Wonderland Burlesque's You Gotta Have Friends Quiz - Part I

Wonderland Burlesque's

You Gotta Have Friends Quiz

Part I

"But you got to have friends, the feeling's of so strong.
You got to have friends to make the day last long."

We've got ten questions to get through today. But don't worry, it's very straightforward, very easy.

We're talking about friends. Besties. Buds. Compadres. 

I love walking down memory lane. 

The only rule? None of the answers can be your long term partner or current boyfriend! Yes, we want the info on those who have come and gone from your personal inner circle - so dig a bit deeper, dears.

Let's hop to it. First question...

1/ Who was your best friend in elementary school?

My elementary days are divided in two, due to a move from a farm in one community to a house in a different town. 

Russell was my best bud from kindergarten through third grade. We stayed in touch, seeing each other on occasion until we were seniors in high school. I adored him. He lived on a big farm and his grandparents lived in a house adjacent to the woods that bordered their property. I loved visiting him, although I don't recall ever returning the favor. Watching Shazam in our PJs on Saturday mornings while wrestling around? A cherished memory.

Once I moved into town, I still had a thing for farm boys. Merlin was my bestie then. He sat behind me in fourth grade. He was shy and sweet and I adored him. I had experienced a total personality change with the recent move. I'd gone from a grubby, sweaty roustabout to an introverted academic. My grades improved dramatically, but my self esteem suffered. Suddenly, I was the ugly duckling that did not belong. Merlin, a farm boy, was kind enough to be my friend and would remain so until high school. 

2/ Who was your best friend in high school?

Randy, also a farm boy, was an amazing person. Bright, generous, easy-going, creative, technically savvy and mad about rock and roll. We spent so many hours listening to music, discussing music, and, eventually, playing music (he learned bass and drums.) He was in my first two bands. We experienced 'punk' together.

He was so kind to me. Always had my back, keeping the bullies at bay. In hindsight, I see all this. At the time? I was oblivious. I had no clue how the world worked. Too busy naval gazing.

We would have a falling out in college, when I abruptly broke the lease on a house we were renting. I was falling apart, at the time. Had I remained under that roof, I think I might have done myself in. It was a painful time and I never shared any of what I was going through, because that simply wasn't done back then. So, Randy had no clue and I've never had the opportunity to tell him why I abruptly left.

3/ Who was your best friend in college?

Which time? Honestly? Like colleges, I didn't stick with friends very long. A lot of intense theatre-based friendships were formed in the early days.

The second time I went back, I met my dear friend, Roxy. She remained in my life (and in my corner) for many, many years, coming to my rescue a number of times - particularly when I returned, quite ill, from L.A. She offered me shelter and respite. We laughed a lot. 

She was a lesbian and when I first said hello to her in a philosophy class, her guard was up something fierce. But I kept smiling and eventually she thawed. We became as thick as thieves. 

But there was always something that separated us and it is only recently that I have isolated what it was. She came from a very privileged background. In comparison, I was white trash. Her life and career always operated on a plane that I didn't have access to. Her friends, never became my friends, because I was not cut from the same clothe. 

We haven't spoken in years. I last saw her (and her partner) at a surprise birthday party The Ex and my mother cooked up. They'd rented  a restaurant and there were way too many people, so I didn't get to spend any quality time with her. My father was still alive at the time, and attended the party, but required a lot of my attention, as he was pretty deep into the abyss that is Alzheimer's. 

I remain very grateful for all Roxy did on my behalf. Her friendship means the world to me.

4/ Who was your first drinking buddy, post college?

Natasha and Eve. 

Natasha was a Russian immigrant who did the windows at the downtown Minneapolis JC Penney. We hit it off because I was always creating displays for the toy and sporting goods department, very much wanting to become a part of her world. She was fearless. And a bit scary. She would take me to Moby Dicks, which was this biker's dive on Hennepin Avenue. A lot of heroine and money was trading hands there. She reveled in my wide-eyed innocence when faced with total debauchery and would buy me drinks. After helping her decorate her house for a Halloween party, we made out and I could have gone all the way, but I knew she had a boyfriend and, quite frankly, I was scared of them both. 

Our friendship died when she got busted at JCP for stealing. She'd routinely work after the store closed, at which point her boyfriend would drive up to the loading dock and load his car up with stolen merchandise. I never found out what became of her.

Eve was a theatre bud. We were company members in this theatre run by a pair of lesbians which operated like a cult. We had a spirit guide named Raab, who would speak to us through one of the lesbians as she sat at a typewriter. Raab would tell us who to sleep with and who was bad juju and needed to be cut out of our lives. It was nuts. I realize all that now, but back then, I was naïve and wanted to fit in somewhere so badly. 

Eve had recently divorced her high profile lawyer husband and had a taste for the high life. She took me to bars and clubs I had no business standing in. We once attended the ritzy wedding of one of her snobbiest friends dressed as John Lennon and Yoko Ono. I wore a white tux, a holdover from a musical I had done in summer stock! We were outrageous... and the bride loved it.

Eve and I started as best buds and, thanks to the prodding of Raab, became lovers. That's when I completely short-circuited. Our relationship ended in a downtown Minneapolis bar where I created quite the exit scene, breaking up with her in the loudest, most irrational way possible. 

Yeah. Not my best moment.    

5/ Who was/is your longest/most enduring friendship (longest relationship besides partner or a family member?)

Aww, Brent. 

Twenty years. He was my gay mother. My brother in arms. One of my best collaborators. 

We went to hell and back together. Through many moves. 

Oddly, he remained very absent in my life during my darkest days in L.A. - something I hadn't actually realized until recently. 

I was there for him when his father died and when he became involved with a bitch known as 'Tina' while living on South Beach. 

We did a lot of shows together. Oh, we hated each other when we first met. I was everything he despised - uncultured, unworldly... and I thought he was a prissy little queen. Somehow we became besties, sharing everything for years and years. 

It all went south in St. Louis. He was 'in the program' and those were his friends now. I did not fit in. I was loud, obnoxious and very, very forward. Yeah, I did not go over well. He had found his own people - and I was not one of them. I sensed this on some level and, during my last visit, let him have it with both barrels, calling him out on his selfishness. He was cold. And generosity never came easily for him. 

I'm sure his therapist had painted me as a toxic person.

But, the fact is, I saw the writing on the wall and I wanted to hurt him before he rejected me. 

It ended oddly. 

We remained in daily contact for months after. 

But one day he stopped responding to my emails. 

And then, one day, I took the hint and stopped writing. 

Twenty years. Gone.

6/ Ever have a friend who was an ex?

Of course, The Ex is my current best friend, next to The Boyfriend. 

But, this makes me think of Josh.

I've written about him before. We co-owned a collectibles shop on Chicago Avenue. He was a lovely man. Kind. Sweet. 

He had some annoying habits. His fingernails were too long. He smoked. And he ate sardines out of the can. 

I know, small things to complain about. He was beautiful. Tall. Like a Great Dane.

At the time we were a couple, I was still delusional and dedicated to the theatre. So myopic was I, that I failed to be grateful for all that was being given me. I wanted what I wanted and I wanted it quickly. 

I was very mistaken. Our relationship suffered and then, after a theatre debacle, I took the first train out of town, ending up in the middle of fucking Iowa. I thought he would follow. I left him holding the bag - the store. 

He never came to Iowa. And we never really broke up, so much as we both moved on. He was there to see me off the day I flew to L.A. to live happily every after with The Artist. I handed him the keys to my car and said... thanks. See ya!

He remained in my life until his death, which is something I learned about second hand. He was in Seattle then, and I would visit once or twice a year. By that point, he'd fallen so far off the wagon, sobriety had become nothing but a distant memory. I hold myself responsible. 

I did him wrong.

7/ Who is your newest friend (in the flesh?)

My work wife, Melissa. In the last 15 years we have been through a lot together. Had a lot of laughs and shared some tears. She knows a lot about me and there's very little we don't share. 

When her divorce became final, I whisked her away to Cancun for a week. We had a blast. 

She has two kids and I know our friendship is not the highest priority for her, but we remain very close, even though we no longer work side by side. 

We make each other laugh. 

And that is what will keep us together.

8/ Have you ever made an internet friend?

Not really. 

It's very hard. I think sometimes I come on too strong. Over sharing right out of the gate. I get so excited to find someone with similar interests, be it sexual or social or artistic, I scare them into silence. 

At the same time, I am a very private person. Good luck getting facetime with me. I like to hide on the edges, not unlike a troll under a bridge.

Though I don't bite. 

Unless you ask me to.

9/ Do you have a friend you miss?

Josh. Kindest, sweetest man. Big eyes. He was like a Great Dane. He was 6'4" or maybe 6' 5". Loved his nose. 

But, it's his heart and wisdom I miss the most. He served as great counsel. And today, I am finally in a place where I would listen to him. 

I just want to hug him one last time. 

And tell him how much he is loved. 

10/ Do you have a friend who is also a family member?

My youngest sister.

We laugh. And celebrate everything.

Oh, my. I do not understand why she has put up with me all these years or what she sees in me, but she has always been my fiercest, most loyal friend. No one has ever had my back the way she has. 

That's why I plan on moving wherever she is once I retire. I want her around on a daily basis. We're good for each other, always plotting and planning things. 

I have no idea what the future holds, but... if I hook my wagon to hers? I am sure to have a lovely time.

--- ---

And that's enough of me.

Your turn. You know what to do. Leave your answers in the comments section, or post on your blog and leave a link here. Either way, I love getting to know you better.

Part II, next week. 

Until then...

Thanks for reading... and sharing!

What About Your Friends? - TLC

 Best Friend - Sofi Tukker 

feat. NERVO, The Knocks & Alisa Ueno