The Privilege Walk Quiz, Part 1 of 5

The Privilege Walk Quiz

Part 1 of 5

I am not sure the exact origin of these 35 questions. I know this has been used in the past as a group activity, so that people can start talking about what privilege means. However, it also has it's detractors; folks who feel that in a group setting these "privilege walks rely on the experiences of people with marginalized identities to create a powerful learning experience for people with privilege."

For the record? I'm okay with that. Without information, people do not evolve. If something I have experienced helps someone become a better person? I'm comfortable with that. Get my meaning?

So, consider this post a safe means of taking part in this exercise. While we might learn more about you if you share the circumstances behind your answers, I support one's need for privacy.  You may share as much or as little as you wish. But what you share? I would like to believe it might have an impact. 

For the next five weeks we'll be taking on seven questions from the quiz. Explain your answers if you wish, but do keep tally of your points, as we'll share the overall total at the end of week five. 

How the quiz works: it's quite simple: for the purposes of these posts, to avoid confusion, we'll be adding or subtracting points, rather than steps. Be sure to keep track of your points week to week so you can calculate your total at the end of the 35 questions.

Here we go...

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1/ If your parents worked nights and weekends to support your family, subtract one point. If not, add one point.

Mine did. 

My Dad frequently pulled double shifts, especially during holidays and weekends. We lived right across the highway from the chemical plant where he worked as a boiler engineer, so he was the guy on-call all the time. When I was in 10th grade, he moved to the twin cities where he was employed as the boiler engineer at The Curtis Hotel which was downtown Minneapolis. Because he was away from his family, he always took on extra hours whenever given the opportunity. 

Mom worked two jobs. She worked for the local dry cleaners as their delivery person and also folded all the towels and sheets for the high school and the nursing home. Sometimes the owners went on vacation and put her in charge, or, if they were swamped, my sisters and I would be recruited to come fold or ride along on the delivery route which consisted of a string of small towns throughout central southern Minnesota. This meant working on weekends. Her other job as a bartender at the city's municipal liquor store/bar, kept her busy weekends and evenings. 

While the end result might have helped us - a household of five kids, two adults, one dog and one cat - financially, it also meant that even though all five kids participated in a number of after school activities, our parents were rarely able to attend any of our events. 

-1 

2/ If you feel you are able to move through the world without fear of sexual assault, add one point. If not, subtract one point.

Being male, one would assume I  moved through the world feeling as if I was able to walk down the street or into a room without fear of sexual assault. However, having been sexually abused at a young age and that abuse being neither dealt with or acknowledged at the time, I ended up spending a number of years feeling like I was always walking on thin ice. 

Growing up, my relationship with adults fell into two categories: either I ingratiated myself shamelessly, or I hid from them physically. 

I hid in plain sight... or I simply hid. 

If an authority figure became angry, I would crumble, having no voice. 

-1

 
3/ If you feel you can show affection for your romantic partner in public without fear of ridicule or violence, add one point. If not, subtract one point.

These days, I do kiss The Boyfriend in semi-public, somewhat safe spaces and holding hands in public is not something I shy away from. This may be because if confronted I will simply claim to be helping him because he's handicapped, even though he has no need of such help. 

My generation was raised with a lot of fear around this particular topic and, obviously, it carries over to this day; some old tapes are difficult to erase.

So, I remain vigilant at all times, aware of my surroundings. Having been gay bashed on two separate occasions, I remain wary of the world around me.  

-1

 
4/ If you have ever been diagnosed as having a physical or mental illness/disability, subtract one point. If not, add one point.

I was disabled for a two year period. It was one of the strangest experiences in my life. Things taken for granted were suddenly out of reach or were things I was no longer capable of doing. Being confined to a wheel chair with an IV in my arm was something I couldn't accept. I survived because my parents didn't turn their back on me and because my self-esteem/self-worth couldn't accept such a fate. On my side, I also happened to have a physician who fought for me like no one else in my life ever has and a bit of luck - medical advances kept pace with my illness, offering solutions just in the nick of time.

I could have remained on disability for the rest of my life, however my identity was tied to my ability to work. Returning to the workplace took an additional year and was a painful process, but I finally found an HR rep who was sympathetic and a company that was forward looking enough to see me as an asset, rather than a liability.   

Knowing this about me, if you were to meet me today, perhaps you could spot the telltale signs of my disability. My body has never truly recovered and I wonder sometimes what I would look like had I not had to go through all I did. When I left Iowa for Los Angeles, I was pretty hunky, if I do say so myself. In a six month period I went from 186 lbs. to 123; I don't think one's muscle mass ever recovers from something that devastating. And so, I found myself faced with a conundrum... part of me wanted to return to my regular life as soon as possible, while part of me wanted to hide away for the rest of my life. Many years and a lot of hard work later, I managed to reach a point where I felt comfortable in my own body again. This is why  I remain adamant regarding regular exercise and a healthy diet. 

I remember the music of the time period and how much it meant to me... particularly a song by The Goo Goo Dolls... Iris:

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

Perhaps, once I regained a certain footing, I may have overcompensated. Those exploits, incidentally, fed the early years of this blog.

On this side of things? Well, I don't spend a great deal of time or energy dissecting that time period. 

It's a bit like poking a corpse with a stick. 

You don't really expect it to move... now do you?

-1

5/ If the primary language spoken in your household growing up was English, add one point. If not, minus one. 

English was the primary language. 

+1

6/ If you came from a supportive family environment add one point. If not, subtract one point.

I was always tolerated until the day I became accepted. 

No, it's not perfect, but I take my wins where I can.

+1

 
7/ If you have ever tried to change your speech or mannerisms to gain credibility, subtract one point. If not, add one point. 

Hiding in plain sight seemed to be my modus operendi. I think it's why I ended up onstage. 

The world of theatre and the world in general has relaxed its expectations of what is 'male.' Not so, in my 'day.' I did my best, but quite frankly, I gave up acting because I was always having to do double duty... first I had to convince the powers that be that I was masculine enough to handle a given role. Then, on top of that performance, I had to act the role. It was an exhausting and self-defeating proposition. 

Who was I fooling? 

Had I stuck to intellectual roles, I would have perhaps 'passed.' But due to my physical stature, I was often called upon to do roles beyond my ability to embody. I remember attempting to play Richard in Lion In Winter; a homosexual mama's boy masquerading and overcompensating as a hyper masculine warrior. What I presented was a homosexual mama's boy masquerading as a masculine actor portraying a homosexual mama's boy masquerading as a hyper masculine warrior. It was a lot to wrap and unwrap each night and not merely as simple as... just be yourself. I floundered in the role. I hated myself playing the role... because Richard hated himself as much as I hated myself. Again, one would think... win/win, but no... quite the opposite. 

That's when I decided to focus on directing instead of acting. Oh, I continued to act... but I was careful to never stray too far from playing either an intellectual or the goofy best friend of the lead. 

Wanting to be taken seriously as a director had a whole other set of challenges. I had to appear older and wiser than I was... but having acted for years, such a charade came second nature. Again, I played the intellectual; he charmed, he reassured, he blustered his way through many jobs. 

But it wasn't me. 

I wouldn't emerge until the dust had settled on a career that was never meant to be. 

You can't build something genuine on falsehoods. And you can't reveal your talent if you're always hiding. 

I hid from the world. And I hid from myself. 

I fooled neither. 

-1

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Okay. Ring up your tally and carry it forward to next week, when we tackle another seven questions. 

In the meantime, share your answers and whatever you will in the comments section, or post it on your blog and leave a link here. 

Until next week...

Thanks for reading... and sharing!

Walk In L.A. - Tracy Lord

Walk The Walk - Gaz Coombes