow danced onstage with Diana Ross. True story.

But I digress....
1. Biggest influence
My parents. I learned a lot from them, but the greatest lesson ever was "All you really get in life is happiness, so don't waste time on anything else."
2. What makes me laugh.
Totally unexpected humor. The I-can't-believe-you-said-that humor. Dark, bordering on almost tasteless, bad taste humor.
3. Best friend,
Well, now it's Carlos, obviously, but if I was single and asked this question, it's be my friend Laura, because we cannot see each for years and pick up right where we left off; we, well, she, can talk for hours on the phone and I can listen for hours.
4, Favorite movie.
The Red Violin, because at it's heart it's a story of reincarnation which fascinates me.
5. Favorite way to spend a Saturday.
Probably the plan-less Saturday. Just go out nd see what you find. The unexpected makes me happy.
6. What Was I like as akid.
Terribly shy and introverted, though there were flashes of what might be.
7. What should You know about you that You’d never think to ask about.
I'm a pretty open book but there are things that are better kept t myself. Painful times that I survived; sad times I endured. We all have them and I like to keep mine to myself, for the most part.
8. Nickname?
Bob. Bobby. Bobert. Bobolicious.
9. Who was your favorite schoolteacher or college professor? Why?
Dave Hogan, a writing professor in college who made me see that I can write.
In high school, it was Valerie Himes who helped me realize I was kay as I am.
10. Have you figured out your calling in life? What is it?
I think it's helping people in whatever way I can. I think it's in listening to people, talking to people, understanding people, and then sharing that with others.
But the march goes on so we'll see what else happens ....

anne marie in philly said...

1 - my maternal grandmother
2 - MST3K, comedies, the marx brothers, bugs bunny cartoons
3 - my spouse; he's put up with my shit for 30 years now
4 - "a christmas carol" 1951 B&W version with alastair sim
5 - doing absolutely nothing, no plans, no rules
6 - abused, unsure, unloved except by my maternal grandmother
7 - my menopausal experience (don't ask)
8 - no nickname
9 - my 9th grade algebra teacher; she actually made math fun
10 - a knitter, a kick-ass bitch, a SURVIVOR