Wonderland Burlesque's
Let's All Go To The Movies
The Oldest Profession Edition, Part II
Hookers and Hollywood go hand in hand like Fatty Arbuckle and a Coke bottle.
Let's take a look at these additional entries to the canon, featuring some big names and lots of star power.
And don't worry... the only social diseases on display here are the Tinsel Town regulars: racism and sexism.
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A House Is Not A Home
(Shelley Winters always amazes me, the vehicles she'd find herself starring in. And this is a good seven years before What's The Matter With Helen?)
They all meet and explode in the house that is not a home!"
(The supporting cast is quite impressive, too; Cesar Romero, Broderick Crawford and Robert Taylor all lend a hand. I wonder what future starlet can be found among the cathouse staff?)
"Suitable only for adults."
The Respectful Prostitute
"Shocker of the year!"
(The shocking thing here is that they put the mugs of two angry men on the poster, when what they really should have been selling the public is a little S-E-X in the form of the titular (nice pun) character. A real PR miss.)
"The torrid story of three gals of the trade."
"Why they make men pay ...and pay!"
"Teasing. Taunting. Power-packed."
"Adults only."
(Barbara The Housewife probably is only in it to support her out of control Tupperware dependency.)
"Put yourself in their place!"
"Rosanna loves money! Sandy need money! Liz loves men! Mira need men!"
(Whoever is responsible for this illustration really needs to refund the money. Poor Ernest Borgnine! Hollywood may have given him an Oscar, but then had no idea what to do with him. Sticking him in crap like this is why he ended up on television. Francoise Fabian, by the way, was a contemporary of Catherine Deneuve, and has been working steady in films to this day. Oh, and Robert Alda! )
"She gave them what they wanted... and they took everything she had!
"Her sensuous body drove men wild!"
"She paid the price of love. Blood! ...hers!"
(If I saw a hooker posed as above, I would automatically think, "Oh. Crabs.")
"She was lovable. She was mean. Damn mean!
"What would you do if your mama was a hooker?"
(I rather love this poster art. Back then, a great poster could make up for the crappy quality of the actual film. My only question? What is up with the 'B' in 'Black?' What is that supposed to be, imply, or represent?)
Vampire Hookers
"Warm blood isn't all they suck!"
"They're a close encounter of a different kind!"(I love that they had the balls to reference another, much more popular film on their poster. Like a little of that magic might rub off? Not likely. Based on the stills I have seen from this film, this is more like a Hammer Film than an Amblin Entertainment feature. Though they do earn points for the whole southern gothic thing.)
"They charge and arm and a leg!"
(Great tagline. Inspired idea. Terrible film.)
"The book. The movie"
"Don't be embarrassed to spend 90 minutes in a dark room with a hooker."
"You know about sex. Now learn about life."
"Lynn Redgrave as Xaviera Hollander. A real woman tells the truth."
"Lynn Redgrave as Xaviera Hollander. A real woman tells the truth."
(Like Ernest Borgnine, here's another star Hollywood had no idea what to do with. After being nominated for an Oscar for her turn in Georgy Girl, Redgrave drifted out of view. Maybe there were high hopes for this one. The book was a staple in homes throughout America. Well, at least she got to wear a lot of great wigs (and a lot of whipped cream.) If you want to experience just what a powerhouse performer Redgrave could be, check out her amazing work in 1998's Gods And Monsters.)
The Happy Hooker Goes To Washington
"All new."
"She served her country... the only way she knew how!"
"Joey Heatherton as Xaviera Hollander in..."
(It didn't take long for this franchise to go slumming. But never underestimate the star power of Joey Heatherton, ably assisted by George Hamilton and Ray Walston. The big suspense in this movie is whether or not Heatherton's boobs are going to flop out of her poorly designed dresses.)
The Happy Hooker Goes Hollywood
"She conquered every producer's couch in Hollywood."
(Nothing says 'death of a franchise' like a cast led by a former Bond girl (Martine Beswoke), Adam West, Phil Silvers, Edie Adams, and Chris Lemmon. This film was so bad, they actually removed the whole 'Happy Hooker' angle and tried to remarket it as hardcore porn.)
Hollywood Blue
"You've read about her... talked about her... now see her!"
'Xaviera Hollander, authoress of The Happy Hooker."
"Starring in her first motion picture."
(Her first and (almost) her last. Apparently Xavier got tired of taking a backseat to others and decided to take a shot at playing herself. Strange that the title doesn't include the 'Happy Hooker' brand, but they do reference it on the poster. That she didn't end up taking over the franchise is probably indicative of the amount of talent she brought to the big screen.)
The Oldest Profession
(Some big name directors and stars (Raquel Welch, Jeanne Moreau) all try their hand at shining a light on the plight of these working girls in an anthology film that I am sure runs the gamut from irreverent to tragic. Afterall... everybody in Hollywood is, at heart, either a pimp or a whore.)
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That's all we have time for this week.
Tune in next week!
Same time! Same channel!
Snack Bar Terror
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2 comments:
Funny how many of these movies have such big names!
I also liked that poster with the beautiful Black woman. Maybe the B is an allusion to her curves?
I have a Linda Lovelace biopic in my queue and I have gone for it. I wonder if they are going to talk about her come to jesus moment?
XOXO
You're right on with Borgnine and Redgrave. Both proved they had acting chops and couldn't find decent projects afterward. Kinda the same with Winters, don't you think?
@ Six - They do.
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