Wonderland Burlesque's Party All The Time Quiz

Wonderland Burlesque's

Party All The Time Quiz

Party!

It's party time!

Everybody loves a party!

Or... maybe, no?

Today's quiz gives us an opportunity to examine our attitude about parties and all the party's of our past.

Surely you had a good time once? More than once?

Party all the time?

Then, spill it, Helen! We want the deets!

--- ---

1/ Do you like hosting/throwing parties? Going to parties thrown by others?

I like the idea of parties. 

And I rather enjoy planning them. Budgets, the timing, the environment, the music, the food, the mix of people. It always looks so good on paper.

But then, life frequently does, doesn't it?

The reality? You can never plan for every contingency. And that's the nature of life, too. 

Still, I enjoy the illusion of planning a party and executing it. The actuality is a bit more fraught. It's a little bit like building a set for a production where the script is nothing more than an evening of improv. Whatever is said? You work with it. Whatever is suggested? You roll with it. Whatever happens? You learn to live with it.

Attending parties by others? Typically, not my thing. 

Having been ambushed and set up by others, while, admittedly doing my own share of ambushing, I don't relish the idea of being surrounded by people I don't know, don't care to know, or know a little too well. I have the ability to plaster on a smile with the best of them... but I no longer want to. 

Covid-19 has given me a marvelous out. Birthday party? Funeral? Graduation? Wedding? Baby?

Sorry. 

Covid.

Just recently I had an uncle of mine pass away. I was not fond of him, nor do I care much for his offspring. In the past? I would have gone, grinned and beared it, said lots of superficial things I didn't mean and then made a hasty exit when one presented itself. 

But... no more.

Covid. 

Which is fast becoming code for: I don't like you very much.

A funeral, you ask? Why is he talking about a funeral? I thought this was a quiz about parties.

Well, my dears, what is a funeral but a celebration of a life? It's a gathering. Or so I've come to view them, I seem to get invited to more and more of them these days. It makes me think it's the mid-eighties all over again.

Well, to each their own. 

I'll celebrate the way I want and you're welcome to do as you please. 

Oh. And there better be a full bar.

Mama doesn't do beer or wine. And she certainly isn't going to show up for 'punch.'

2/ What was the last party you attended? Tell us about it.

Oh. Work. 

It was a work function. Catered. Drink tickets. On a paddle boat going up and down the mighty Mississippi. It was huge. Well, I call it huge. Two hundred and twenty-three people. I only attended because I was being paid to be there. 

And I was in charge of the drink tickets.

Imagine. Being trapped on a boat with 218 people you would never speak to on dry land.

There were two levels, so I spent most of the cruise walking up and down steps. The key to succeeding at these things? Remain a moving target. Smile. Throw someone a compliment and move on as quickly as possible. 

Another key to a good time? Know where all the restrooms are, especially those with a lock. 

Also, make sure your phone is fully charged. If you get stuck in a conversation, you can always say, "Sorry. I have to get this." 

What? Like they're going to challenge you on it?

There are three people in this group I never want to talk to, and, inevitably, they always manage to seek me out and corner me.

One is a hoarder. He loves free stuff. He has enough office supplies in his cube to open his own store. I have to explain everything to him. The food. The drinks. Why the limit on drinks. What's planned for any food left over... 

Oh, trust me. He brought Tupperware.

Then there's the little round man with the little round glasses who once complained about all the 'protected' classes employed where I work. He's a passive aggressive, Minnesota nice monster. He chuckles and smiles, all the while saying the most vaguely ignorant things. He knows just where to draw the line so HR doesn't have to get involved. 

The other is the office corpse. 

I don't know how else to describe him. He has all the personality of a wood grain coffee table. 

We don't have conversations, per se. It's more a list of grievances, slights and things I 'could improve upon in the future.' After a few minutes, my eyes glaze over, my smile freezes into place and that third drink ticket I have in my hand, which I know I shouldn't use, suddenly seems like a real good idea.

I do remember getting back to the dock.

And I do remember having had the good sense to order an uber. 

So, all good.

3/ When you attend a party at someone's home, are you the center of attention, an audience member, a 1:1 conversationalist, or a wallflower?

A little of bit of each. I think to be a good guest and to have a good time, you sort of have to be. 

That's if I feel beholden to the host. 

If I feel I owe it to the host? I'm on my best behavior. I might even limit myself to one drink and offer to help clean up. 

But if I have no fucks to give? I'll dine, drink and dash. Or hide until I feel I can leave without offending the host. If I'm lucky, there will be one person there I care about and will want to to talk to. A good conversation can eat up at least a half an hour.

But if they think I'm playing party games? I'm outta there. 

Oh, and by the way... if they have a good CD or record collection? Then you'll know where to find me. I love analyzing people based on their music collections. That's good for at least 45 minutes. Coupled with a good 1:1 conversation? That's an evening!

I'm saying thank you, good night, and heading to my car.

4/ Do you like to dance at parties? Any good? Your favorite song to dance to?

When I was young, I sure did. Theatre parties were the best for dancing because everyone is so dramatic (and drunk.) We also knew that managing directors and directors were watching, so... yeah, it was like an audition, too. 

I love music. So, I would go all out. And if I had a great partner to play off of? It would get so sweaty. 

Some people would mistake all that for some kind of mating dance, but, as I was terribly naïve and something of a eunuch at that time, I was always caught off guard when someone tried to read more into it than just jumping around and getting into the music.  

I can dance to almost any song. Its rare that I will just throw up my hands and walk off a dance floor. 

These days?

Cece Pentison's Finally can always get me moving.  Yes, it's old, but it absolutely captures so many memories for me and it feels like liberation.

And, yes... I was good. Not too sure about these days. I remember dancing in Cancun recently and thinking the music was no fun, I felt too old, and man, that's a lot of work to do and not get paid. 

Maybe all those Zumba classes have ruined it for me?

5/  Ever thrown a surprise party or had one thrown for you? Tell us about it.

Both.

I threw a huge bash at the house for The Ex early on in our relationship. Seventy-five people. I've written about it before. It lasted all hours and the food was, for the most part, very good. Not so good? The six cheese cakes which were sort of under-baked in the center. The gentlemen responsible started the project sober, but... he did not finish it so - thus? Pulled them out of the oven way too soon. (We ate the edges.) The only other bummer was the lawyer friend who took over the music system and only wanted to play Al Jarreau and Basia - nice, but not exactly the vibe I was going for.

My surprise came in the form of a restaurant, where I walked in and there was a table of two dozen people waiting. It was nice, but I never got to really talk to everybody. My Dad was there and, in order for my Mom to have a good time, I decided to take care of him. He was a handful that night. I think all that energy and noise and conversation pushed some buttons. I had a lovely time and it's a fun memory.  

6/ Besides any surprise party, what was the Best Birthday Party you ever attended? Yours? Someone else's Describe it.

The Ex was in the hospitality industry and he had a circle of business associates/friends who always threw caution to the wind created the most magnificent bashes. A couple we were both fond of (one of whom remains my good friend) used to throw these big to-dos. Tons of people. And since one of them was a chef, the food was always over the top. Everybody drank too much and you met the most interesting people - tons of artists. I was always duly impressed. 

The house was small and cramped because they both collected the oddest stuff. All the French doors were thrown open and the party spilled out onto the sidewalk. Frequently, it was all I could do to make it from the front door, all the way into the kitchen and back. There was no place to sit, because everybody else had been there for hours and knew better than to give up their seat. I'm sure the memories garnered from those events bring a smile to their faces to this day.

7/ Best Holiday Party - any holiday. Tell us about it.

So, I am going to actually pick the strangest ever. It was Thanksgiving. 

Every night for two weeks. 

Well, every performance. Plus all the dress rehearsals.

I can't remember why Thanksgiving was chosen, but that's what the director wanted. He'd adapted Truman Capote's In Cold Blood as a performance piece. It was done in the round. The entire cast (twenty people) sat around a long banquet table, with me at the center, like The Last Supper and we ate Thanksgiving dinner while doing the show. I don't remember what part I was originally to play, but there were issues with the actor cast as Perry, one of the murderers, early on in the rehearsal process. The director knew me well, turned to me, told me to dye my hair black and that I was now playing that part. 

I had so much fun.

We got to drink and everything. I was on fire every night. That character had so many wonderful moments and a couple of killer (pardon the pun) monologues. 

And the food was good. I ate mashed potatoes, the stuffing was vegetarian, so it was all good. Pumpkin pie! What's not to love? 

The venue was this old warehouse. 

And the actor playing Dick (appropriate?) took me to my first gay bar, The Gay 90's, which was just down the block from the warehouse.

And I don't know why, but we drew big crowds. I felt like I was part of Andy Warhol's factory, or something. It was magical.

So, yes... favorite holiday ever.

8/ Ever attend a sex party in someone's home? Deets, please.

Are you ready? As sexually adventurous as I am? No.

I've been invited. Many times. And I consider going, but there are too many unknowns. 

My first issue is there is typically an edict about bottoms coming all cleaned out and how we're not to take up time in the bathroom. Really? On can dictate that? From personal experience, I know we all try to do our best, but gravity happens, dears. You deny me quality douching time? I'm out. Besides... one should always rinse out after each use. (Yes, TMI, but, hey... just telling it like it is, dears.)

Secondly, you never know who is going to be there or how few and what if nobody is into you? Since there are limited amounts of people invited and only so much room... well, I feel the odds are not in my favor - even if the host and his boyfriend swear up and down that they want to bone me. 

It's not like a bathhouse, where everybody is welcome and you never know who is going to walk through those doors. At a sex party thrown at someone's house you're limited to those invited by the host. 

Those who do? Good for you. I can see its appeal. I just don't feel like sitting around twiddling my thumbs while some juicy, younger bubble butt gets all the action. And, no, I don't know that's the case, but... I have a feeling that's how it would go down. 

9/ Ever traveled to attend a Pride celebration? Where? How was it?

Just Madison, WI and Duluth, MN.

The trips to Duluth were about seeing their headline performer. The first time, I went all by myself to see Kristine W and spent time at The Duluth Family Sauna. Kristine was in great form and I enjoyed her opening act, too - former Pussycat Doll, Jessica Sutta. I had a great time - all by myself.

The second time was with The Boyfriend. We went to see Sharon Needles and did little more than that. Sure, we walked around and looked at the vendors, but there are only so many non-profits one can support and so much tie-dye one can wear. We did eat and have a beer. Sharon was fun - very Alice Cooper. And her bass player was a total cutie. I'm glad we went.

I took a friend of mine (the one who used to throw the incredible birthday parties) to Madison. We stayed at a hotel downtown and had a great time visiting the bars. The parade was cute - it was so small it went around the capital square twice! Love Madison and love me some Pride!

10/ Ever escaped with a group of friends for a party weekend or special event? Where and why? Describe it.

I just watched Fire Island on Hulu. The Boyfriend surprised me with it the other weekend. It looked like so much fun. 

So much drama! Not my idea of a good time.

I would have bopped around, had a lot of sex, stayed away from all illicit substances (as much as people think they enhance, they really can kill a good time,) danced, taken in the sights and gotten me some sun.

I've done some low budget theatre tours that were sort of similar to getting away with a bunch of friends. And we certainly brought the drama with us... marriages falling apart, love triangles, power battles, and way too much drinking. I always played the voice of reason, reminding everyone that we were there to do a show and that needed to take priority over partying. So, yes, sort of a killjoy. But I was getting paid to be one and, I don't know if you've ever had the pleasure of doing a show opposite someone with a hangover, but it's not fun.

I did develop a habit of sneaking away from the group. Oh, I'd be there for all calls and hit my marks, but my time in a strange city became about checking out the gay haunts, which is something best done alone. 

Not that there weren't other gay guys in a given cast, but while they may see me at my very best and worst, I'd rather they not see me face down/ass up in a dirty movie theatre in St. Louis.

As for actual getaways? I tend to reserve those for 1:1 time with a significant other. It's been awhile... but I tend to like lonely cabins in the off-season and not party city.

--- ---

And that's enough of me.

Okay... your turn. You know what to do: leave your answers in the comments section, or post on your blog and leave a link here.

That's all for now.

Thank you for reading... and participating!

A Little Party Never Killed Nobody - Fergie 

feat. Q-Tip, GoonRock

Party Rock Anthem - LMAO

feat. Lauren Bennett, GoonRock