Is it Covid Knullkompis Time?

Is it Covid Knullkompis Time?

Necessity is the mother of invention. 

Meaning 'need' is the primary driver of the creation of new things.

But what defines a 'need'?

Today's topic is more of a 'want'. I mean, need, yes, in the sense that there is something primal there that does need to be addressed. And yet, a want, because to desire something does not make it something we can't live without.

Or does it?

What the fuck is he talking about?

Well, fucking, of course.

Is it time to find a Covid sex buddy?  The Swedish term: knullkompis.

You see... I sorely need my kompis to be thoroughly knulled. 

At the beginning of this pandemic, the Swedish government suggested that everybody find themselves a Covid sex buddy - someone to take care of that nagging little itch that grows with each passing day until it becomes a screaming talon accoutered harpy scraping away at the inside of your skull. Yes, throbbing members and twitching holes are demanding attention and the beast... the beast must be fed!

But you have a boyfriend, I hear you say.

Yes, but we are in our seventh year together (how time flies) and our relationship was never based on sex. I mean, in the beginning, yeah, of course, but things change. We get older, we have back surgeries, car meets bike in an intersection, anxiety runs rampant, and medications to cope are prescribed. We kiss and we tell each other how much we love the other. All good, but... not quite the same thing. So, while I could force my way down that tunnel, I know what's waiting at the end of that tunnel, and ... I would like to temporarily explore a new tunnel. 

 

Not that the boyfriend is going anywhere. Oh, no. Love him. Can't imagine life without him. He's family. And we have an understanding in place... so this isn't something that is going to threaten what we have in any way. 

I gots needs. 

Always have.

I'd tell the boyfriend before doing anything, but am I obligated to tell my mother and my ex? My ex is never going to approve. He won't even let me go to happy hour with my work wife (and I am so in need of a happy hour). But let's put that aside. For now.

So, I have the need and the desire and, let's say, the permission... but the logistics? While contemplating updating my many profiles on various hook-up sites and apps, I began to compose a list of criteria that any and all candidates must possess in order to be considered.

It's a long list. 

First and foremost, they will have to be serious about Covid, masks, and social distancing. They will have exposed themselves to others minimally and have maintained a tight circle, associating with a limited number of people.

This would have to be an exclusive arrangement for the duration of the crisis. I know for a fact that I am Covid free - I got tested. This person would have to offer similar assurances.

Next, I would have to find them attractive. And they would need to find me attractive. Difficult in the best of circumstances. I mean, you bait the hook by writing a comely profile (which is marketing 101) and then it's like fishing... just because your pole is in the water doesn't mean you're going to catch anything (although, considering Covid and STIs - maybe not catching anything is the way to go). 

So, for argument's sake, let's say I go to the bother, spend the time updating the profiles and then spend more time on-line/on the phone watching to see if my bobber gets bobbed. And let's say, miracle of miracles, I land one, with all the criteria having been met and we are good to go.

Then protocols would have to be put in place and agreed upon before we meet. Kissing, no kissing? Showers before and after. Fresh clean sheets. Lots of sanitizing wipes and hand sanitizer. 

Sigh. 

I am just giving you the big picture - and we all know life is in the details, especially when one's life and the lives of those you love are at risk.

Is this too much to ask? Is this too great a risk? 

And exactly why is this important?

Well, I just put away my gym bag and all its contents, along with the bag I take to the prairie containing all my necessary supplies. Where the prairie is concerned my mind has created a hard stop. And I kept the gym bag handy, because when this whole thing started I assumed I would be lucky if I got to work from home for three months. But now the writing is on the wall and I have come to realize that I will be lucky if my circumstances change by the beginning of next year. 

Yes. Wave good-bye to summer. Wave good-bye to fall. Mid-winter is now my new beacon of hope, slim as those chances appear.

I can't travel. 

I can't even go out to eat because there are simply too many unknowns and people are not taking this thing seriously enough. 

I have my people to protect, hence - the long list of criteria any candidate must meet. It's pretty daunting. I mean, in normal circumstances, hooking up at my age is problematic. But with all these caveats attached? I wonder if I should even bother. Could be a huge waste of time and energy.

Then there is a matter of trust. 

People lie all the time. If I open my world to an outsider and I am wrong? I can't undo the harm it might cause. 

No wonder people self-medicate!

I wish there was a pill I could take to calm that fucking harpy in my skull. 

Cuz her nails? 

They have gotten really fucking sharp. 

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Looking for feedback, here. Even if it's not what I want to hear. Leave it in the comments section. Thank you for sharing. And thank you for listening to me whine. It seems to have become my new favorite thing to do. (Ugh.)

Love Somebody - Maroon 5

Somebody To Love - Cafe Society