Wonderland Burlesque's You Gotta Have Friends Quiz - Part II

Wonderland Burlesque's

You Gotta Have Friends Quiz - Part II

Standing at the end of the road, boys,

Waiting for my new friends to come...

We've got another ten questions to get through. Very straightforward, very easy.

We're still talking about friends. Besties. Buds. Compadres. A nice walk down memory lane. 

The only rule? None of the answers can be your long term partner or current boyfriend! Yes, we want the info on those who have come and gone from your personal inner circle - so dig a bit deeper.

Okay... question number one!

1/ Ever have a friend with benefits?

Is this a myth?

I'm asking, because I see people on Grindr looking for this all the time. The same people. Looking for this. All the time.

Either they want more than one or it is a hard position to fill.

And that's a shame. Because who wouldn't love to have someone you could turn to time and again for a little something something? Yes, our partners are supposedly there to meet those needs, but, more often than not, such relationships can morph into something where sex is not part of the equation. 

I certainly have considered such an arrangement, but so far? Nothing's panned out.

Follow through and availability are key when pursuing this type of relationship and either I am not cut out for it or they weren't.    

2/ Ever have a friend in need (as in, always asking for favors?)

That would have been me.

I was forever begging my friends to fill in a role in a given show. You do your best, you know. Casting. But there's always a surprise in the bunch. Sometimes it's a minor role, but on two occasions it was a major role, and my friends filled the gap. I was very lucky.

And cigarettes! Back when I used to smoke, I was forever bumming ciggies. It was a bit much, too. But then, I never had any money.

I never asked anyone for money. I'd knew about the damage that could do to relationships. Money and friendship? Not a good combination.

But, yes. I think I was always the one in need in any friendship and I don't recall ever feeling like I had a needy friend. Emotionally? Perhaps. But those types never stuck around me long. I think they got the message quick that I was not the type to be fed off of, as I have a tendency of becoming very unavailable.

3/ Frenemy?

In theatre, one pretends a lot, both on and off stage. We all have to 'get along' for the short gestation period as a show winds it's way to opening night. And quite frankly, no one needed the extra drama. It's a high stress environment. So, strange bedfellows come into being and there is a lot of talk about 'being professional', so we all put the best face on it we can. 

It's strange. When you have a goal in mind... and you're under deadline, you put up with the most insufferable of asses imaginable just to make it to opening night.

The nice thing about theatre. There was always a final performance. And by then, 90% of those involved were already working on their next show. It was all about building that resume', making connections, creating a new, temporary family. You get a new family? The old one becomes obsolete.

Can I say that any of them were any worse than the others?

No. Because we were all terrible, terrible people. Why do you think we hid in dark boxes trying to recreate life? Because we all sucked at the actual thing. We all sucked at life. 

Sure, there were winners and there were lots and lots of losers. 

But... I have come to the conclusion that actors are the worst human beings in the world. Because they are truly terrible at being human beings. I know. I was one. And while I had a few brilliant moments on stage? I totally missed out on what it meant to be a genuine, caring, good person. In other words, I sucked at being a human being. 

Not anymore. I learned the hard way. Learned some very, very difficult lessons. And I am not 'the best' - but I am a much, much better person, this side of L.A. 

4/ Have an ex-friend you're still mad at?

One comes to mind. A certain stage manager. She was a terrible human being. Loved stirring up things and creating drama. She would coo pretty things to your face and then proceed to stab you in the back the very next moment. Always up to something. Always causing pain.

Her name was Sharon. 

I guess I'm not really angry with her. I just don't understand her. Who hurt her in such a way that she felt the need to be so cruel? To inflict that much pain? To create nothing but damage? Where was the joy in all that?

And once exposed? Once confronted? She was haughty. Sneering. She laughed at your pain. 

The first show she worked with me on, I was oblivious. She kept telling me it was 'them.' But, later, I realized, it was her. She created such a toxic environment with management that they were oh-so glad to see us leave. And I knew better than to reapply there. The show? It was good. But behind the scenes? So much drama. I did my best to shield the cast from it. And I? I think I was simply too naïve to comprehend what was going on. 

When next she reappeared, I was with Josh and we had the collectibles shop. We needed someone to manage the register, so we hired her part time. And that's also when I got a huge break. I was to do an anniversary production of a very revered gay drama in a theatre in downtown Minneapolis. 

I see her for who she was... now. Then? I had no idea. So, I hired her a second time. 

And that woman sewed seeds of doubt and mistrust from day one. Any little slight became a huge deal. And they all stored it up until the week before dress rehearsals were to begin. 

It drove me mad. At the time, I didn't realize what was happening, so it took me by surprise. It's only all these years later that I'm able to see the part everyone played. And she... she was but one vessel of deceit in a sea of thieves. I was so focused on the work and so sure of what I was about to accomplish, I was blinded to everything else. 

But angry? No. She was a human wrecking ball. Now? All I can do is pity her. 

5/ Ever get into trouble with a friend?

Oh, yes. Real stuff, too. Like put in the back of a police car with handcuffs stuff. It's funny... until its not. 

Fortunately, I have this way of convincing officers just how very sorry I am, and they let me go. 

Well... not that one time. But, all the others? Yes. 

And my friends. Well, they just forgive and we laugh it off. 

I remember one night we were on the railroad tracks that run the length of Lake Street - somewhere between Park Avenue and Uptown. We had a group of homeless people chasing us. I felt like we were the Hardy Boys, or something. And we laughed and laughed. Not at the homeless people. But that we got away. 

Getting caught skinny dipping. 'Borrowing' things for shows. We were nuts.

You do a lot of stupid stuff when you're young. Then you reach a certain age though and start to realize you can't afford to be stupid.

6/ Longest distance you've maintained a friendship?

Hawaii to Miami.

You know what was strange? I maintained friendships that went back a long way all the while I was bopping about - Iowa to L.A. to Hawaii to Arizona - and, at one point, I was definitely in a very bad place, but... no one ever came to visit me. I had to visit them. And I did. Miami, St. Louis, Seattle, Boston... wherever they were at the time. 

I created two beautiful places to live: the house on the river in Iowa and my apartment in L.A. and nobody ever came to see them or visit me. But I maintained all my friendships and wrote family (this was before I had access to email.) They had all long been my lifelines and, I guess, some part of me recognized that there would come a time when I would need them. 

And when I did need them... some were there for me. 100%  While others? They pretended it wasn't happening because they didn't want their lives complicated - which is something I can understand, but then... 

Those people aren't in my life anymore.

7/ Favorite activity to do with a friend (without benefits?)

Road trips. Let's jump in a car and go. Before Covid-19, I adored exploring. Day trips are the best. Small towns? Very amusing. I love walking up and down whatever passes as main street these days. 

Museums. You put something in the middle of a room or on a wall? I am going to stare at it. I feel so privileged to do so. Someone reveres whatever it is I am looking at enough to put a spotlight on it and I am going to spend time trying to see what they see. 

Antique stores are among my favorite museums. And where do you find the most interesting antique stores? Small towns, on main street, during a day trip!

Oh, happy hour. 

I don't go out much, but I adore seeing the work wife once a quarter. We hit a place and have appetizers and drinks and talk and talk. And laugh. She makes me think I'm funny and I'm just buzzed enough to agree.

8/ Have you ever gone on a trip with a friend? Where to? What did you do?

My work wife. Her divorce became final and I manned up and booked us a trip at an all-inclusive, adults-only resort in Cancun. The room sucked, but we were never in the room. The ocean was beautiful and so were the people. We had the best time. 

9/ Have you ever gone to a bathhouse with a friend? Sex party?

My friend Bobby had a stroke. He was in his 40's. He was a chef, and a good one. So he was wired with an oversized ego, a burning hot temper and ate stress for breakfast. One day? Right in the middle of the restaurant he was working for - he had a stroke. 

Gone was the fire. 

I made a point of being there for him. I took him out. For drinks. To eat. To the bars. Whatever he wanted. And it was always over the top. But he loved Chicago and going to the baths. So I took him. Several times. Bobby had a big dick and he liked to stick it in glory holes. We spent at least four hours there and I sucked a lot of dicks. Some through glory holes. I'm not saying I did, but... I might have sucked Bobby's dick. I dunno. 

It's not the worst thing you could do for a friend.

Sex party? Well, I used to go to the warehouse parties when it first opened. It was sort of a bathhouse, without the bath. Again, Bobby and I. We went opening night and it was packed. A sea of dicks. I actually got fucked just moving through the basement with the crowd. Some tall dude came up behind me and just slipped it in. And we kept moving with the surge of the crowd. That was a crazy night.

But I have yet to go to a sex party at someone's house. I imagine how those things go down - and maybe I'm right, maybe I'm wrong, but in either case? I'm not sure I want to find out. And I certainly would not take a friend with. Can you imagine? They would be having the time of their life and all I would want to do is go home.

Oh, and for one season, I had a friend at the prairie. We hit it off the usual way, but we formed a tight connection and became summer buds. The two of us worked that prairie like a couple of old whores. We managed to orchestrate so many group scenes that summer. And then there were days when I would be the one being watched, and the next day, he would be the hot ticket. And if no one else was around, we had each other. So, I guess he was as close as I ever came to a friends with benefits situation. Thing is? It was only one summer. I never saw him again. He never returned to the prairie. I assume he moved away. My loss. He was cute and a lot of fun. 

In hindsight, that may have been my best year at the prairie.
 
10/ Have you ever had a friend hit on you or tell you that he loves you more than just a friend? Have you?

I did. I thought I was in love with my gay mother. She let me know that was not the case. So, dodged that bullet. 

I think that's a mistake you only make when you first come out. It's like: "Hey, I'm gay. You? You're gay. So... I love you?" And you do. You love them, but it's more like gratitude than love. You're grateful to not be alone. You're grateful they are there to show you the ropes and approve of you.

To his credit, that was not a deal breaker. He remained my best friend for over 20 years and we enjoyed many adventures and lots of laughs. 

I have never been anyone's gay mother. No thank you. It's not a job that I have any interest in doing. 

That's what the internet is for.

--- ---

And that's all for this week. 

I'm not saying there will be a Part III to this quiz, but I'm not saying there won't be. We'll see.

Okay, your turn. You know what to do. Leave your answers, in whatever form suits you, in the comments section or post on your blog and leave a link here. I love hearing about you. 

Until next time...

Thanks for reading... and sharing!

Friends Will Be Friends - Queen

I Lost A Friend - Finneas