Weekend Onesie: Creepy Kids

Weekend Onesie: Creepy Kids

How do you get to the holder of a household's pocketbook? Through their kids.

Kids have been used to to separate people from their hard-earned cash long before the dawn of Madison Avenue. 

Today, we'll take a look at some of advertising's creepier children, the kind that will haunt your every waking moment. 

But then, I find most children terrifying, so it won't take much to raise the hair on the back of my neck. 

So, like the possibly-possessed child depicted in the above Van Camp's ad... let's dig in. 

Don't worry.

They can't hurt you...

...anymore.

- uptonking from Wonderland Burlesque

Creep - Kid Moxie

Drink this and you, too, at the age three can look like a drunken sixty year-old politician.

Apparently there was a lot of inbreeding at this particular apple orchard.

This child looks like he could eat the chrome off a Cadillac. And what's with the random wieners sitting on Mom's white table cloth?

Can one eat pork and beans with evil intent?

This one is enough to give you nightmares.

Later that evening, as they slept, Timmy slaughtered his entire family and got his revenge.

He'd specifically asked Santa for a Huffy brand bicycle.

Tommy O'Malley later took up residency on a bar stool at the corner pub...

...and never returned home.

The great ginger floating head demands more beans...

...more beans!

Mike Pence as a child?

After this, Mike Pence had his first taste of human flesh.

And speaking of zombies...

I don't know whether to make a joke about baby flatulence or the possibility of drooling zombie babies.

Lady... be careful.  Your hands! Your precious hands!

Oh! The horror...

Hepped up on goofballs, little Marjorie drove straight 'cross country with her folks bound and gagged in the trunk. There were no potty stops. Yeah... they're not gonna get their damage deposit back on that one.

Oh, ham... how you mesmerized us all with your salty, marbled-pink goodness.

This child looks like she'd rather eat lead.

The agony...

And the ecstasy. 

Those damn, dirty, fruity flavors!

Trix! The gateway cereal.

The Buddy Song - Sing-A-Long

from the 2019 motion picture Child's Play