Weekend Onesie: A Return To Normal (?)

Weekend Onesie: 

A Return To Normal?

This whole Covid-19 thing has played right into the introvert's wheelhouse.  

It's going to be hard to get back out there. 

I love being in my basement. I know where everything is. I can easily get what I need, thanks to the internet. I know how to move around my space. I don't encounter any strangers. 

It's been two years. TWO YEARS. 

When this whole thing began, I never pictured it going on for so long. 

And the state of the world? That's not helping. 

I feel even more cut-off and isolated - because the world of politics and the international stage and all of the attempts to rewrite history and ban literature? It's too caustic to deal with. 

Okay. I'm a snowflake.

Thing is... I feel like I am shutting down. Every day is a bit more of a struggle. It's small things. They ache in the way arthritis affects the joints. Sitting down. Getting up. Reading something I don't want to read for work. It pains me. It hums in the background of the most common activities, enveloping them, draining them of color. 

My morning bathroom routine? Used to have it down cold. Now? It takes a bit of coaxing to get started. I don't want to remove my clothes. I don't want to find new ones. I just want to go back to bed. 

I still get up at 5:00 am. Coffee is my main motivation. 

I still work out at 11:00 am and spend time with the cats, before and after. 

I still visit my mother, Monday thru Thursday, at 4:00 pm. 

I don't want to go grocery shopping. I don't want to deal with the noise of other people, the anxiety of checking out, the hassle of navigating traffic. It is the only activity I do outside of my house, my mother's house and The Boyfriend's house. Yet, it always leaves me feeling scathed, as if under attack.

I think it would be easy to simply dismiss it as depression. It's not that. I am relatively happy. 

I shrug it off. I focus on things that bring me joy. I play piano each day, and sing. Nothing makes me happier than trying to master a new song, or writing an original. I enjoy researching and writing things for this blog. I like making my meals and eating. And I've been enjoying purchasing books on-line for my newest collection. 

So, my life is not without joy. Or activity. 

And I am not without social interaction or a sense of fulfillment. 

In fact, I wish I could remain in my bunker until such time as I get to retire from my job. 

With the coming of spring, I know things will change. I will have the distraction of nature reawakening. Gardening. Hiking. The prairie. My focus will be much different. 

But returning to normal? No. I don't think I can. Because I don't want to. 

I like that going out to eat is a rare, occasional thing, now. It makes it special. I like fending for myself in the kitchen, so nonchalantly dining out? Not my thing anymore. 

Social interactions? Other than my tight circle and rare, occasional guest stars? Not an issue. I am more myself than I have ever been. And more comfortable, too. 

So, I'm in no hurry to return to "what was before." In fact, it doesn't interest me. I have a feeling that many an introvert has found a kind of validation during this time of crisis. The kind that says, I'm not anti-social, I'm merely happiest being by myself, living a tiny life. All the things that the media and corporate America keeps telling us we need in order to feel fulfilled? Utter bullshit. 

So, I'm very curious to see what our society looks like post-Covid-19. 

Because I have a feeling... some of us aren't coming back.

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Take good care of yourselves, my dears.

Stay safe. Stay healthy.

There's got to be a morning after.

- uptonking from Wonderland Burlesque

The Morning After - Maureen McGovern