Wonderland Burlesque's You Gotta Have Friends Quiz - Part III

Wonderland Burlesque's

You Gotta Have Friends Quiz

Part III

I used to have me some friends

But something came and took them away...

Yet another ten questions to get through today. But don't worry, it's fairly straightforward, very easy.

We're talking about friends. Besties. Buds. Compadres. 

A nice stroll down memory lane. 

The only rule? None of the answers can be your long term partner or current boyfriend! Yes, we want the info on those who have come and gone from your personal inner circle - so dig a bit deeper, dears.

Let's hop to it. First question...

1/ Do you have gay friends who are a couple? Do you like one of them more than the other?

I have. 

And, yes, I am afraid I have always cared for one over the other. I remember Sunday night dinners at the home of one of my former best friends (he has passed). They were from New Orleans and one was a cook. It was very formal. Cocktails and always a sit down dinner with linen. My friend was an actor and an anesthetist - head of anesthesiology at a large hospital. His partner, the cook, was a stay at home 'husband' and a dirty old man with a racy sense of humor. They'd been together forever. 

The cook drank a bit too much and would become less charming and more vulgar as the evening wore on. I got used to it, but was always on my guard around him. He was also obsessed with money, constantly reminding us all about how his husband could afford all the finer things in life. 

The actor was a bit grandiose, and clever. But sober. 

Every dinner ended the same. One would make the other angry and the cook would then spend the rest of the evening smoking cigarettes and sipping cocktails by himself in the kitchen while the rest of us - there were always ten for dinner - would watch In Living Color.

That took up two years of Sundays!

2/ Did you ever have a couple you were friends with split up and you had to choose between them? Who did you choose?

My friend from Target Corp. had a tall, bald-headed husband who came from a great deal of money. The friend was also an occasional fuck buddy of mine - we'd actually met cruising in the woods and then, weeks later, discovered we both worked the same place. We had a lot of fun. 

I had mixed feelings about becoming friends with his husband, but we hit it off right away. With The Ex, who was still my partner at the time, the four of us would go out to dinner and attend concerts. 

I became a bit heartsick when I learned that my friend from Target had no intention of remaining with his husband, but was secretly saving up enough money for a deposit on a condo of his own. I never let on that I knew, but when the time came and they split, I took his ex out to dinner to console him. I wanted to keep both of them as friends, but I must have said something that I shouldn't have that night. 

I didn't realize anything was wrong until, one day, after not having seen him for a week, I saw my friend at the company cafeteria. I went to say hello and he acted as if I was not there. I emailed him asking what was wrong, but never received a reply. 

To this day, we run into one another at the prairie and he behaves as if I do not exist, so about two years ago, I stopped trying. 

His ex and I remained friendly, but, once he found himself a new partner, we gradually lost touch. 

The way of love...  

3/ Did you ever start as friends and then become lovers?

Never had the luxury. I think I had a couple of chances, but always blew it by being 'me.' 

I think that would be the ideal way to develop a relationship. I mean, friendship is the foundation of any meaningful bonding, but to have that amount of breathing space before diving in head first to the carnal part of it? I think that would be ideal, one that has escaped me. 

Fortunately, with the exception of The Artist, I have always maintained friendly relations with all my exes. 

4/ Were you ever betrayed by a friend?

Oh, let me count the ways....

I think betrayal was just a a part of life in the theatre. You wouldn't get a job because of something said about you behind your back. Or you'd get the job and someone would intentionally or unintentionally sabotage the show, by walking out at the last minute, or badmouthing your work before opening. No, not every show, but... looking back, it was all variations on 'the play that shall not be named.' Or, at least it felt like that at the time.

Looking back, I realize a bulk of what felt like betrayal was merely business; this was found acceptable, this was not. And I accept that - now. Then? It was high drama. As for the gossip? Well, people do need to keep themselves entertained. I certainly did my share, no prince was I. The high road? Oh, no, sir, not me. 

I think the only time I felt truly betrayed was when I moved in with this woman friend of mine, an actress. I told her I didn't think I could afford the apartment, but she insisted it would all work out. I was in the midst of cobbling together a production of Who's Afraid Of Virginia Woolf? while rescuing a theatre company I'd been a part of, but due to a huge amount of internal strife, was left holding the reins. So, I never properly moved in. I was living out of boxes and never even put together my bed, sleeping on a mattress on the floor. 

I fell behind with rent almost instantly. And two months into the lease, she changed the locks and kicked me out on the street. I stayed at the theatre's rehearsal space until I found something new. The worst part was that she had a couple of her friends, two people I never cared for, come in and pack up all my things - which meant they saw my porn collection (!), which, now, I realize, big deal, but at the time I was mortified.

We never spoke again or worked together. And, while there is part of me that understands, part of me will not forgive. There were better ways to handle it. 

5/ Did you ever betray a friend?

I'm sure many would say yes, but I can only recall a handful of times. 

I feel I betrayed Josh, my partner with whom I had the collectibles shop. He built a lovely business and I ruined it by being myopic and selfish. 

And there was another director, a member of the theatre company I was part of and ended up taking over. She was a golden child and had fervent followers, not the least of which was the critic at the Minneapolis Tribune. She was a rising star and had just gotten a shot at the next tier - a production of The Prime Of Miss Jean Brodie at one of the premier theatres in town. I'd worked there as an actor and designed lights for shows there in the past, so I volunteered to design her lights, though I couldn't run them because of scheduling conflicts. At the same time, I was designing/constructing the set for a Neil Simon comedy at a theatre that our little group had sort of been born from. It was a sad little production, abandoned by all the board members, who were busy working on the golden child's latest venture. 

I did what I could on the limited budget presented. I'd work days on the set and nights on the lights. I was  running ragged. The two productions were set to open the same week. 

We were down to the wire with final dress rehearsals to begin. The director of the Neil Simon, a lovely actress I'd worked with several times, was all upset about the color of the apartment, calling it depressing. I'd created it out of old paint I'd found at the theatre. She was so distraught, and called out the fact that nobody seemed to care about her production. Well, I couldn't say she was wrong. I found new paint in a much lighter hue, I then locked myself in theatre overnight and repainted the entire thing by myself. 

I then went home and tried to get some sleep before the dress rehearsal for the other production. I couldn't sleep and grew resentful and despondent. I was relying on public transit and couldn't bring myself to get on a bus and go to the theatre. I was also exhausted. The phone began to ring and ring and I wouldn't answer it. I just hid in my apartment. 

Well, the fallout was huge. Lots of drama. Lots of anger. I was banned from the theatre. There was lots of scrambling as no one could make sense of my lighting design (which, in hindsight, I must say probably was a bit too MTV for the production.) The show, of course, opened on time, to scathing reviews and I was a convenient scapegoat. It tanked the golden child's momentum and she moved away shortly after. 

So, I sabotaged her career. Unconsciously, of course, but am guilty all the same. 

6/ What is the kindest thing a friend ever did for you?

While I was recovering from a severe illness in 1997, I was the recipient of many a kindness. Friends who would give me shelter and kind words. And while I was ill, I had several people in L.A. who, out of the goodness of the hearts would come pick me up and drive me to the hospital or had my back at work. There was a lady in HR who had to constantly explain to those I worked for that my illness was very real and that they needed to accommodate me and my frequent hospitalizations or face a lawsuit. 

She went so far as to carpool with me, picking me up most mornings and dropping me off in exchange for gas money. She even visited me in the hospital and prayed for me. In a city with no compassion, here was this young woman with such a good heart. 

My doctor at the time was a god damn warrior. If anyone had my back, it was her. She argued with the insurance company, my place of employment, various specialists we dealt with, nurses, etc.  Had I been in the care of a less passionate physician, I would not be writing this, today. 

I must say, the experience changed me. Changed my focus. Because of their kindness, I, in turn, became kind. I went from being all about me to having compassion for those who populated my life. Oh, it wasn't overnight, I assure you. But it did come about eventually. By the time my father needed me, I was there for him and did the right thing. 

That's something to keep in mind during these times of frustration and anger - that kindness really is the way to bring about true change. Maybe not right away. But it works like the tiny drip of water which eventually breaks the stone. 

7/ Do you have a special gift that you got from a friend?

When I moved to L.A. I sold everything or gave it away. Among these things were paintings which meant a great deal to me. My then best friend purchased one of the paintings, as he'd long admired it. 

When I returned to Minnesota, he gave it back to me - something I did not ask him to do, nor did he ask for the money he gave me for it; he simply returned it to who he felt was its rightful owner. 

These days, I spend all day with that painting opposite me as I work at home and write. And, even though we have been at odds these many years, I think of him when I look at it and find comfort there. 

8/ Have you ever had a gym buddy, running partner, or bike buddy?

I am a lone wolf. Always have been. I like to operate with a great degree of freedom. 

The Boyfriend and I used to workout at the gym at my workplace on the weekends, and today, we workout three or four times a week in his basement, but he doesn't count for this post. 

So, no, never. Working out with someone means you are at their beck and call when it comes to leaving or when something begins and ends. I like taking detours. 

Especially in the woods. 

You never know what you're going to find in the woods... or the locker room. 

Perhaps... a new friend?

9/ Did you ever have a group of friends that always hung out together or met at a certain place and time each week?

The theatre crowd spent most evenings, after rehearsal, at a little theatre bar called Oliver's. It's now gone, taken over by the dive next door called Mortimer's. It was all cocktails and gossip and talk of theatre. We all smoked cigarettes like fiends. We thought we were the new Algonquin Roundtable. When we had a successful show on our hands, we'd lord it over anyone within earshot, and when the reviews were not good, we'd bury our heads, stooped over our drinks, keeping to ourselves. In good times, when we were hot, people would drop by our table, looking for an in, or a possible job. It felt magical. Powerful. 

When it all went to shit? Those days ended. When I had the theatre on my own, I still would go and sit with the various casts, but the roundtable was no more. Eventually, the place felt empty, haunted and I stopped going altogether. 

10/ Did you ever watch the NBC television show, Friends? Who was your favorite character and who did you identify with the most?

I did, for the first season and quickly tired of it. I remember everyone else being absolutely enamored, but must-see-television was not for me. Not at the time. I eventually watched the rest of the series on Netflix, so I'm familiar with it. I see the attraction, though I find it all rather hollow and convenient. The writing? Clever in parts, but so closed-minded, as if the rest of the world didn't exist for this little comedy bubble of white, privileged individuals. 

Of course, I thought them attractive. Especially Joey, but what a tiring, thankless role that was - playing the village idiot. 

The only one I could relate to was Phoebe, as she'd supposedly come up from the streets. How she ended up with this group, well, it's a mystery to me. None of the characters ever evolved or changed - their circumstances did, but it remained a closed circle - everybody either remaining single or pairing up. If, by chance, a new character came into the fold, they were gone by season's end and the circle would reconvene, closed once more.

Phoebe had the most interesting story arcs, but she was basically played as the female Joey, so... meh. 

In the end, the most entertaining part was watching Chandler Bing.

There was Chandler Bing, unknown actor. Then Chandler Bing, big deal actor. Then Chandler Bing, raging drug addict, losing weight at an incredible rate. Then Chandler Bing, post recovery. 

For me, the life and fortunes of Matthew Perry offered the most entertaining storyline in a sitcom that well-overstayed its welcome. 

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And that's it. (There's no part IV.)

And enough of me prattling on.

Your turn. Leave your answers in the comments section or post it on your blog and leave a link here. 

Until next week, thank you, my friends... for reading and participating. 

One True Friend - BRWN

My One True Friend - Bette Midler