Wonderland Burlesque's Hooking Up Quiz

Wonderland Burlesque's

Hooking-Up Quiz

I thought we'd do an old-fashioned sex-centered quiz. 

I realize none of us are hooking up during this time period (which seems to be dragging on and on), but thought it would be fun to revisit our past habits when 'meeting' others (or should that be 'meating'?)

In any event, lets dish a bit and share some stories? Because, know what?

These are my favorite kind of bedtime stories (especially those minus the bed!)

1/ Do you prefer to host or travel?

I love to travel. Always. Doesn't matter the location. I have driven hours to get to a destination - and it has always been worth it. Those men isolated in the country? They are grateful and great hosts. Plus farms!

I have hosted. But I don't like it. I used to have a lot of 'things' sitting about... and, on occasion, some disappeared.  I never noticed at the time, but later, yes. 

So, I've grown extremely reluctant when it comes to hosting. I like the control. I like not going anywhere. But I don't like strangers in my space.

Now, when travelling, the fear is leaving things behind. I left a rather expensive ring behind at one hook-up. Never got it back. And cock rings, poppers and the like? Dime a dozen, I'm afraid. Or wish. Sadly, that stuff is expensive to replace, and I always seem to be leaving a little souvenir behind.

2/ Ever use an app on your phone or a site on the internet to hook up? Which? Recommend one?

Wow. I can't even remember them all. 

Phone Apps: Grindr, Scruff, GROWlr, Jack'd, A4A. 

The only ones I'm still on are Grindr, Scruff and A4A. The only one I use on a regular basis is Grindr. I read profiles. Sometimes I tap. But I never message anyone - don't want to bother them. I will ask questions if they mention they are a musician. I am interested in playing with others... as in musically. Not now, of course. But in the future. 

As for playing with others? Very clear in my profile... vaccine first. Oh, and I do have a few acquaintances with whom I chat with. Just blah blah blah stuff. 

On-line: Wow. So many in the past. But I don't go on at all these days. Why bother? I don't like the interface anymore. Manhunt, A4A, Recon, Squirt, Men4SexNow, and a bunch that I don't even think are up and running. 

My favorite? It was Craigslist. Back in the day, I met the freekiest men on there. Just weird, hot scenes... always unexpected.

But, you know... it is dangerous. Not just from an STI standpoint, either. I once had a guy come to my garage for fun and he started choking me (which I like a little), but he took it too far and I think I blacked out. Well, from that day forward... no more choking with people I don't know. They start that shit and I am like... hands off, bub. That scared me. All I could think about was my family finding me dead in the garage with my pants around my ankles... I can be such a stupid monkey. 

I have curtailed such activities. And, of course, now... zip. 

But this summer? I look forward to my time at the prairie. I like it there.

Lots of room to run... away. 

Okay... I'm going to let one of my alternate personalities write the rest of this post. Apparently, recalling the memory of that choking incident has triggered something... or someone.

3/ What do you take note of when at another dude's place? Pet peeves?

I would like to complain about them playing straight porn while we doing it, but hey, to each they own. They got some movie going on in they head... I got me some business to do.  In a way? It's kind of sexy. That whole blowing a straight dude fantasy. So, I keep my thoughts to myself. And get on, gettin' it on. 

Cleanliness is important. I absolutely loathe it when a dude clueless about housekeeping. If your bathroom a disaster... that reflects on you. It makes me think... hmmm, this person lives like this. Perhaps having him all up in me is not a good idea. 

But, no, if I made it there and he's still cool once he see me in-person, then I am pretty much good to go. Still... I always need to use the restroom - either before or after. So dudes? Clean that up before inviting me over. I do not need to deal with your nasty hair, tissues, clogged toilet, grimy ass sink, moldy old tile 'round the tub. Go to The Dollar Store and buy yourself some bleach and get to work. 

Yes, you would think I have standards... but, not really. 

Though... I did stop seeing this one dude when I walked into his apartment building and there was a pool of blood on the cement steps. 

I don't know. Something didn't seem right about it.

And you know... I will have sex almost anyplace... storage rooms, closets, restrooms, you name it. But if you invite me into your home? Invite me into your bed. Or at least have a couch. Some of these dudes live with no furniture. It's like... well, this is limiting, but sure, we stand I guess. 

And if you do invite me into your bed? Puhleeze! Have changed the sheets at least once in the last ten years. I do not need to find myself face down in somebody else's dried-up body fluids. 

Yes, I do have standards.

Not much... but they there.

4/ What do you hope a dude visiting your place notices?  And what do you hope it says about you?

My piano is right next to my bed. So... yeah, that. I hope that they see that although my place is not much, it is well-kept and I have interests and art on the walls and books. How is it so many mens have no books in they house? DVDs - sure... but how about a book? 

I think I want them leaving thinking I am this creative, free-spirited, bohemian-type, who also has his shit together.

Of course, most of them are there for one thing only... get it and gone. So... who knows what impression they leave with... as long as they leave.

Oh. And my bathroom. It clean. I clean as I clean myself up. Everyday. 

And speaking of bathrooms. Dudes taking selfies? Clean that mirror before you take that pic. I don't care how hot you is or how much iron you pumping. If your mirror all full of toothpaste spittle? Guess what I'm looking at, fool?

And while we at it, and I say this all the time in the comments section on all those marvelous blogs you folks write... whoever invented the selfie. Well. I don't believe in God... but that person? Oh, he deserve a church. Because I singing his praises all the time when I am looking at them pretty, pretty things, all muscled up with that toothpaste spittle on the mirror. Mmm hmm. 

I tell you, thanks to that person, I have seen things I never woulda gotta see. I mean, damn. Them mens be showing they peens to just anybody. 

And that's me.

Just anybody!

5/ Best and/or worst/most embarrassing host experience, when at a dude's place?

I was invited to a mansion in this ritzy neighborhood. You know... one of those houses your eyes go all big over? Dude was older but sizzling hot. I walk in the entrance hall and there is this giant, beautiful staircase. Yeah. We did it right there, on that staircase. 

I never did get to see the rest of the house. 

There was the time when this semi-regular of mine hits me up and is good to go. He's at a long-term stay hotel. Turns out his partner had enough of his cheating ways and kicked him out. I get there. His crap is everywhere, spilling out of broken cardboard boxes... all over the floor. Clothes, DVDs, CDs, appliances... drama. 

As he's clearing off the bed, I head to the bathroom. Thing is filthy and the toilet is clogged. I was like... wow, how the might have fallen. 

But I do not complain. I say nothing. I figure he in enough pain. 

Later, he comes to my place and as he's leaving tells me my place is 'pathetic'. Really? Coming from a bitch with a clogged up toilet and clothes all over the floor? Mmm hmm. Since that day? 

He ain't got none of this.

But the all time winner? That time I had to hide in a closet because a dude's man came home unexpectedly. I think I shared that on this site in the past. Man... that was so weird. Sneaking out while his boyfriend is watching the news. Walking a foot away from the boyfriend chair! 

I really wish I would have taken something... at least a tee shirt. Damn fool.

Awww... good times.

6/ Weirdest place you or the other person suggested the two of you 'meet up'?

Church. A Catholic church. I followed through... and he was there, but chickened out. I get it. I don't believe anymore, but  why mess with something that has nothing to do with you? Well, at the time, I was a church-goer. But... no, I guess that was pretty messed up, so just as well. 

I love being invited to buildings or floors of buildings under construction. That's always hot. Hasn't happened in a long while. Used to. When I worked downtown. Some dude always dragging me off somewhere. 

I was pretty brave back then. 

But the thing about bravery is... time has a way of chipping away at it. 

I don't know if I would do all that I did now. 

Except getting fucked in the middle of that giant cherry wood conference table where the very next day the CEO sat and made decisions, approving this and approving that...

That?

That keeps me smiling at night. 

7/ Most random/out-of-the-blue/accidental hook-up ever?

Oh. I was working on one of my rental houses. (I may have shared this story in the past, too) (notice how all my stories are 'in the past'? sigh). Summer. I have no shirt on. Just shorts. Working outside. This black dude is walking by and asks if the house is for rent. I tell him it will be, soon as all the work is done. He wants to see the place. I look him over. He's cute. Energetic. Has a bit of a sly dog quality. There's a vibe about him I dig. 

I tell him I have workman in the backyard and that the house's interior is getting new carpet, paint. I tell him I be happy to walk him through it.

Dude is wearing long basketball shorts and a white wife beater tee. As I point out stuff, I can't help but notice he keeps adjusting his dick through his shorts, cupping his junk, talking a mile a minute. The place has a loft with a library ladder that leads to it, so I take my time going up, so he gets a good look at my booty. I go into the loft while he stays on the ladder. He got one hand on the ladder... I don't know all what the other hand is doing, but he talking a mile a minute. 

I climb back down, he's looking up and I'm thinking, I know what is what. 

We head down into the basement and get to the laundry area. Place is cramped, so he's standing close. I make a point of crouching down to show him something about the furnace and turn my head back and come face to face with his big old sweet, fat boner, tenting in those silk basketball shorts of his. As I rise, I accidentally brush it with the back of my hand, as I remind him about the workers in the back and how they will be gone at 3:00 pm. So, if he'd like to see the backyard, he should come back then.

He came back, alright... 

But never did see that backyard.

8/ Have you ever hooked up with a guy and wished he would stay in your life forever? Tell me about him. Has a random hook-up ever turn into something more?

There was one guy... he was so sweet. And mellow. And good to go. He lived in this apartment complex surrounded by woods. He invited me to a sex party at his place and I had a super time with all his guests. I was like the whore of the ball... I played with everybody. Even the other bottoms. He was impressed enough to ask me back to 'watch a movie' the next week. 

Man. We just melted the paint off those walls. 

He was a pony boy, curly black hair, beard, compact, no-fat body, big dick. A vegetarian and a naturalist (no cologne, etc.). He smoked 420, but was so intense. I mean, I did things with him I'd never done with anybody else and it was epic... hours and hours. Intoxicating.

After we showered, we ended up sitting on his couch listening to Diana Ross and the Supremes and talking about everything. We had some good times and then he wanted me to meet his friends and I got cold feet... afraid they would not approve of me. He was an A- Gay and I am a C+, at best. 

In hindsight, I wish I would of pursued it. He was so cool with everything about me. Well, what I would tell him, anyway. We had so much in common.  And the energy level clicked so much, we just kept setting the room on fire. 

But I was afraid. 

Fires that burn that hot? 

Well, somebody always ends up getting burned. 

9/ Have you ever invited a guy to your place, thought better of it, and asked him to leave?

No.

A meal delivered to my doorstep? And I don't even have to leave a tip? 

I love me a free lunch.

Look, I know dudes like to oversell they goods... it's called fluffing - and not the kind one does to porn stars on a movie set. But I know enough to read the fine print and between the lines. I always have a really good idea of whom I am getting involved with before giving out any personal information, such as where I live. (And never, ever, under any circumstance give them your phone number until you know who you dealing with.) 

Have I ever been disappointed? 

A little. In the flesh there are smells and attitudes and postures and vibes you can't pick up from a photo. But it would have to be a case of complete misrepresentation for me to send them packing without something for their efforts. I mean, they got to know me a little, enough to burn the gas to come over... 

So, hell, in my book?

That's worth at least a handy jay. 

10/ Has anyone ever made you breakfast the morning after? Have you?

I have not. Though I heated up some leftover Hamburger Helper once for a dude I thought was in need of a meal. But breakfast. Naw. That relationship stuff. 

And, no... I do not stick around for breakfast. Not even back when I was single. 

The morning light? 

It rarely flatters. 

You know, I may not be that particular about the men I have sex with... 

But I'm damn picky about my breakfast.

--- ---

Well, this has been fun; revisiting my former tramp self. 

Lawd knows those days are behind me. 

Not that I am going to be more selective. 

I just have a feeling I will be selected less frequently. 

You get to my age? You an acquired taste. 

Okay, your turn. Use the comments section. Tell me some stories. And don't leave anything out. 

Life is in the details... you know... like toothpaste spittle and silky basketball shorts. 

Thanks for reading. 

If You Seek Amy - Britney Spears

Get With Me - 3rd Storee feat. Joe Budden