Wonderland Burlesque's Let's All Go To The Movies: Just Say 'No' Edition, Part I

Wonderland Burlesque's

Let's All Go To The Movies

Just Say 'No' Edition, Part I

Oh, the dangers of drugs! Has anything ever been so exclamation point worthy? 

These kids these days, I tells ya... all hopped up on the Mary Jane, seeing pink elephants and putting babies in the oven. Tsk. Tsk.

And so, faced with yet another exploitable crisis, this great nation of ours turned to that bastion of moral fiber and fortitude... HOLLYWOOD. 

Only since the birth of the golden arches has there ever been another sign bringing us such salvation. 

Yes. Repent! Renounce your wicked, wicked ways. Put down that pipe. Lay down your rolling papers. Sniff not the devil's dandruff. 

Heed the warnings and adhere to the golden path that leads to eternal redemption. This? This is not a war on drugs. This is a war for your very soul. 

Let us now turn to the silver screen and learn the lessons it has to impart. 

Marihuana

"Daring drug expose! Horror, shame, despair!"

"Weed with roots in hell."

"Weird orgies. Wild parties. Unleashed passions!"

(Hmm. Truth be told, I think all orgies are a bit weird.)

"Adults only!"

"Exposed!"

"Divulging heretofore unheard of orgies of youths dissipation ."

"Sensational! Daring! Bold!"

(Exclamation points! No shortage!)

Assassin Of Youth

(Marihuana)

"Marihuana. A puff - a party - a tragedy."

"Wild-mad thrills."

"Reefer."

(Well, as long as everybody gets their cookies at the end of the night...)

Reefer Madness

"Adults only!"

"The sweet pill that makes life bitter!"

"Women cry for it - men die for it!"

"Drug-crazed abandon."

"See: Youthful marihuana victims. What actually happens!"

(This one speaks for itself! Such a classic.)

"The National Organization for the Reform of Marihuana."

"Wake up America! Here's a roadside weed that fast becoming a national high-way!"

"Marijuana: weed from the devil's garden!"

"One moment of bliss - a lifetime of regret!"

"Hunting a thrill, they inhaled a drag of concentrated sin!"

(One moment of bliss, a lifetime of regret? Hmm. That could apply to a lot of things in my life.)

"America's newest narcotic menace."

"A puff of smoke started her on the way!"

"The deadly scourge that drags our children into the quagmires of degradation. Your child will be next!"

(These days, a little THC is the least of most parents' worries.)

"Public enemy no. 1"

"A daring theme!"

Maryjane

"Marijuana at issue. Harsh laws challenge. Attacked within government."

"Does 'grass' have therapeutic value?"

"Professor asserts: Youth confused over marijuana debate."

"Marijuana's mythical effects."

"Should we legalize 'pot'?"

"Marijuana: Euphoria or crutch?"

(Former heartthrob Fabian and Patty McCormack!)

"It is illegal to possess maryjane!"

"Yet it is found in every high school corridor!"

"The shocking facts behind the marijuana controversy."

(Well, not the corridors, more like the boys bathroom near the cafeteria.)

(I was aware of it, but never interested.)

"Five kids smoked this. Two are in the hospital, one is in jail, and the others have blown their minds!"

"Recommended as adult entertainment."

(What blows my mind is that Patty McCormack (The Bad Seed) is in this!)

The Devil's Weed

"Exposing the tragic truth of the marihuana menace!"

(Lila Leeds was an actress who was famously arrested with Robert Mitchum for marijuana possession. While in jail she took up heroine. Mitchum's career recovered. Hers never did.)

"It rips the veil of secrecy from marijuana smokers!"

"Lila Leeds' own story."

"Learn facts! Hear truths! From the girl who knows!"

(I'll have you know it's actually very difficult to smoke while wearing a veil.)

Devil's Harvest

"A fifth column sowing destruction in the youth of America."

"A good girl until she lights a reefer."

"The truth about marijuana, the smoke of hell!"

(Had to look this up: "fifth column: a clandestine group or faction of subversive agents who attempt to undermine a nation's solidarity by any means at their disposal." Huh. That sounds a lot like...)

"A vicious racket with its arms around your children!"

"Sin. Degradation. Vice. Insanity. Debauchery." 

"Repent or perish!"

(They say the same things about a weekend stay at Mara Lago.)

Cocaine

"Strips the soul bare. Inflames the senses. Bold. Revealing. True."

"The thrill that kills."

"This picture is a lesson for every teen-ager and a waring for every parent!"

"This picture is definitely not recommended for children."

"Timely as today's headlines." 

(So...I have never done it. Never had access to it. Have never been offered it. Which, considering all I have been exposed to in my lifetime, seems pretty amazing. Maybe it's because it is expensive? I haven't had many wealthy friends and those I have, not the type to do cocaine.)

The Cocaine Fiends

"The white dust from hell!"

"Degradation. Sin."

"Crime! Suicide! Prostitution!"

(In other words, like marijuana, but without the vice and insanity?)

Narcotic

(That looks to be a very upscale shooting gallery.)

 

(In French, no less! Great poster.)

The Narcotic Story

"Strips the gloss and mystery from the sordid depravity of the living death!"

"Scene after scalding scene never before depicted on the living motion picture screen."

(Yes, well, personally, I prefer all my scalding scenes to take place in restaurants, bars, or the privacy of my own home.)

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That's all we have time for this week. 

Tune in next week!

Same time! Same channel!

It's Intermission Time!