Wonderland Burlesque's Gay Bathhouse Quiz: Part Two

Wonderland Burlesque's Gay Bathhouse Quiz

Part Two

This is part two. The first part can be found here. 

As in my previous post, we're in the process of exploring Steamworks in Chicago, a modern well-maintained gay bathhouse in Boystown. We're half way there. Remember: you can always take a shower, use the mouthwash station, or return to your locker. There are vending machines throughout that offer a variety of items, in case you forgot to bring something with you. So...

Picking up where we left off... you enter a maze. It is very dark. There are glory holes cut into the walls. You basically have to feel your way along the wall to make it through. You run the risk of being groped by people you can't see. 

12/ Are you game? Love this sort of thing? You are so outta there?

First time I was there, I walked through it - quickly. Dark rooms are really not my thing. Call me old fashioned, but I like to see what's attached to whatever appendage I'm dealing with. 

There's a sort of thrill to be found in this setting - the same kind you find winding your way through one of those Halloween haunted houses.

After that, you come upon a room featuring a series of solid cubes. There are glory holes cut into the cubes and a place to sit inside.

13/ Do you wait for someone to service or to service you? Keep on walking?

I like to service dick. And I'll do anything once. 

I tried this - sitting inside. And, yep - dicks would magically appear and I'd suck on one for awhile before moving on to the next. Some, I would turn down. It's very odd being isolated from the rest of the human being. I guess, in the future, I would skip this altogether. 

So, a dick alone? Doesn't really do it for me.

Maybe that's why dildos don't do it for me either...

The next room you find has a leather sling suspended from the ceiling.

14/ Do you climb aboard? Wait for someone to get into the sling to be used? Stick around to watch what happens? Or look for an exit?

Being a big old bottom, I just love me some sex in a sling (Is that a name of a cocktail? It should be: I'll have a Sex in a Sling).

However, I am a very impatient guy. My first time there, I did climb into the sling and waited for a few minutes. Nothing happened, I felt foolish, and climbed back out. 

Sex in a sling can be a lot of fun, but you really need someone committed to be there. The anticipation of the possibility of someone suddenly showing up to find you exposed and ready is a turn on... but not something I can sustain for any length of time. 

During one visit, I did find a dude waiting for someone to climb into the sling, so I obliged. We hit it for about fifteen minutes or so and attracted a few guys who just wanted to watch. So, it's hit and miss.

That said, keep in mind, my visits are always during non-peak hours. I have never been there when the place is packed. On a Saturday night? I guarantee you there are guys populating this room, lined up to either watch, use or be used. 

You find a staircase up that leads to another floor. When you open the door, you see it is a small roof-top deck complete with lounge chairs and foliage. Sign says you can hang out here, but to keep the noise down. 

15/ Ah, at last. This is your thing. You sunbathe and wait for a like-minded individual? Or, bah, sun! I curse you. Let me return to darkness and my sexual journey?

Hee hee. Oh, yeah... I was really happy to find this feature. It was a beautiful day, so the sight of all that blue sky and the sun after wandering aimlessly in darkness warmed my cockles, for sure. 

I think the sign also says you have to keep your towel on.

The area is very small, and a feels a bit over stuffed (with plants and chairs), but nice. 

No one else was up there (non-peak hours), so I hung out for a good fifteen. It was sweet to take a break - a breather. But the moment someone else appeared, like a total chicken, I dove back into the dark pit of depravity. Mainly because the dude was up there to smoke and that is definitely not my thing. 

All you have left to explore are the water features: a large sauna, a fun steam room and the giant hot tub.

16/ Are you a sauna user? Do you fool around in the sauna?

Not really. I can sit in there for maybe ten minutes tops. I have fooled around in a saunas at a gym, but in this setting there are so many other scenes to choose from, so I don't bother with the sauna. I find most claustrophobic and the dry heat makes me uncomfortable after a bit - like antsy.

I do love the smell of the wood on the walls and the heat. But not for a long period of time.

The steam room is rather unique. It is like a long white-tiled hallway that snakes its way around. Little alcoves and places to sit dot the landscape. 

17/ Do you like a nice steam? 

I like this steam room. It's very fun. Mysterious. You never know who is going to be waiting around the next corner. It made me think of MTV videos back in  the day... all that billowing steam and brightly lit white tile. 

Most steam rooms are a no-go for me. If they're small, I can't breathe and my heart rate will sky rocket. But this one is large enough that I was very comfortable. 

During my first visit, this is where I finally lost my load. Out of nowhere this cute younger dude just started macking on me. He was hella aggressive and I was very flattered. We got down to business fast. It remains one of my favorite bathhouse experiences. 

In the steam room you see a group of eight guys getting it on. They look like your kind of crowd.

18/ Do you jump on in? Wait for an invitation? Decide to watch from a safe distance? Or walk on by?

I always wait to be invited (see yesterday's post). And I look for any indication - any. 

Group fun in this setting, or anywhere in this facility, is such a joy. I have never body-surfed, but I imagine it is a lot like really great group sex - you simply find yourself gliding through it - all those hands, all those mouths, all those dicks. 

I mean, where else can you just let your guard down and hand yourself over to this kind of experience? There's really no fear, unless you're paranoid about STI's. And if that is the case, then group sex isn't your thing anyway. 

And speaking of STI's. After visiting any bathhouse, I always get tested. You need to wait a good week, week and a half, because there's an incubation period... but it is simply good practice to test often. Our community has enough battles to fight. If we all take personal responsibility for our sexual behaviors, then that is one less thing we, as a community, have to worry about. 

Finally, you arrive at the giant hot tub. It's populated by six guys, three of whom you immediately find attractive.

19/ Dive in and start conversing? Find a corner and wait to be approached? Skip it, not your thing?

Skip. 

First off, if I get in, I can stay in for all of five minutes. Hot tubs make my blood pressure go through the roof. Even dangling my feet in them. I discovered this while using one at a gym. I felt like I was going to pass out. So, not for me. 

Secondly, they strike me as human soup vats. I know the hot water kills everything, but I wouldn't bathe in a vegetable soup base, so I sure as hell am not going to stew in a human one. 

Thirdly, while I really wish I was the kind of guy who enjoyed making small talk or striking up a conversation with a stranger, I am not. My dad was, and I always envied his ability to make friends. He could talk to anyone. But me? I never initiate. 

If someone talks to me, I am polite and can hold up my end. I am not necessarily unfriendly, but I am also kind of a loner; much more likely to stand in a corner and observe things quietly. I think that unnerves a lot of people. It's like... look at that weirdo in the corner, staring. 

Maybe that is why certain guys at the prairie avoid me like the plague. Hee hee.

Okay, time to head back to the locker room. You've seen the whole place. You open your locker and the dude next to you, who just arrived, immediately starts hitting on you. He's hot.

20/ Do you follow him back into the arena to keep 'the conversation' going? Realize, hey, I should walk the whole thing again, I might have missed someone? Or, you're exhausted, time to hit the road? 

Wow. He would have to be super, super hot... like Pit Bull hot, or Nicolas Mouawad hot, or Idris Elba/Dennis Haysbert hot. 

Because by the time I go back to my locker, I have shot my load. And, typically, I am a one and done kind of guy. I do not sit around waiting for my battery to recharge. 

Also, most likely, I have been there four hours... and that is long enough to be anywhere. I will feel like I have gotten my money's worth and am ready for a nap back at my hotel room - alone. 

But still, you never know... 

...I have been known to be persuaded!

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That's it! Thanks for taking my quiz. Hope you enjoyed our little bathhouse journey. Let me know if I missed something. Leave your answers in the comments section or post them on your site and then leave a link. 

Looking For Love - John Roberts

Do It 'Til Your Satisfied - B.T. Express