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Saturday, October 16, 2021

Weekend Onesie: Super Denial

Weekend Onesie: Super Denial

Oh, for the number of times, in my younger years, I told myself the exact same thing.

Denial is a powerful thing - a sort of super power.

In the case of a possibly terminal illness, it can actually pay big dividends, convincing your body to not give up, to heal itself.

It can also have deadly consequences, as in the case of those who refuse to get vaccinated for Covid-19, thus putting themselves and others at risk.

But it can also simply delay the inevitable, allowing our minds the time needed to absorb and accept.

It took me 27 years to accept the fact that I am gay.

Me? I had a lot of baggage to unpack, so I needed more time. Everyone's journey is different.

That one statement had such a big impact on my life. Not only was I ready to accept who I was, I was also prepared to take on the challenges my declaration would bring. I had used those 27 years of denial as a time of preparation. In many ways, that declaration was the beginning of my life as an adult. Before that time? I was busy hiding, merely treading water.

Yes, I saw the crescent... but waiting for me, out there, was the whole of the moon.

So, I'm grateful for my rather lengthy gestation period.

Thanks to that time, messy and confusing as it was, I was able to finally begin my journey to become the man I am today.

We all need to take pride in who and what we are - it's a kind of imperative, if we are to find joy - which is one of the hallmarks of a successful life.

I look at my life, today, and realize that by the standards of others? It may not seem much.

But it's mine.

I built this house.

I am responsible for every choice made since that declaration so long ago.

And that...

I cannot, and do not wish to deny.
--- ---

Wishing you all a lovely weekend.
Embrace yourself.
Be your own best friend.
- uptonking from Wonderland Burlesque

The Whole Of The Moon - The Waterboys


Bob said...

"Before that time? I was busy hiding, merely treading water."

I think we can all relate to this. I can.

SickoRicko said...

Interesting post.

Everyone's journey is, indeed, different.

Deliciousdeity said...

I remember being in my primary school yard looking at all my friends running around (imagine a calm little face, observing), and deciding THEN AND THERE that I wanted to be different. I was about 7 years old at the time (what arrogance!). 'I will like boys instead of girls,' I thought to myself. I finally came out at 25, just a few years previous to you. And in some ways I was the last to know. Peacock on a chain. Hahaha

Mistress Maddie said...

A nice powerful post of your life. I enjoyed it and how you got to where you are. And that's the important made it.