Wonderland Burlesque's Movie Of You Quiz

Wonderland Burlesque's

Movie Of You Quiz

Remember our Museum Of You Quiz? Well, this is a variation on that theme.

What if you were a movie? I want the deets. 

It can be about your reality, or a modified version of your reality, or a complete fantasy. 

You have total artistic control, so have fun with it. 

Now...

"Get the cameras rolling... get the action going!"

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1/ What genre? Drama? Comedy? Horror? A Porno? Other?

I'm going with post-modern comedy with dashes of surrealism and a guerilla filmmaking esthetic. 

Why?

Because life will kill you, so better to laugh a bit before you kick off. Irreverent is a term that will get tossed around a lot, along with the phrase 'got no fucks to give.'

I dunno.

The older I'm getting? The less I'm concerned about 'class.' Oh, I'm aware it exists. These days, how can you not? But I'm not a classy gal. And my shame factor is riding so close to the ground these days, soon, I am going to be walking on top of it.

It has to do with writing this blog. I made a bit of a promise to you, the reader, and myself when I picked it up again over two years ago... that I'd try to get honest with myself. And I have. I've shared more and examined more than ever before. That's very freeing.

I know the old me is hiding, crying in the bathroom, cringing with each click of the keyboard, but I can't do this any other way.

And when you're dealing with that kind of gut-level reality, it can't help but come off with a bit of humor. Sure, it borders on the pathetic quite frequently, but those big, stupid emotions are the best kind, for they spill over into the surreal. 

It's like a rollercoaster, being operated by a bi-polar, malformed, immature, stunted sex maniac.

Impulse control? What's that?

2/ Who's directing?

John Waters, of course. 

Only, he doesn't get paid until after the film is completed. And he has to make do with equipment I buy with a stolen credit card at Pawn America. He can eat all the ramen he wants and sleep in my bed (I'll be sleeping with my co-star.) And I promise not to bully him (much.)

The script will be stitched together using an outline I provide and suggestions by the cast and crew. It's all spur of the moment. 

It will be angry. It will be loud. It will be disgusting in parts. 

And something tells me I better learn to take a punch.

3/ Where does it take place?

My bunker, The Boyfriend's house, The Boyfriend's yard, my mother's house, assorted alleys, an abortion clinic, a grocery store, my lawyer's office, my beloved prairie, a courtroom, and a fictitious place called The Litterbox Lounge.

4/ Who plays you?

Who do you think?

Who else has the guts? The lack of shame? A yen for humiliation and a stolen credit card?

Debase myself? How low do you wanna go?

You will learn the following: 

Frightening tried and true anal douching techniques. 

How to conserve water in the wild. 

Grindr do's and doo doo's. 

1001 ways to piss off the A-Gays across the alley. 

1001 ways to ostracize the Xtians next door. 

Grocery store self-check out secrets and 'best' practices. 

And many, many other things you never ever wanted to know or hear about.

5/ Who plays your love interest?

The Boyfriend plays himself, of course. 

No one else has the fortitude. The beauty and brawn. The sheer genius. 

(No one else would allow me to have most of the lines.)

6/ Who plays your sidekicks/family members/friends?

The cast is larger than one would expect. 

The Boyfriend, The Ex, My Mother, My Sister, My Brother In-Law, My Lawyer, My Office Wife, The A-Gays Across The Alley (It's A Truple), The Xtians Next Door (Man, Wife, Two Tots, and Their Stoner Live-In 'Friend,'), A Couple Of The Regulars From The Prairie, A New Fish I Show The Ropes To At The Prairie, Nine Cats, Two Dogs and one very special guest star...

Pam Demic.

She appears to me on occasion, like The Virgin Bloody Mary - made with gin (which should also get billing in the credits, seeing as how the entire film is going to be made with its help.) Pam floats in and out, offering advise, sharing observations and terrible recipes, while making snide comments, and belting back more than her fair share (and I ain't talking show tunes.) She'll constantly want to rattle on about the good old days (that would be the early days of Covid-19,) but each time she does, I'll remember something I was supposed to have done an hour ago or come to a realization and 'poof,' she'll disappear. 

7/ Who plays the villain?

As if the A-Gays Across The Alley and Xtians Next Door, weren't enough of an irritant, the big time villain will be... The Lop-It-Off Organization! This is a group of young entrepreneurs whose efforts - to make all parks easily accessible and 'family friendly' (ick) by carving them up into ski trails and mountain bike trails -  are threatening my beloved prairie! 

There will be confrontation and protests and drag queens. And big production numbers (on a budget.)

Oh, and did I mention it's a musical? (And maybe a bit of a porno!)

(No, Pam, you still don't get to sing!)

(Okay, okay... maybe just one song.)

8/ Pick a 'Love Theme' and a 'Main Theme.'

I'm writing some of the music. And singing it. That's what The Litterbox Lounge is all about. It's a piano bar where I perform (whenever I'm sober enough to do so.) (Ain't alcoholism fun?)

There will actually be two soundtrack albums associated with the movie. 

The first will be me, at the piano, singing songs I wrote. Yeah, only my mother will buy a copy, but, hey... this whole thing is one big vanity project, so... just let me.

The 'Love Theme' is a song called When Boys Fall In Love. I actually wrote it walking around the prairie one day - very Sondheim meets Bacharach meets Kander and Ebb. "When boys fall in love, it's just a matter of time, before somebody's heart breaks, usually it's mine..."

The second features all outside music because... fun! (And dancing!)

The 'Main Theme?' These days it's I Want You (She's So Heavy) by Groove Collective. I love driving around in my little mini cooper with that fat, sassy song blasting from my CD player (yes - gasp - I still have a CD player!)

It's those horns. They drive me crazy in the best way possible.

9/ What other songs appear on the soundtrack?

We'll concentrate on the second soundtrack for this question.

Bang Da Bush - Fresh Fish 

(Get it? Because there are bushes at the prairie and... oh, yeah... you get it.)

Make The World Go Round - Sandy B 

(The Boyfriend 'theme.')

A Ritmo De Son - Frisco feat. Sonya Santana

(Walking music when I strut my stuff.)

Just Breathe - TelePopMuzik

(This plays the moment I realize they're destroying paradise and putting up a parking lot. The whole world fades away and everything slows to the point where the sun is catching dandelion fluff floating in the air. My eyes grow heavy and blink very slowly as it dawns on me we're all fighting a battle we can't win and I can't allow people to actually get arrested or hurt, so... it has to end.)

Days Go By - Dirty Vegas

Atomic - Blondie (diddy's 12" remix)

Better Days Ahead - The Tyrell Corporation (serious rope 12" mix)

Just to name a few...

10/ Does it have a happy ending? Tell us about it.

Sort of. 

We lose the prairie. But...

Thanks to all the media attention, The Litterbox Lounge becomes hugely popular. Which means I can't sing there anymore because... hey, they can get somebody better. But then, my sister, who retired from the corporate world, is the owner and manager of said Litterbox Lounge, so... I think I still have an 'in.'

The new fish I'm showing the ropes to at the prairie finds himself a man.

The A-Gays finally invite me and The Boyfriend to one of their parties. (We're 'busy.')

The Boyfriend realizes he loves me more. And he and I and 6 of the cats (and my Mom and The Ex and the two dogs, and everybody else) lives happily ever after.

Even the Xtians Next Door. 

Sort of. I mean, they're still Xtians, so... how happy they gonna be?

Roll credits.

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And that's enough of me.

Okay, you're turn. You know what to do. Leave your answers in the comments section or post it on your blog and leave a link here.

Until next time...

As always, thank you for reading... and participating.

Movie Star - Róisín Murphy 

You Ought To Be In Pictures - Mel Torme