Friday Fun: Happy National Farm Rescuer Day!

Friday Fun: Happy National

Farm Rescuer Day!

To be sure, there are people in this world who do the most admirable of work, namely rescuing, rehabilitating and caring for farm animals in need. Not only do they prevent these animals from being exploited or killed for profit, they also work with those who are struggling and can no longer take care of their animals, as well as removing animals from situations that are unhealthy or abusive.

I take off my cap to these folks. Their work is daily and often goes unsung.

A women whom I play board games with regularly volunteers at such a place, called Soulspace. The Boyfriend and I volunteered there a number of Saturdays one summer. It felt good to pitch in a little and see firsthand the fine work these valiant animal rights activists accomplish. Sadly, since Covid-19 hit, volunteers have been reduced to only essential workers.

That said...

Today, I wish to bring your attention to a different kind of Farm Rescue / Farm Relief. It's a cause that I, personally, have experience with and would love to give more time and energy to, namely...

...the plight of horny lonely farmers everywhere.

Yes, these hardworking men of country stock deserve our love and undivided attention (for at least 20 minutes). For it gets lonely out there. Especially at night, when the crickets are chirping and a pale moon hangs in a milky way sky (the stars, not the candy bar.) Sitting on his porch swing, idly strumming his... 'banjo' (wink, wink), this fine, strong, virile man who belongs to the land (and the land he belongs to is grand) wonders... did I remember to write back that fella I met on Adam 4 Adam the other day?

Why are these men so horny lonely?

 
These men labor and sweat morning, noon and night, (and smell great) doing their best no matter what mother nature throws at them (and still, they smell great and look great in a just a union suit or nothing but a pair of baggy denim overalls - you know, with nothing underneath.)

And so they toil, hoeing the soil, putting new bedding down, planting their seed, giving chicken their feed, and taking their wares into town. 

Those cows?

Those cows don't milk themselves, ya know.

And so I find it... udderly... heartbreaking that the needs of these hearty souls should go unmet.

(cue: Sarah McLachlan)

Oh, won't you please find it in your hearts to take a few hours of your time and give just a bit of yourselves to these horny lonely (and frequently kinky) farmers.

In only twenty minutes a day (Plus the drive to and from the farm. Hey! He is so not putting out for an uber! Not for you, ya cluck.) you can have a huge impact on the life of one who constantly gives of himself... his hard-bodied, rough-handed, muscled, sun-kissed self, so that we are all able to put food on the table, or feed our livestock, or whatever it is they actually contribute to our lives (Do you know? I mean, when was the last time...?).

*Ahem*.

So please, give of yourself. Your time, energy and highly honed skills (in some cases way more 'skilled' than others *cough* Pam Demic *cough*) and help rescue these titans of dairy, grains, and vegetables from their pent up, solitary existence.

Yes, give them the relief and release they so richly deserve. Oh, won't you please help rescue these, the most innocent (and yet surprisingly kinky) of laborers?

I thank you in advance for your service (mainly because my mouth will probably be full). 

I know they will be eternally grateful if you help lighten their load even for 20 minutes. (Because that's all it should really take. I mean, unless you get into the kinky stuff, and then, yeah, that can eat up some time. Speaking of which, before heading out to one those farms, be sure you let someone know where you're going. You know, for safety's sake? I mean, it's not like anyone has ever gone to a remote farm in the middle of nowhere and never come back before, right? Me? I had a scare once, but fortunately I know how to pick a lock and had a quarter hidden somewhere on my person. Of course, I never did get my clothes back... So, you know, air on the side of...  Ha, ha, ha, ha... Aw, hell, you're all adults, you know what you're doing. Just go for it, kids.)

I know that I, personally, plan on doing my part.

More than my part. (Oh, hell, I'll do anyone that'll take me... gawd, I'm soooo horny lonely.)

And we're not talking just lip service, here. I mean, I will go the whole nine inches... yards? (Yards? You sure?)

Thank you.

I thank you, America thanks you, and all the Future Farmers of America in their cute little blue jackets thank you, too.

(Bring wet wipes and rubbers... for your shoes! Have you ever walked in a barn?)

(Oh, the other kind? Naw. These guys? They've been 'round the rodeo before, honey. They ALL ride bareback. Giddy-up! And get it up! Know what I mean? Pam knows what I mean. Don'tcha, gurl?)

Won't you be a farm rescuer, today?

Junior's Farm - Paul McCartney & Wings

Maggie's Farm - Tin Machine